 Tools
for Victorious Living
A Biblical Perspective for Coping with the Death of a Loved One
Table of
Contents:
Foreword
Lesson 1: Annunciation
(draft completed)
Lesson 2: Angel’s news
for Joseph (draft completed)
Lesson 3: Selection of
God’s Earthly Aunt and Uncle (draft completed)
Lesson 4: Mary visits Elizabeth
Lesson 5: Naming of John the Baptist
Lesson 6: Flight to
Egypt
Lesson 7: Presentation of Jesus at the Temple (draft
completed)
Lesson 8: Loss of Son in Temple
Lesson 9: Wedding at Cana
Lesson 10: Jesus’ Cousin John the
Baptist
Lesson 11: Public Ministry of Jesus
Lesson 12: Lazarus and his sisters Mary
and Martha
Lesson 13: Crucifixion
Lesson 14: Peter
Lesson 15: Thomas
Lesson 16: James and John
Lesson 17: The Apostles
Lesson 20: Adam and Eve
Lesson 19: Abraham and Isaac
Lesson 20: Noah
Lesson 21: Job
Lesson 22: Joshua and Joseph
Lesson 23: Gideon
Lesson 24: David and Goliath
Lesson 25: Jeremiah
Lesson 26: Moses and Israelites in Dessert
Model for a Church Ministry or Support
Group
This series of lessons from biblical readings is a labor
of love which is intended to help people who doubt God's love for them due to
the death of their loved ones. In working with people who are grieving the death
of a loved one I am overwhelmed by the immensity of the loss these people
experience. I lost my sister Paulette on February 9, 2003 and her
memorial on this website was a tool by
which I was able to express my grief and loss over her death. I still grieve her
death and know that all my life I will still feel the hole which her death has
caused in my life. At the same time I was grieving her loss, I was becoming more
and more involved in dealing with people who were experiencing similar if not
more painful losses than what I was experiencing. I believe my sister has been a
guiding force helping me to find my way to becoming a better bereavement
counselor and supporter. I dedicate this effort to her memory since it was her
death which began this journey which I have found myself on for the past three
years or more. Secondly I want to dedicate this work to
Regina who died on December
2, 2003 in an auto accident and whose memorial is also on this site. I began
working with her family that same month she died. Their courage in the face of
such adversity has inspired me to pursue this journey so that I can assist them
in developing a Regina Ministry which can be utilized in churches to assist
people learn to cope with the death of their loved ones.
I typically have worked with people who were bereaving the
loss of a loved one, one to five years later. Only in the last three years have
I worked with people who have just lost their loved ones. The more involved I
have become working with families who have just lost loved ones the more I have
found that there is a consistent theme coming out of what I am witnessing.
The
families I work with in groups or counseling sessions are wonderful families who
are often very loyal church attendees and yet these people suffer greatly due to the
death of their loved ones. I have seen and heard the same types of feelings of
pain experienced when they have felt like God had turned His back on them by
allowing their loved one to die. I know that God loves these people but that the
pain of their loss is so great that it makes it hard for them to believe that
God loves them.
I also know that so many of the people I work with have
extreme anger and they have no where to direct this anger. They often direct the
anger at themselves because they irrationally believe that in some way they
could have saved their loved ones if they had had the chance, insights,
miracles, or magical tools to save them and they didn't. I on the other hand,
knowing how much God loves them, encourage them to shower their anger on God! I
say that "God is a Big Boy and He can take all the anger that you shed on Him."
I also say that "Once you exhaust your anger you will find peace and guess what!
- that peace comes from God" I go on to say:" Maybe God allowed your loved one
to die, but I promise you He will be there with healing grace and peace if you
will just let out your anger on Him and not on yourself or others."
These lovely people also contend with severe guilt
over what they did not do. In some cases they feel guilt over what they did do in the past which
they wish they had not done. These people believe that if they had just loved their loved
ones more that they would still have their loved ones alive today! I
encourage them to let go of their guilt and hand that guilt over to God. I say
to them: "God is huge and he can take anything you dish out to him" I go on to
say: "If you hand over your guilt to God and keep handing it over, I can promise
you that God will not hand it back!" That is how good God is! He will take on
their pain and guilt so as to relieve them of such a heavy emotional weight and
burden to carry through out their lives.
