SESSION 4-Improving Grammar and Assignments

Improving Grammar

Let’s address everyone’s favorite subject, “GRAMMAR”.

Before we go down this confusing and for some, terrifying road, I would like to take you back to the Saturday morning cartoon fests of your youth to a time when grammar wasn’t some ivory tower principle of academia, to a time something wonderful like School House Rock made learning grammar fun and absolutely accessible to everyone. If possible, rent the video and watch an episode of “Grammar Rock.” If you can just remember back to the School House Rock days when grammar was fun, you should be able to approach the issue of grammar in your writing with more confidence and assurance.

School House Rock aside, let’s look at what people have to say in the present day about grammar in this revealing Cincinnati Enquirer editorial: “Is it ‘Sports Is’ or ‘Sports Are’?” by James Kilpatrick

If you will just sit still for a minute and stop groaning at the word ‘grammar’. We may learn a thing or two.  First question: Is ‘sports’ singular or plural?

Back in May, USA Today had it both ways in the same article: (1) Sports has become a huge megabuck business. (2) Spectator sports generate about $55 billion dollars a year. (3) Sports is dwarfed by the really big players in the US economy.

Stuck with me

Very well. How do you vote? You will get no help from Webster’s new Tenth Collegiate. You will get no help from American Heritage or Random House either.  Thus you are stuck with me.  I say “sports” is plural.  Sports “have” become a big business, sports “generate” a bundle, and sports “are” dwarfed.  If you object to my ruling, buy USA Today and have it your own way.

USA Today has recurring problems in this area.  “The first seven months of a 10-year search hasn’t found any intelligent life in space.”  I vote for “haven’t found any intelligent life in space.”

Anna Quindlen, a respected columnist for the New York Times, threw me this story about an overweight flight attendant:  “If she doesn’t get back down to 135 on schedule, 24 years of experience at United Airlines is down the drain.”  I vote for “are down the drain.”

Let us pray over this one: William F. Buckley Jr., a really fastidious writer, wrote last year “one out of 10 Britons are out of work.”  The Associated Press reported that “one in five adult Americans hold strong prejudicial attitudes against Jews.”  I would vote for the singular verb: “One of 10 “is” out of work”, and “one in five “holds” attitudes, but the matter is not free from debate.

Some writers have troubles with negatives – not just with double negatives, but with negative negatives.  In the Asheville (N.C.) Citizen Times, “Ask Beth” wrote that condoms treated with spermicide are the best protection against the AIDS virus, “but no condom is the best guarantee against pregnancy.”  Apprehensive woman to eager man: “Please put on no condom, darling.”

Fortune Magazine carried an article last November on air transportation: “Hubless Kansas City Residents can’t hardly go anywhere without a stop in St. Louis or Denver or Chicago.”  Would “can hardly” have been better? I think so.

Superlatives can cause stumbles now and then.  A 6-year-old clipping is at hand from the Vero Beach (Fla) Press Journal: “The coral snake is one of the most deadliest snakes on the planet.”  The Rocky Mountain News last year covered a series of pipe bombings.  The first bomb merely injured a man.  “The next two proved more deadly.”  I would contend that “deadly” is not subject to modifiers of degree.

On that point, a tsk-tsk to Sen. Alan Simpson of Wyoming.  He was talking about his colleague from South Carolina, Strom Thurmond: “He’s one of the most unique men who ever sat in the Senate.”  In Las Vegas a developer boasted of a new mall: “The shopping center is one of the most uniquest in the world.”  Even Senator Thurmond cannot be more unique or less unique or rather unique or very unique and that restaurant in Las Vegas isn’t one of the most uniquest, no matter what the gentleman says.

In Florida, a book reviewer discussed a book by Mafia informer, Joe Salerno: “He portrays himself as a basically decent guy who fell in with the baddest of bad company.”  I would condone “baddest” in that usage.  To have said “the worst of bad company” would have wrecked the sentence.  After all, Shakespeare called the wound inflicted by Brutus “the most unkindest cut of all.”

Shall we talk of “may” and “might”?  They are quite different modal auxiliaries. In a letter to the editor of the San Antonio Express-News, a correspondent spoke of successful civic effort.  Without a columnist’s support, the opponents “may have been victorious.”  The writer meant, “might have been victorious.”  

Might have killed him

A feature writer for Knight-Ridder Newspapers turned in a story on Abraham Lincoln’s medical problems.  “Even had he dodged the assassin’s bullet, a bursting aneurysm may well have killed him anyhow.”  Further after years of debate, “scientists in Philadelphia might get a chance to find out for sure.”

Grammar Questions to Review:

1.     What kinds of common grammar mistakes does Kilpatrick discuss in his article?

2.     What are some of the grammar “rules” that guide the mistakes that Kilpatrick has cited?

3.     After reading this article, what are your impressions of our society’s grammar use as a whole?

Kilpatrick’s editorial highlights glaring grammar mistakes from reputable papers and writers.  Since they do this for a living and still can’t get it right, how can we the lay person be expected to muddle through our writing without committing grammar’s deadly sins?  The answer is honestly, we can’t.  Yet, there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel that does not involve memorization of grammar rules.  In this course we could spend the entire time focusing solely on grammar and still not make an impact on improving your writing.   The key to improving grammar is realizing this single philosophy:

“GRAMMAR IS CAUGHT, NOT TAUGHT.”

Knowing the rules behind grammar will not make you a better writer, only writing can improve your writing. You can not give into the notion that you must be a grammar expert to create effective writing. 

Another great book to invest in if you are serious about improving your writing is Joel Saltzman’s If You Can Talk, You Can Write.  When you are having a conversation with someone, you don’t trip up your words by thinking “Oh, my goodness, I just committed a comma splice,”, or “Alas, the end of my sentence was a dangling participle.”  You just go ahead and talk. 

If you can bring that confidence to your writing, that you know instinctually what is correct and incorrect, grammar will not be a problem.  To assist you in this area, nightly homework assignments and in-class exercises will trigger what you need to look for when you edit your papers. 

You should not even think about correcting grammar in a writing assignment until you are satisfied with the actual writing of a piece.  Your priority is (1) Get the writing onto the page and then (2) make sure it is correct.  Worrying about grammar in the beginning stages is sure to stop your writing cold.  Let your words flow and then fix them later.  Remember that GRAMMAR IS CAUGHT NOT TAUGHT.  You do not have to be a grammar expert to have correct and error free writing.  All you need to do is take the time and energy to effectively proofread.  It’s that simple.