 Tools for a
Balanced Lifestyle
A Program of Recovery from Weight Related Problems
Going for the 3 increases: Increase of Health; Increase of Happiness and
Increase of Energy
Chapter 3:
Eat to Live
II.
ANGER Workout for Resentment against Food
The cavepeople did not
harbor any resentment against food because it was so hard to come by and because
they needed it to live. They at times might have been irritated by the taste of
the food that day. Or they might have been frustrated by the fact that they had
to work so hard to get food at a particular time. They might have been angry
that there wasn't enough food to go around to keep everybody in their cave
community nourished and healthy. If you had asked them if they held resentment
against food, they would have wondered what was wrong with you for asking such a
stupid question. They would have said, "We cannot afford to hold any
resentment against food because we need it to stay alive. If we harbored any
anger inside of us against food, we might not be aggressive enough in harvesting
it and then we would end up starving and dying."
Cavepeople were pragmatic. They did not worry about their negative
feelings towards food since they realized they should be grateful if they were
getting enough of it to satisfy their hunger and stay alive.
How about you? Do you harbor
any resentment against food? Do you resent the messages you have been given
about food which have caused you problems in your relationship with food? Are
you resentful against the people who have given you a hard time about food in
your past? Are you resentful against people in your life who do not have a
problem with eating food and who seem to be able to eat anything in any amount
they want and still not gain weight? Do you resent aspects about food which you
feel are unfair and not just? Do you get angry about food related issues when
they come up? Do you find yourself getting mad at the focus of the messages of
the Balanced Lifestyles Program about food? Do you find yourself stuffing your
anger at food related issues as you proceed in this program? Are you resistant
to changing your relationship with food because of old tapes in your head which
keep you angry and resentful to food related issues? If you are harboring even a
little bit of resentment about a food related topic then you need to do ANGER
work to free yourself up emotionally to relate to food in the healthier way as
promoted in this book and program.
First you need to ACCEPT that
you are angry and resentful against food or a food related issue. You need to
allow yourself to be human and imperfect to have such an emotional response to
food and it multifaceted issues. It is ok if you are angry and resentful, but
you need to accept that if you do not address this anger at this point in the
program you will not be able to relax enough with food to establish the healthy
new relationship you need with it inorder to establish a balanced lifestyle. You
will never allow yourself to be open totally to the new messages about food such
as: "I eat to live." "I only eat when I am hungry."
"Food is Food." "I will deal with my emotions in a food-free
way." "I will accept all foods are good for me." "Food does
not make me fat, I make myself fat so I will change the way I use and relate to
food." "I eat to live and not live to eat." You will resist these
new messages unless you rid yourself of your anger inhibiting feelings you hold
against food. So relax your defenses and admit to yourself that you do indeed
have anger against a food related issue and proceed to the next step.
Secondly you need to NAME
what you are angry or resentful
over concerning food:
A. You need to identify the
messages you have gotten about food which you deeply resent because of the
negative impact they have had on your life such as: "Eat everything on your
plate." "You can feed 1000 Chinese people with what is left on your
plate." "Just think of all of the starving people in the world who
would be happy to be eating that right now." "Eat and be happy."
"Look what I made for you because I love you, but you don't have to eat all
of it since you don't need it." "If you don't eat that I won't be
happy." "Is this how you treat my love for you by refusing to eat what
I offer you?" "Don't eat that, it's not good for you." "How
can you eat that it's so fattening." "Be a good member of the 'clean
plate club' and finish everything before you leave the table." "I'm
going to punish you if you don't finish that food." "I'm going to
punish you if you eat that." "You can't have that food because it is
not good for you." "Only special people are going to get the treat
today." "If you don't hurry up and eat it, then I'll finish it for
you." "If you don't eat it now, then there won't be any thing left for
you to eat." "You should feel guilty for eating all of that
food." You need to try to identify every message in your mind about food
which makes you resentful towards food or a food related issue.
B. You need to identify the
people in your life who have given you the messages about food which bring up
anger and resentment in you. These people could be your mother, father, sister
or brother. They could be one of your grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins.
It could have been a teacher, neighbor, friend or classmate. It could be
a past spouse, lover or significant other. It could even be a member of your
current family be it a spouse, son or daughter. You need to name every one who
has said negative messages to you about food whom you resent to this day.
C. You need to identify the
implicit and explicit messages about food, you have received from the print and
electronic media and from the food and diet industries which get you angry and
resentful such as: "Thin is in, inorder to be accepted you need to eat less
food, lose weight and become thin." "Thin is beautiful, join our diet
plan for a more beautiful you." "Mr or Miss Right will appear after
you become a thinner you." "Every food we advertize is delicious,
nutritious and ready right now for you to eat." "Inorder to lose
weight you need to obsess and think out what food you are going to eat."
You need to look at the media and the food and diet industries carefully for
their messages which keep you upset, angry and resentful about food.
