Session 13

This free Online Course Developed by: Melissa Fry, M.Ed. English. To obtain college level instructional support for this course contact Melissa Fry melissa.fry@kctcs.edu.

The purpose of these entries is to get your brain warmed up and your creative juices flowing. You may or may not end up using your journal for writing later in the course; however, the main focus on this exercise is to get you writing. Journal entries should be ½ to 1 page in length. You should not worry about proofreading at this point. Simply let your words flow. A journal topic will be posted daily; however, if you do not like the topic simply free-write on your own topic of choice.

If as you edit you can answer “no” to any of these questions about the piece you are reading, it is your responsibility to find out how to correct these areas.

9. In the body is any outside information credited to the source using correct MLA format?

13. Circle and/or correct and errors in proofreading that the writer might have missed.

The last assignment of Composition I is to compile your writings together. This portfolio will be due in Session # 16. Distance students please submit electronically. On Session #16 you will be sharing one piece from your portfolio that you are especially proud of with the rest of the class.

Your portfolio should be error-free and professionally presented in the following format:

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Write a letter about the skills you obtained during Composition I and what the pieces you generated for this portfolio demonstrate about you as a writer.

The following presentation portfolio demonstrates the best pieces I generated during my participation in the SOC Composition I Writing Workshop. When I began the course, I felt very self-conscious of my writing. I never knew what to write about and I felt my grammar left a lot to be desired. I also felt my writing was boring and that I had nothing interesting to say. Participating in the writing workshop helped give me more confidence as a writer. I understand now that I am an expert in my own life, and that I am especially qualified to write my own life story. In the course, I learned how to use creativity and descriptions to make my reading come alive for my readers. When I get stuck on a topic, I now know how to brainstorm to generate ideas. With technical writing, I feel confident that I can write an organized expository essay with a good introduction, thesis statement and conclusion. I also know how to back up arguments that I make in persuasive writing with evidence.

The four pieces that I have included in my portfolio show some of the revising and editing skills that I learned to improve on in Composition I, form concept to action. The pieces demonstrate a wide range of my writing abilities and prove that I am able to adapt successfully to different topics and styles of writing. Furthermore, the pieces show my creativity, my attention to detail, and my ability to explain a topic and hold a reader's interest.

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(1^st paragraph – what the piece is about/ 2^nd paragraph what the piece shows you can do as a writer)

I wrote the poem, "Stimulus/Response" because I've noticed that whenever I drive home from work at night, I usually arrive home without being able to remember how to got there. My mind is so occupied with other things, that I don't seem to notice the ride home. Somehow, my body/brain etc drives me home safely. I also realized that when I am in the car with my husband, I tend to tune everything out, including him. It's bad enough when I am alone and driving, but when someone else takes the wheel, its like I can let go and totally become lost in my own thoughts. I think sometimes it bothers my husband that while I am physically there with him, I am not really there. The second part of the poem deals with a "what if" kind of situation. I thought, "What if my husband got sick of me not noticing him?" I imagined the result would be to always drive alone. Hopefully this poem will serve as a wake up call to me to change my ways, at least with my husband, before it is too late.

"Stimulus/Response" shows that I can use descriptions and creative images to get my point across to the reader. The poem also demonstrates my ability to use interesting and varied word choice and that I construct a smoothly written, well-edited piece of writing.

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The following presentation portfolio is a portion of what I believe are some of my best writings while taking Ms. Fry's English Composition I class. When I began the class, I already felt comfortable expressing myself; however, my thoughts were not always easy to organize into coherent writings. I felt confident speaking in class or in front of a group of people; but when the need arose to write more than a paragraph or two, I always seemed to dread taking on the task. My mind would go blank and I would put off taking on the project as long as I could. Now, having had Ms. Fry's class, I feel more prepared to express myself when I need to write. I still have room for improvement; however, I now look forward to the challenge of writing instead of dreading it.

My portfolio contains four pieces from English Composition I that I feel best shows my abilities as a writer. The writings included are on a variety of topics that are of interest to me or that I feel comfortably knowledgeable writing about. This portfolio shows my ability to express myself in a wide range of styles: informative, expressive, and creative. Enjoy!

