 Tools for a
Balanced Lifestyle
A Program of Recovery from Weight Related Problems
Going for the 3 increases: Increase of Health; Increase of Happiness and
Increase of Energy
Chapter 3:
Eat to Live
III.
CHILD work of Self-forgiveness over Misuse of Food
The cavepeople did not
misuse food, so they did not experience anger at themselves for misuse of food.
They were too busy scouting it out, gathering it up, preparing it to be cooked,
cooking it and finally eating it. They might have been angry at themselves for
not being good enough hunters to capture the food they needed. They might have
been angry at themselves for not being quick enough to keep up with their
food-source targets. They could not waste a lot of time being angry at
themselves or else they would have lost the momentum to keep up their struggle
to survive and live.
You need to accept that you
can not spend a great deal of emotional energy on being angry at yourself for
the ways you have misused food in your life. You cannot spend time in
recriminations against yourself for not being a "good enough" user of
food. You need to stop putting
yourself down as a loser for your past disastrous relationship with food. You
need to let go of your need to punish yourself for your lack of
"self-control" in your dealings with food. You need to let go of the
shame and guilt you feel about your compulsive, obsessive and addictive need for
food. You need to give yourself an emotional break from your self-destructive
course of life where food is concerned. You need to stop using food as the
punishment for your unhealthy out of control fixations, fantasies and cravings
for food. You need to stop binging on food to medicate your shame and guilt for
your poor dealings with food. You need to stop condemning yourself for your
weight problem resulting from your foodaholicism. You need to get to work at
nurturing yourself in emotional ways rather than with food, so as to gain a new
appreciation for and new relationship with food. You need to re-parent yourself
about what place food has in your life. You need to rewrite the old behavioral
scripts and tapes in your mind about how to deal with food. You need to let go
of the anger your feel about yourself in terms of your failed love affair with
food. You need to forgive yourself for being a human being who is subject to
making mistakes and experiencing failures in life especially when it comes to
your use of food. You need to accept that once you let go of your anger over
food and food related issues and messages, you will then need to forgive
yourself for your self-destructive, self-defeating roller coaster ride with
food. What you need to do is the CHILD work of self-forgiveness using the format
offered in Self-Forgiveness in Growing Down-Tools for Healing the
Inner Child.
First you need to CALM
yourself down from your sense of isolation, self-loathing, self-hatred, shame
and guilt which you feel when your are considering the disastrous aftermath of
your failed relationship with food. Set yourself down and begin to visualize you
and your inner child in the presence of your Higher Power in a safe place to
work on your food relationship issues. Once you feel comfortable with your inner
child's and Higher Power's presence you are ready to move on to the next step.
Second, once you are
comfortable in the presence of your inner child and Higher Power, you are ready
to help yourself HEAL by writing out a Self-Forgiveness Script similar
to that offered Self-Forgiveness unit. In this script you need to forgive
yourself for your past misuse of food and include the new messages about food
which you will need to maintain your new balance lifestyle. Once you have
written your own personal script you will be ready for the next step.
Third, you are now ready to INFORM
yourself of the messages of self-forgiveness and new hope for your relationship
with food. To inform yourself, stand in front of a full length mirror and read
to yourself, in the presence of your inner child and Higher Power, the
self-forgiveness script you have written to help you end your self-destructive
relationship with food. As you begin to inform yourself of self-forgiveness
message you simultaneously are ready for the next step.
Fourth, as you are informing
yourself, in your mirror work, of messages of self-forgiveness, you give
yourself messages of unconditional self-LOVE to help you heal from the
sense of failure, disappointment, shame, guilt and misery you have been
experiencing in your past failed and disastrous relationship with food. As you
continue to inform and grow in self-love you are ready to take the final step in
this CHILD work.