Finally these lovely people who are riddled with anger and
guilt have a real confusion as to the role of God in their lives. If God loved
them so much and if God loved their loved ones so much why did their loved ones
have to die? Their loved one's death, then becomes a sign that God does not love
them. Many of these lovely grieving people come to believe that God has turned
His back on them. They then begin to ask "why pray to God since my prayers were
not answered, a miracle did not occur and my loved one died with no miracle, no
rescuing from God, and no sign of God's mercy!" Well I turn around and say to
them: "God was always there with you and He will always be there with you for
the rest of your life, however the pain of your loss and grief is so intense
that it causes "chatter" in your soul so that it blocks out the loving
redemptive messages which God sends you daily." I encourage people to let go of
that sense of abandonment to quiet that chatter so that they can be open to
listen to and witness to the wonderful healing messages which God is sending
their way.
Anger, Guilt and feeling betrayed by God are normal
emotions for people to experience in their dealing with the death of their loved
ones. It is my hope that these lessons will assist people who are grieving the
death of a loved one gain a sense of peace, release of their anger and guilt and
realize that even in their bleakest moments in coping with their loss that God
is still with them.
I have chosen this road to follow to hopefully help grieving
people find some peace in their life long journey of bereavement. It is my hope
that these lessons will allow people who feel abandoned by God to recognize that
God is always there for them. To give such hope I want them to see that God was
with His friends and chosen ones in these Bible passages presented in these
lessons. I am presenting stories of how badly God's friends and chosen ones
seemed to be treated by God and/or because of their relationship with Him.
I am hoping that grieving people will recognize the
redemptive messages which these biblical lessons teach: that no matter how
isolated, abandoned, or ignored by God one of his chosen loved ones felt, God
always provided a supportive, loving, and redemptive outlet to help them turn
their negative life situations into lessons for us to gain hope from.
I am writing these lessons to be used by grieving loved
ones on their own or to be used in group settings. It is my belief that those who journey through all
of these 26 lessons will not be relieved totally of their feelings of grief and loss but
that they will hopefully grow in an appreciation that there are tools out there
to be used to help them cope with the rest of their lives in a fruitful and
productive way of life. Nothing will ever bring their dead loved ones back to
life, but hopefully by working through these lessons and by doing other
bereavement activities they will be able to bring some spark of life back into
their own lives which went out when their loved ones died.
Jim Messina
May 25, 2006
(draft completed)
Lesson 1: Annunciation:
Mary copes with an
unexpected reality in her life as a role model for all people who have suffered
the loss of a loved one to death
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Annunciation:
Luke 1:26-38
In the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God to
a town of Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph,
of the house of David, and the virgin's name was Mary. And coming to her, he
said, "Hail, favored one! The Lord is with you." But she was greatly troubled at
what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. Then the angel
said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Behold,
you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He
will be great and will be called Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will
give him the throne of David his father, and he will rule over the house of
Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end."
But Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I have
no relations with a man?"
And the angel said to her in reply, "The holy Spirit will
come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore the
child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God. And behold, Elizabeth,
your relative, has also conceived a son in her old age, and this is the sixth
month for her who was called barren; for nothing will be impossible for God."
Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it
be done to me according to your word." Then the angel departed from her.
Questions to ponder:
- If Mary was the chosen mother of the Son of God and
was selected by God for this task, why did He do it in the way He did it?
- What do we have to learn from this which will help us
better grasp the role of God in our lives?
Now consider the reading of
the Annunciation
Luke 1:26-38 piece by piece:
"Hail, favored one! The Lord is with you." When the
angel said these words how favored do you think Mary felt? Do people who have
lost a loved one feel “favored” or do they not feel “out of favor” with God?
But she was greatly troubled at what was said and
pondered what sort of greeting this might be. So even Mary, who was to
become the mother of the Jesus- the Son of God, was troubled by this news. How
refreshing to know that even those people in the Bible who were loved by God
felt troubled by what was happening in their lives. So as a person who has lost
a loved one you do not have to fear that lightning will strike you down when you
feel troubled by what has happened in your life. People do not have to be
embarrassed in expressing their anger and dismay that their lives have been torn
a part and turned upside down due to the death of their loved oned.
Then the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for
you have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a
son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called Son of
the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father,
and He will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will
be no end." Wow! Too much information for such a young girl to hear all at
one time! Here she is to conceive out of wedlock a child who is to become Jesus
who is the Son of God! This must have sounded improbable to this young girl. No
less improbable than when people who have lost a loved one hear others say to
them: “you will be able to cope with the loss and someday you will be able to
get on with your life.” It just sounds too good to be true. Mary intuitively
knew that her life would change forever and no reassurance from an Angel would
make a difference. So too for people who suffer the loss of loved one, no
reassurance in the world will ever be able to convince them that they will not
suffer the loss they are feeling for the rest of their own lives.
But Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I
have no relations with a man?" So you are telling me I will conceive a child
when I have not been in a position to conceive? This was clearly way beyond
Mary’s comprehension. So too when people first hear the news of the death of
their loved one, they have a problem comprehending the scope and depth of the
news and cannot conceive of a future without their loved one in it. People
become numb in hearing such bad news, just like Mary must have become numb. How
can people comprehend such horrific and monumental news! It will take time for
the reality to soak in.
And the angel said to her in reply, "The Holy Spirit
will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you.
Therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God. It seems
improbable that Mary was any more reassured by this news. This sounded so unreal
and improbable that most probably she went into denial about what was being
said. So too people on realizing their loved ones have died have a natural
ability to deny the reality so that they can continue to breathe and go on
living day to day after their loved ones have died.
“And behold, Elizabeth, your relative, has also
conceived a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was
called barren; for nothing will be impossible for God." To awaken Mary out
of her shock and denial the Angel went on to tell Mary that she shared a similar
fate with her cousin Elizabeth. It is amazing how quickly Mary turned around
after getting this news. For that reason people who gain support from other
people who have lost loved ones do best in coping with this reality. Mary was
lucky that she and her cousin Elizabeth could commiserate with one another. So
too people who have lost loved ones do find that meeting with other people in a
similar situation helps them to be able to piece together their lives and make
sense of their future. Who is or are the Elizabeths in your life?
Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May
it be done to me according to your word." Then the angel departed from her.
Mary went through a short form of resolution of her grief and shock and came to
full acceptance of the reality which fate had dealt her. She was ready to
surrender to what was going to happen in her life and she is a wonderful example
for grieving people of what they will need to do in order to pick up their lives
and keep on living after their loved ones have died.
Possible responses to the
questions raised by this lesson:
If Mary was the chosen mother
of the Son of God and was selected by God for this task, why did He do it in the
way He did it? What do we have to learn from this which will help us better
grasp the role of God in our lives?
People who have lost their loved
ones ask the same question: Why did God do this to me in this way? Just like
Mary people who lose their loved ones are faced with a life altering reality
which makes them wonder if God is really on their side or against them. Look at
Mary: a single teenager who was engaged to be married becomes pregnant and must
face her fiancée, her parents, family, friends and the community in this
embarrassing situation. Likewise people who lose their loved ones must face
their own parents, family, friends and the community with the shock and dismay
of the loss of their loved ones with no answers as to why this has happened to
them. Is this a payback from God for something terrible they have done in their
lives? Or is this a test from God to see if their faith is true or not? The
answer is probably much less complex than these questions raise. Just like Mary,
in the Annunciation, this has happened to people because this is just the way it
is with no real rationale, reason, or clarity as to why it happened. It calls on
people to have a faith like Mary to surrender and to accept the unexpected
reality of the loss and move on in life the best they can with the means they
have at hand. Secondly just like Mary they probably have an "Elizabeth" in their
lives who also has suffered the life altering reality of the loss of a loved one
to death and hopefully they can join up with these "Elizabeths'' for support as
they learn to cope and deal with the loss after their loved ones' death.
(draft completed)
Lesson 2: Angel’s News for
Joseph: How
Joseph found out he was to become the Stepfather to Jesus the Son of God
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Angel’s News for Joseph:
Matthew
1:18-25
Now this is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. When
his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was
found with child through the Holy Spirit. Joseph her husband, since he was a
righteous man, yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her
quietly. Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to
him in a dream and said, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary
your wife into your home. For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has
been conceived in her. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus,
because he will save his people from their sins." All this took place to fulfill
what the Lord had said through the prophet: "Behold, the virgin shall be with
child and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel," which means "God is
with us." When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him
and took his wife into his home. He had no relations with her until she bore a
son, and he named him Jesus.
Questions to Ponder:
- Why did Mary and her betrothed love Joseph have to be subjected to
public humiliation for this wonderful blessing and gift from God?
- What would have been the human thing to have done in the face of such
“bad news”
- What do people who are grieving the loss of a loved one have to learn
from this?
Now let us consider this story
in Matthew
1:18-25 piece by piece:
Now this is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about.