D. You need to identify the
issues about food which rise your ire and resentment such as: "Why is it
that the foods I like to eat are 'bad' for me and the foods that are supposedly
'good' for me taste awful to
me?" "Food is too readily available and too easy to get my hands
on." "Why is it that I can't eat as much of the food that tastes good
to me as often as I like?" "I resent that food takes away my energy,
by my carrying the extra weight around on my body which is the result of food in
my life." "I hate that food makes me fat." "I resent that
thinking about food occupies alot of my time." "I resent that food
makes me unhealthy." "I resent that food is the center of all of my
social dealings with people." "I resent that food is a problem for
me." "I hate that food is my addiction." "I resent the food
has not been fair to me." " I resent that I have to be conscious all
of the time about what foods I eat." "I resent that I have had a
failed love affair with food." "I hate the people who can eat all the
food they want and never gain weight." "I hate all diets and the diet
conspiracies perpetrated upon me over my life time." You need to identify
all food related issues over which you harbor any anger, resentment or
irritation.
E. Lastly you need to
identify all of the messages about food, in the Tools for a Balanced
Lifestyle Program, which raise up any rage, anger, irritation or resentment
in you such as: "You can eat anything you want as long as you are willing
to make tradeoffs with other foods within the meal or in increasing exercise or
decreasing caloric intake over the next few days to compensate for what you have
eaten." "You have to deal with your emotions in a food-free way
through the SEA's Systems of Recovery."
"Your current relationship with food could be classified as an addiction,
compulsion or obsession and it will take your entire lifetime to correct your
relationship with food." "There are no quick fixes to your problems
with food." "There will always be the possibility of relapse in your
dealings with food for the rest of your life, so it will be something you will
always need to work on." "You will need to make a commitment to
yourself, by loving yourself enough, to relate to food in a healthy way."
"Life is not always fair. Your changing of your relationship with food will
require you to accept life the way it is rather than the way you want it to
be." "Food is Food." "You only need to eat when you are
hungry." "You need to eat to live instead of
living to eat." Unless you identify all of the messages about food
related issues in this program which raise anger and resentment in you, you will
never be able to become open to these messages to implement them in you new
lifestyle. You need to recognize that your resistance to the messages of the
Balance Lifestyle Program might also be based on your personality behavioral
patterns described in Laying the
Foundation. Your
resentment towards the messages in this program might be rooted in your approach
to all efforts to help you change and grow. You need to identify and recognize
how your behavioral pattern influences your level of resistance and how you jump
to negative assumptions to turn you off and become resentful to messages of hope
and health.
Once you have identified all
the resentment and anger inducing issues about food and named all of the
messages about food, all of the people who have said negative things about food,
all of the media and food and diet industry messages about food, all the food
related issues and messages about food in this program then you are ready to
proceed to the next step.
Third you need to GET IT
OUT of your system by doing Resentment anger workout as outlined in Handling Resentment in the Tools for Anger
Workout. For purposes of this ANGER workout write at least one
letter of resentment in your journal for each of the five categories listed in
the above NAME IT step. After you complete one letter than do an aggressive
workout on your "anger bag" and beat out the visualized object of
resentment until you feel satiated. If after completing these five letters with
their respective anger workouts, you still feel resentment against food related
issues then proceed to write more letters of resentment in your journal and do
more aggressive anger release work. It is important to realize that you will
probably need to continue to release your resentment and anger over food related
issues for the rest of your life so do not try to rid yourself of all of it at
one time. You will most probably be ready for the last two steps of the ANGER
process after you write each letter followed by an aggressive anger workout.
Once you have gotten your
anger out through your letter of resentment and subsequent anger work, you will
feel more ENERGIZED and ready to RESUME your efforts at trying to
develop a new relationship with food which will help you to become more like a
caveperson in your dealings with food. You will find yourself being more
receptive to the new healthier messages about food and ready to implement the
changes necessary in your eating habits for your new balanced lifestyle. You
will be able to do this because you will have achieved the ability to forgive
all of the people in your life and food itself for the anger inducing issues
over which you have harbored resentment for so long. As you resume your
relationship building efforts with food try to visualize your successful
attainment of such a relationship with food without the anger and resentment you
once held for food and food related issues.
As you rid yourself of the
anger and resentment over food in your heart and gut you will most probably find
that you are no longer stuffing your anger over food with food. The more you
release your negative feelings over food the more likely it will be that you
will not use food to medicate your feelings over it.
Tools for Coping Related
Readings:
1. Self-Esteem Seekers
Anonymous The SEA's Program Manual
Section
2: The SEA's Tools for Recovery, p. 20
2. Laying the Foundation
Chapter
3: Looking-Good Behavior Characteristics, p. 19
Chapter
4: Acting-Out Behavior Characteristics, p. 25
Chapter
5: Pulling-in Behavior Characteristics, p. 29
Chapter
6: Entertaining Behavior Characteristics, p. 33
Chapter
7: Troubled-Person Behavior Characteristics, p. 37
Chapter
8: Enabling Behavior Characteristics, p. 41
Chapter
9: Rescuing Behavior Characteristics, p. 47
Chapter
10: People-Pleasing Behavior Characteristics, p. 51
Chapter
11: Nonfeeling Behavior Characteristics, p. 55
3. Tools for Anger
Workout
Chapter
7: Handling Resentment, p. 39
To assist you to move on to the next unit in Tools
for a Balanced Lifestyle: Chapter 3: Eat to Live,
click the topic below:
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