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As I stand here gazing out upon the lush thickness of the forest at Yosemite National Park, I can see off in the distance the old, familiar crest of Half Dome. I can not count the number of times that I have embraced the unforgiving coarseness of Half Dome as I climbed upwards towards the round, smooth summit. Thinking back, I can remember how the climbing rope felt the first time I attempted to climb Half Dome, the butterflies in the pit of my stomach as I prepared to take that first step, and the smell of leather wafting from my new climbing gloves as my hands grasped the rope. It was an early spring Saturday, the kind of morning that blows a continuous soft-yet chilly-breeze while the morning dew glistens in the light of a frosty sunrise.

Suddenly, I am jolted back to the present as an electrical charge fills the air causing my hair to stand on end. With a crackling shudder, a bolt of lightning brightens this once placid evening streaking in a zigzagged line, terminating atop Half Dome-my old friend. Moments later, rain begins to engulf the once serene landscape. At first the rain falls softly, with a refreshingness that can only come from tasting the first drops of cool rain on a hot summer evening; while the smell of the humidity fills the air as steam rises from the heated blacktop. However, the rain soon increases in both size and quantity. I run painstakingly through the tall grass looking for any shelter that I can find. Just before I reach an old cabin that is creaking in the blowing wind, I slip and fall face first into an oozing river of mud. I had been breathing heavily under the weight of my backpack as I fell into the mud and my mouth was wide open. Inadvertently, my mouth was filled with mud. As I attempted to remove the mud from my mouth, I could taste both the smoothness of the clay and the metallic of the copper that are commonplace in this part of the country.

When I finally reached the cabin, I couldn’t see any sign of someone having used the cabin in many years. However, there was still a large pile of cedar wood that filled the cabin with a sweet, pleasant smell. Having lit a fire, I was soon warm, dry, and more than happy to have to wait out the storm in the intimate shelter of this creaky old cabin.

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"Yosemite" is an example of descriptive writing that is based upon a photograph by Kenneth Ward. The photograph is hanging in my living room. The photograph depicts a popular mountain in Yosemite National Park that is named Half Dome. An electrical storm is taking place and Half Dome is being struck by a bolt of lightening. When I began to write about this photograph, I decided to put myself in the shoes of the photographer. "Yosemite" is meant to show what I believe the photographer was thinking and the events that transpired prior to and during the storm.

“Yosemite” was written to show that I can take a simple idea/photograph and create an interesting and well-told story. Having a fond interest in nature and the outdoors, this story is intended to show a small window of my feelings. I feel that this essay is one of my most enjoyable experiences expressing myself in writing.

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I based the poem "Last Night" upon a real life experience that occurred one night at work. I work at a pizza place that is inside of a convenient store that rents movies. As the evening was winding down, a coworker called me and asked if the store had a copy of "American Pie" in stock. There was a copy of the movie in stock, but he had been drinking that evening and was not in any shape to drive up to the store and get the movie himself. He needed someone to take the movie to his house. A friend took the movie to his house. However, I know the coworker well enough that I believe that even if what transpired at the house isn't exactly as I have written it, I believe that the poem is a good approximation.

"Last Night" shows that I can write in poetic form to tell a story clearly. The poem also shows my ability to write a poem that is well rhyming, uses interesting word choices

Although many people don’t have any complications from having a vasectomy, my experience was not a good one. After getting up the courage and determination to get the procedure done, everything was going according to plan...that is, until I actually went into the doctor’s office to get the vasectomy.

After our daughter Kayla was born, my wife and I decided that we did not want to have anymore children. There are several reasons for our decision. First, I believe that there is already an overpopulation problem. My feeling is that if everyone only had one kid, then after a few generations the population would start to decline. Secondly, we made this decision based on simple economics. The cost of raising Kayla until she is out of college is astronomical. Finally, I don’t believe that if something happens to Kayla I can just replace her with another child. I’ve had many people tell me that I shouldn’t have gotten fixed in case something terrible was to happen to Kayla. It’s like some people think that a child comes from a factory and an identical child could be made to replace the first child.