When his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, but before they lived together,
she was found with child through the Holy Spirit. Joseph being a good man
was dutifully betrothed or engaged to Mary. Joseph had not up to this point
lived with Mary. Mary as we saw in the Annunciation was given the news that she
was to bear the Son of God and that she had conceived the baby through a miracle
of the Holy Spirit since she had not had any relations with any man including
Joseph up to that moment. It is not hard to conjure up the feelings that both
Mary and Joseph must have gone through at this time in their lives. “Wow! How
could this be happening to us?” “Wow! How can this be happening to us?” is a
common phrase used by people who are experiencing the news or reality of the
death of a loved one. How can this be happening? Why is this happening? Why must
we suffer this incredible situation? Why does this have to be happening? Joseph
and Mary were surely asking all of these questions as they came to grips with
the reality of Mary’s “out of wedlock” pregnancy. The shock of this pregnancy
was overwhelming and it was hard to get their hands around it. Not unlike the
inability of people to get their hands around the shock of the reality of the
death of a loved one.
Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man, yet
unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly.
Joseph was a righteous man meaning he was a devout observer of the Mosaic Law.
Joseph was righteous meaning he was a good man who observed everything that his
God demanded of him. This certainly is a similar feeling that many people who
lose loved ones feel. “Hey, I live a life according to the rules, I follow God’s
commands, and I live by the commandments in all that I do and yet my loved one
died? How fair is this?” Joseph recognizing the lack of fairness in the
situation wished to break his union with someone whom he suspected of gross
violation of the law. He was unwilling to expose her to shame on the other hand
since the penalty for proven adultery was death by stoning. Joseph wanted to
quietly free her from being betrothed to him so that she could secretly move on
with her life with this unexpected pregnancy. Joseph wanted to escape the
reality of this major loss in his life. His betrothed “wife to be” was pregnant
and clearly this was not according to their mutual plans and clearly was
something that he could not grasp nor was he willing to live with. He wanted to
put it behind him and move on with his life. How similar Joseph’s reaction is to
the reaction of people who want to go into denial or escapism from the reality
of the death of a loved one. “It is easier to avoid the reality and run away
from it than to face it head on! I would rather avoid the reality of this
sadness and live my life as if it does not exist and that it never happened.”
Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the
Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph, son of David, do not be
afraid to take Mary your wife into your home. The angel comes to Joseph and
tells him not to be afraid of what is going on with Mary. The angel is
encouraging him not to go into denial, not to runaway, and not to avoid the
reality of what is happening in his life. Instead the Angel is telling Joseph to
stay where you are, go ahead with your earlier plans to marry Mary, and accept
Mary as you have always accepted her. This is very similar to the encouragement
which people who are suffering from the death of a loved one get from
bereavement counselors, support group members, and other concerned individuals
in their lives. “Do not runaway from your pain, but face your pain, and live
through it. Continue to live your life as you were planning on living it prior
to the death of your loved one.” But wait a minute! For Joseph things would
never be the same because his fiancée had gotten pregnant by not by him and how
could he live with this reality. For those who lose a loved one to death, how
can they go on with their lives as originally planned without their loved ones
in it? Clearly there is too much pain for such moving on?
For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has
been conceived in her. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus,
because he will save his people from their sins." Not only was Mary
pregnant, but Joseph is told in this dream by the angel that Mary is pregnant
with Jesus who is to be the Messiah. Now how can Joseph turn himself away from
the situation? How can he deny the truth of Mary’s pregnancy and how can he
allow her to possibly be stoned to death if she indeed was pregnant with the
Messiah? Joseph was called to a new level of faith and trust in God that he had
never experienced in his life. This call by God is similar to the call that
people who lose a loved one to death are called to. God calls those in grief to
trust in Him and have faith that they will survive this loss experience. For
Joseph to have faith and trust in God was an extremely courageous act. It does
take courage to have faith and trust in God that one day you will be able to
live day by day without being immobilized by the burden of suffering grief due
to the death of your loved one. Like Joseph grieving people are called to place
their hope, trust and faith in God, the very God who seems to have let them down
and ignored their pleas and prayers to keep their loved ones alive.