Fifth, as you experience
being informed of the messages of self-forgiveness and hope for a new beginning
with food and feel the growth of self-love in your heart, you need to DIRECT
your inner child to be the beacon of hope and your spiritual link with your
Higher Power as you progress in developing a new healthier relationship with
food. You need to direct your team of support to be there for you when the
pressures from food become burdensome. You need to direct your triad team of
adult you, inner child and Higher Power to work together to assist you to come
back from slips and relapses with food. You need to tell your inner spiritual
team to be vigilant and ready for the assaults on you which food will make as
you struggle with your new found understanding and commitment to relate to food
in a healthier way. You need to direct the team to assist you to overcome the
ongoing sensations of guilt and shame you feel as you do the mirror work
encouraged in this program. You need to direct the team to help you overcome the
sensations of being helpless, defenseless and incompetent to fight off the daily
assaults which food makes on you. You
need to remind your inner child and Higher Power that they need to remain with
you to heal the sense of being alone, abandoned and isolated from food as you
begin to effect a healthy separation from the enmeshed relationship you had with
it in the past. You finally need to direct yourself to continue this effort of
self-forgiveness and self-loving so that you will grow in self-esteem. This will
then help you to believe that you are a beautiful person deserving of your
effort, time and energy to make your lifestyle more balanced.
Do this CHILD work exercise
at least five times a week for the next month to assist you to cleanse your
heart of the pain, hurt and suffering you have experienced in your past
relationship with food. Continue to use this CHILD effort for the rest of your
life whenever you find yourself weakening and wanting to relapse or slip back
into your old self-destructive use of food.
What follows is a sample Self-Forgiveness
Script for this CHILD self-forgiveness mirror work, which you can freely
personalize for your own needs.
Script for:
SELF-FORGIVENESS FOR MISUSE OF
FOOD
(Remember you are talking to yourself in the mirror)
I forgive you for
misusing food.
I forgive you for being a
human subject to making mistakes and experiencing failures.
I forgive you for not
being perfect.
I forgive you for
responding to the messages which encouraged you to abuse food.
I forgive you for
responding to food in an addictive, compulsive and obsessive way.
I forgive you for being a
foodaholic or compulsive overeater.
I forgive you for using
food to medicate negative and celebrate positive emotions.
I forgive you for the
self-destructive and self-defeating ways in which you handled food.
I forgive you for being
confused as to how to deal with food.
I forgive you for your
irrational, unrealistic and unhealthy thinking about food.
I forgive you for having
your old fixations, fantasies and inappropriate cravings for food.
I forgive you for being
so out of control in your use of food.
I forgive you for having
a poor relationship with food.
I forgive you for having
a failed love affair with food.
I forgive you for being a
loser in your disastrous relationship with food.
I forgive you for having
low-self esteem when it comes to your relationship with food.
I forgive you for what
has happened to your body due to being out of control with food.
I forgive you for having
gained more weight than is healthy for you.
I forgive you for your
life being out of balance as a result of your misuse of food.
I will be able to get
through the pain and hurt of my poor relationship with food by handing it over
to my Higher Power.
I will be able to face
the ongoing pressures of maintaining control with food by relying on my inner
child and Higher Power to assist me.
I am a beautiful person
who deserves to see myself as beautiful. I see you as beautiful. I love you for
being you and nothing you have done wrong with food will keep me from loving
you.
I know that in the past
you did the best you could do, knowing
what you did about food.
I respect you for your
efforts to begin to change your life around and your efforts to put a balance
into your life around food.
I love you for your
willingness to take care of yourself, learning more about food and nutrition so
that you can make healthy choices and trade offs to keep your life in balance.
I love you for being open
to the new messages about food you are currently getting in the Tools for a
Balanced Lifestyle Program.
I do not need to condemn
myself anymore for my past misuse of food.
I can let go of the shame
and guilt over my misuse of food.
I feel lighter and less
burdened by feeling forgiven for my past misuse of food.
I feel the forgiveness I
am receiving, over my misuse of food, from my inner child and Higher Power
I can let go of my past
misuse of food and know I am forgiven.
I am now ready to have my
heart open to the new messages of hope about food.
Food is just food.
I only need to eat when I
am hungry.
I will deal with my
feelings in food-less ways in the future.
I will accept that foods
are not fattening or bad as long as I use them in a healthy way.
I am ready to accept that
tradeoffs can be made to enjoy the food I enjoy eating.
I will accept that I can
deal with food in a guilt-free way and keep my life in balance.
I will accept that I eat
to live and not live to eat.
Related Tools for Coping Readings
1. Self-Esteem Seekers
Anonymous-The SEA's Program Manual
2. Tools for Handling
Loss
3. Tools for Anger
Workout
4. Growing Down-Tools for
Healing the Inner Child
To assist you to move on to the next unit in Tools
for a Balanced Lifestyle: Chapter 3: Eat to Live,
click the topic below:
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