We looked at several different kinds of birth control; however, in our opinion there were only three options: the condom, Rynne having her tubes tied, and me having a vasectomy. Condoms were good as a short-term fix; however, in the long-term condoms would have been very expensive and a hassle. As far as the other two options went, the vasectomy was generally excepted as being both a cheaper procedure and easier for the male to have done. Personally, I feel that chivalry should play a part in a decision such as this. I don’t think that I could look myself in the mirror knowing that Rynne had been in pain because I wasn’t willing to be the one to get fixed. I felt that it was my duty as a husband. For these reasons, I agreed to get a vasectomy.

The day before I was to have the vasectomy done, my wife and I had to meet with the doctor and go over everything; asking any questions that we might have had. It is a common practice for the doctor and couple to meet 24 hours beforehand so that the couple has one more day, knowledgeable of all the facts, to discuss the procedure and make sure that they still want to have the vasectomy done. I’ll have to admit that I was a little wary of having it done; however, I knew I was making the right decision. After the doctor answered all of our questions to our satisfaction, we confirmed my appointment scheduled for the next day.

Having made plans in advance, the next morning a friend stopped by the house and picked me up a few hours before I was scheduled to be at the doctor’s office. I was probably going to be laid up at home for a day or two, so I wanted to have some fun beforehand. We went out for breakfast, and then drove around doing this and that until it was time to go to the doctor. Rynne and Kayla met us at the doctor’s office. At this point, I should mention that our doctor was part of a practice of several doctors that handled a wide array of medical cases. The waiting room was crowded; however, I didn’t have to wait long before I was called back into the examination room.

Upon reaching the examination room, I noticed that the table was fitted with stirrups for holding the feet in place. This was a little intimidating, but I had made up my mind and was determined to go through with the vasectomy. The doctor informed me to get undressed and then lie down on the table with my feet in the stirrups-there was a sheet for covering up on the table. The allergy medicine that I had taken earlier that day had made my groggy, so I was happy to be able to lie down. Meanwhile, the doctor began to prep everything for the vasectomy. He made sure that all the necessary tools were there and then began to prep me. By prepping me, what I mean is that he gave me a local anaesthetic. Five shots! Five shots strategically placed into the scrotum that are guaranteed to cause a great deal of pain! It was while I was praying for the burning, tingling sensation to stop that I noticed another person in the room. I figured it must be the doctor’s assistant. In hindsight, I wish he had been an assistant. Soon, I was told that the other person was another doctor at the practice who was starting to do vasectomies and he was going to be performing mine. I didn’t really like the idea of being a guinea pig; however, it’s hard to run away when you’re half-naked and numb in the groin area.

When I asked how long it normally took to get a vasectomy, the doctor told me about a half-hour. Well...soon that half-hour had past and the doctor still wasn’t done. It was about this time that I started to get a little worried that the novocaine was wearing off. I could feel a little bit of a sensation starting to come back; however, since the allergy medicine had made me a little groggy, I wasn’t positive if the novocaine was wearing off or if it was just my imagination. Let me just say that it wasn’t my imagination. It’s hard to put into words the sudden feeling I had when I heard and felt a loud SNIP at the same time. But I can tell you this; it wasn’t a sudden desire to go bareback riding. I tried to appear calm as I urgently told the doctor that the novocaine was wearing off. Meanwhile, I was thinking that if the original doctor was performing the vasectomy; then maybe I would have been done before the first set of shots had worn off. But now it was too late. I was stuck with Dr. Incompetent. To make matters worse, not only did I have to have more of those wonderful shots, but also the rookie doctor didn’t have the common decency to wait until the shots were working. He just kept right on working. The only humor that I got out of the operation was from listening to all of the metal hemostats rattling around that were attached to God only knows what. With all of the hemos rattling together, they kind of sounded like a set of wind chimes blowing in the wind.

Finally, it was over (or so I thought). However, over the next two weeks, I had complications that required me to go back to the doctor a couple of times and once to the hospital. These complications included-but were not limited to: swelling, discoloration, and a hemorrhaging of an artery. It was during my trip to the hospital that I learned first hand how a doctor checks a prostrate. This was a lovely experience. First he checked my genitals by rolling them around in his hand like he was playing with dice. Next he told me to turn onto my side. Thinking that he is just going to give me a shot, I turned onto my side. It wasn’t until he was putting on a rubber glove, that I realized what the hell he was going to do. I went to the hospital for help with the pain, and left the hospital still in pain. The only difference was that afterwards, I also felt violated. I never blamed the doctor at the hospital for this; from the very beginning until today I always have blamed the rookie doctor. I blame the veteran doctor also; but I believe that the rookie doctor shouldn’t have done the operation if he wasn’t fully capable. So I blame the rookie.

Although I know several guys who were either back at work or playing sports again within a day or two of having a vasectomy, I was not so lucky with my experience. For two weeks, I had to remain on the couch with a cold ice pack on my groin area. Friends would call me at home. Because I didn’t have a cordless phone at the time, if Rynne wasn’t home all I could do was to sit there and listen to the phone ring and ring and ring-driving me insane. Sometimes, they would call just because they knew I couldn’t get to the phone (they’re a little demented that way). In the long run I believe I made the right decision in having the vasectomy. Maybe in 40 or 50 years if enough men get vasectomies now, the population will start to decrease. If I had to do it over again, the two things that I would do differently are: 1) I would ask my family doctor to recommend a specialist and do more research on the doctor instead of just looking in the yellow pages, and 2) I wouldn’t let a rookie doctor do any kind of examination on me-let alone a surgery.

Having the benefit of almost five years passing since I got a vasectomy, "Hey Doc, I Think the Novocaine is Wearing Off…" was written with the intention of looking at the process of getting a vasectomy from a humorous point of view. Everything that I wrote in the essay is true; however, now that I am completely healed, I can't help but to think back and laugh. The whole process for me was just one long string of comedic errors one after the other. I blame myself for part of the problems. I should have known better than to look in the yellow pages for a doctor. However, most of the blame I place on the shoulders of the new doctor that performed the operation. Now that I am better, I do not think that I would want to change anything about my experience. I say this because my experience of getting a vasectomy is a lot more humorous and a more interesting story the way that it happened than if I didn't have any complications.

"Hey Doc,…" shows that I can take an otherwise serious and painful situation, and turn it around into something humorous. The intention of this essay is not to deter other men from getting a vasectomy; it is intended to show my ability to use humor to make a bad situation more bearable.

Awesome. Insane. Exhilarating. Terrifying. Peaceful. Nerve-racking. No matter if someone likes or dislikes skydiving, just mention the word “skydiving” and you can be sure of getting some sort of emotional reaction. The same person may even give you several conflicting emotions. For me, skydiving brings up feelings of excitement, terror, nervousness, tranquility, and a sense of truly being alive every time I jump. One reaction many people have is that skydiving is extremely dangerous. While skydiving once was extremely dangerous; today, the fatal accident rate for skydiving is lower than for traffic accidents (25 per 100,000 as opposed to 28 per 100,000, in 1989) (www.afn.org/skydive/sta/stats). What many people don’t realize is the long history of the development of the parachute, the technical advancements in equipment, and the amount of training required.

The ancient Chinese and Leonardo da Vinci are both credited as having invented the parachute (Carey, 143); however, neither actually built a prototype of their drawn creations. It wasn’t until at least a hundred years later, in 1595, that a parachute was first built and tested by Fausto Veranzio. He tested it by jumping off of a tower (Sellick, 2). The first known fatality came in 1837 when Robert Cocking plunged to his death from 5,000 feet when his canopy failed to open properly.

In the mid to late 1800’s, parachutes came into regular use as an exhibition stunt that was performed at “county fairs, circuses, and other crowd-gathering events”(Sellick, 4). The original design was a parachute hanging from beneath a gondola of a hot-air balloon. The stuntman would be in a separate basket below the parachute, attached to the parachute by means of a pole and cords. Over time, however, the crowds became bored with this show when it became obvious that the daredevil would almost always land safely. To increase attendance, a trapeze bar replaced the basket. The daredevil would thrill the audience by performing tricks on the bar while the balloon was ascending. This, too, soon began to bore the crowds. Finally, the stunt was made even more dangerous when the parachute was hidden in a sack. This gave the crowd the impression that the daredevil was falling to his death; then unexpectedly, a canopy appeared out of nowhere to safely lower the man to the ground (Sellick, 1-6). Today, experienced skydivers are still enthralling crowds by putting on amazing daredevil shows. Much of what has been learned about parachutes over the years is because of men and women who were willing to risk their lives to see how far parachutes could be pushed.

Although today the parachute is closely associated with daredevils and planes; it wasn’t until after World War I that the parachute began its intimate connection with the recently invented airplane. It was in 1919 that Leslie Irvin “made the first (intentional) free-fall parachute descent near Dayton, Ohio” (Carey, 143). Even though Leslie Irvin broke his ankle landing, this was a crucial milestone for skydiving because he proved that a man could function normally during free-fall. Up until then, it was widely believed that if someone was to free-fall; that person would not be able to control body movements since there was nothing to brace against. Furthermore, anyone in a free-fall would quickly lose consciousness and would also have all the air sucked out of his or her lungs. Three years later, Lieutenant Harold R. Harris became the first person to save his life by making an emergency jump from a crippled airplane (Sellick, 8-9, 11).

Soon, the U.S. military began to research parachutes for the purpose of providing airmen with a serious means of saving themselves in the event that their airplane became crippled. This led to improved parachute materials and better designs. While the military was taking a scientific view of parachutes and skydiving; the barnstormers and exhibitionists were using what they had learned over the years and combining it with the new creations that the military was developing. By doing this, these daredevils were able to further test the bounds and limits of both the parachute and the parachutist. The two groups, the military and the daredevils, fed off of each other; creating better equipment and what actions to undertake for all different kinds of situations. The combined efforts reached an apex in August of 1960 when Captain Joseph W. Kittinger, with the aid of oxygen tanks, free fell from an altitude of 102,800 feet. He free fell almost 5 minutes and reached a maximum speed of 614 mph before his main chute was automatically deployed (Sellick, 11-12).

While today’s modern parachutes are a direct descendent of military canopies, there are several key differences between the old military style parachutes and the modern day ram-air parachutes.

To begin with, the military chute had no realistic way to maneuver. If you wanted to turn, you had to pull down on the cords on the side of the parachute in the direction that you wanted to turn. To turn faster, you had to pull down on more length of the cord. Still, this more or less only changed the direction that the jumper was facing. Otherwise, the jumper was at the mercy of the wind. Today’s ram-air canopies are very maneuverable. Just above the jumper there are two toggle handles, one on either side. To turn left or right, simply pull down on the handle on the same side as the direction desired. To turn faster, the jumper merely has to pull down harder on the toggle.

Secondly, the old, military style parachute had no functional means of slowing down the descent speed upon landing. This caused a great deal of unnecessary injuries. At the speed that the jumper hit the ground, there was no other choice but to roll as soon as the jumper’s feet touched the ground. This method of landing led to countless numbers of broken bones and torn ligaments in the lower half of the bodies of jumpers. The more modern canopies, on the other hand, can bring the jumper down to a soft, stand-up landing. This is accomplished by pulling down both toggle handles at the same time, at the right time.

Lastly, actually deploying the parachute is less risky with today’s chutes than with the military chutes. For starters, the malfunction rate of the older style was higher than the newer style. The ram-air canopies, although by no means foolproof, are more forgiving to the jumper in the event that the canopy was not packed perfectly; and thus, is more likely to correct itself upon deployment. Also, the military canopies tended to pop open harder; increasing the likelihood of the jumper being injured at the time of deployment. The final comparison about deploying the parachute has to do with where the parachutes are situated on the jumper. On the ram-air parachutes, both the main and the reserve chute are located on the jumper’s back; with the main parachute higher up on the jumper’s back and the reserve located lower on the back. It is also easier to keep straight which ripcord/handle goes to which parachute. The military style ripcord/handle was often very confusing to a lesser-experienced jumper. Furthermore, it was common for the reserve parachute to be located upon the front of the jumper. With the standard position for free falling being face-down, opening a parachute that was underneath the jumper could cause either: a) entanglement of the jumper in the reserve parachute or b) a whipping action of the jumper as the canopy was opening.

Even though today’s parachutes are much safer to use, they are also much more complex. As a result of this, the civilian training programs of today have been modified to meet these advancements--The basic military personnel still undergo about three weeks of ground training before ever making the first jump. In the early days of skydiving, only a minimal amount of knowledge in the sport was necessary to make a solo free-fall jump. Today, there are three different options from which to choose.

The first option is the static jump. Before someone makes his or her first static jump, five hours of ground training must be taken. This ground training covers everything from how to exit and release from the plane, to what to do in a multitude of emergency situations. After the six hours of training, the student(s) suit-up and board the plane to make the first jump. While en route to the jump site, the jumpmaster will connect the 15’ static line that goes from the student’s main chute to a loop that is fastened to the inside of the plane somewhere. Upon pushing away from the plane, the static line will automatically pull the main chute from the pack. After about five static line jumps; the student will then begin free-fall lessons that incrementally increase in time of free-fall and the type of maneuvers required. After successfully completing about 15 jumps, the student will obtain a Class “A” skydiving license (aerodromeskysports.com/static).

The second option is the tandem jump. With the tandem jump, the student jumps attached to a certified jump instructor. When the student arrives the day of the jump, he or she will only have about an hour of training before going up with the instructor to jump. While the minimum age for the static line is 16; because tandem jumping is still considered to be experimental, the student must be at least 18 years old. While more expensive, tandem jumping is the quickest way to experience the thrill of free-fall. This type of instruction requires about 20 successful jumps to reach licensed status (aerodromeskysports.com/tandem).

The third option is AFF-Advanced Free Fall. This course is more rigorous than the first two mentioned. The first jump is identical to the first jump for the static jump (including five hours of training). The second jump, which can be made the same day, consists of two additional hours of ground training and then the student jumps with two AFF instructors who guide and help the student. After free-falling for about a mile, 30 seconds, the student then deploys the parachute manually. If the student does not deploy as instructed, one of the instructors will deploy the parachute for the student. There are about 20 required jump in AFF, which are broken up into eight different levels. The minimum age requirement is 16 (aerodromeskysports.com/aff).

As you can see, skydiving is an unusual sport rich in history. Though the reputation of skydiving is dangerous, with the proper equipment and training skydiving can be an extremely safe sport in which to get involved. When it comes down to it, receiving proper training, equipment, and information on the ground is what determines how your experience will be in the air. Almost every emergency that arises in skydiving can be walked away from; but only if proper training on the ground on how to handle those situations is taught first.

Carey, Keith. A Beginner's Guide to Airsports. London: A & C Black Limited, 1994.

HYPERLINK http://www.aerodromeskysports.com/student.html http://www.aerodromeskysports.com/student.html, 1998.

Sellick, Bud. The Wild, Wonderful World of Parachutes and Parachuting. New Jersey:

Spatz, Bradley C., "Skydiving Statistics", HYPERLINK http://www.afn.org/skydive/sta/stats.html http://www.afn.org/skydive/sta/stats.html,

"2 Miles Up and Falling" is an informational essay about skydiving. My dad has been working for TWA since 1965. Because I grew up around airplanes, I have always had a fascination with anything aeronautical. When I was 10, my dad had enough seniority that the immediate family could fly free whenever and wherever we wanted to go. By the time I was around thirteen; my brother, sister, and I were flying all over the country by ourselves. When I was fourteen, my dad, brother, and I went to Germany for four days. At fifteen, I flew to Paris alone. Although I was happy with flying on planes, I desired more. Around 1995, I started taking flying lessons. However, at $60/hour it quickly became too expensive a hobby to continue. I had also always wanted to skydive; so last summer two friends and I made an appointment and made our first jump. Since we wanted to be able to free fall on the first jump, we jumped tandem from an altitude of about two miles. The feeling was amazing. I was able to get another jump in before it turned colder. This year we hope to jump several times.

This essay is an example of how I can take a topic that has a powerful and emotional connection to me, and then use referential information to prove the soundness of what would seem to be an otherwise unsound hobby. By no means do I believe skydiving is for everyone-in fact I'm terrified of heights; however, if someone wanted to skydive but wasn't sure if it was a safe sport then this essay may help them to make their decision.

How to Improve Your Writing

SESSION 13