All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said
through the prophet: "Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and
they shall name him Emmanuel," which means "God is with us." Did Joseph know
that there were harbingers of good news in the Old Testament Prophecies about
what he and Mary were going through, or did he just place his trust and faith in
God and proceed to protect Mary and harbor her from a vicious fate due to her
being pregnant by anyone other than her betrothed husband? There are well
wishers, support group members, and counselors who let people who have newly
lost a loved one know that in time they will survive and be able to move on. It
is hard to believe at the beginning that one can really survive such a loss and
yet if they say it is so that you will survive then wait and see if what they
say is true-what do you have to lose? You have lost what was so dear to you
already when your loved one died what more can you lose? Trusting in the ability
to move on and survive the a loved one’s death is something which one must do
blindly if one is ever to come to come out the other end of the process in one
piece.
When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had
commanded him and took his wife into his home. He had no relations with her
until she bore a son, and he named him Jesus. So
Joseph woke out of his denial, stopped avoiding the reality, and faced it
squarely in the face and he took his betrothed wife Mary into his home. He
allowed the world around them to think that he was the natural father of the
baby whom Mary was carrying. Joseph in an act of faith and trust in God, helped
Mary give birth to the baby and Joseph made sure the baby was called Jesus. Wow,
Joseph took a chance and followed in faith the plan which was laid out for him
months earlier by the angel. Joseph is like those people in the support programs
who have survived the loss of a loved one five to ten years earlier. If these
people can survive such an intense loss then maybe you can too! If Joseph could
accept an unacceptable reality and make the most of it, then maybe you can too!
You can do it if you just lay your faith and trust in God to see you through
this horrible bleakness, pain, and dark life-draining process.
Possible responses to the questions raised by this
lesson:
Why did Mary and her betrothed love Joseph have to be
subjected to public humiliation for this wonderful blessing and gift from God?
What would have been the human thing to have done in the face of such “bad
news?” What do people who are grieving the loss of a loved one have to learn
from this?
There never
seems to be a good enough answer as to why God allows bad things to happen to
good and righteous people. Most people when faced with the bad news which Joseph
received would have high tailed it out of the situation and left Mary to handle
it on her own. Instead he stood by her and supported her and allowed the world
to think he was the father of the child she was bearing. It seems that people
who have lost a loved one have to learn that no matter how good a they are and
no matter how faithfully they follow the rules and abide the directions God has
given, that bad things can and most probably will happen to them. Grieving
people can learn that by placing trust and faith in that God who apparently has
just allowed bad things happen to them will succeed like Joseph did in turning a
bad situation into a “workable” situation. People who are deeply in grief can
learn from Joseph that it is important to listen to those angels in their lives
who are bearers of the news about coping with the loss of their loved ones. They
will need to listen to these angels about the reality of how long it will take,
what it will take, and the impact it will take on their lives. The angels in the
lives of people who are in grief after the death of a loved one are bearing news
which just like the angel with Joseph are bearing news which is not easy to
listen to. However like Joseph it will pay off in the long run by listening to
and abiding by the news the angels bring.
(draft completed)
Lesson 3:
Selection of God’s Earthly Aunt and Uncle:
learning that all people are human and the human
condition is a leveling influence on all mankind
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Selection of God’s Earthly
Aunt and Uncle:
Luke 1: 5-25
In the days of Herod, King of Judea, there was a priest
named Zechariah of the priestly division of Abijah; his wife was from the
daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. Both were righteous in the eyes
of God, observing all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blamelessly.
But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren and both were advanced in
years. Once when he was serving as priest in his division's turn before God,
according to the practice of the priestly service, he was chosen by lot to enter
the sanctuary of the Lord to burn incense. Then, when the whole assembly of the
people was praying outside at the hour of the incense offering, the angel of the
Lord appeared to him, standing at the right of the altar of incense. Zechariah
was troubled by what he saw, and fear came upon him. But the angel said to him,
"Do not be afraid, Zechariah, because your prayer has been heard. Your wife
Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall name him John. And you will have
joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great in
the sight of (the) Lord. He will drink neither wine nor strong drink. He will be
filled with the holy Spirit even from his mother's womb, and he will turn many
of the children of Israel to the Lord their God. He will go before him in the
spirit and power of Elijah to turn the hearts of fathers toward children and the
disobedient to the understanding of the righteous, to prepare a people fit for
the Lord." Then Zechariah said to the angel, "How shall I know this? For I am an
old man, and my wife is advanced in years." And the angel said to him in reply,
"I am Gabriel, who stand before God. I was sent to speak to you and to announce
to you this good news. But now you will be speechless and unable to talk until
the day these things take place, because you did not believe my words, which
will be fulfilled at their proper time." Meanwhile the people were waiting for
Zechariah and were amazed that he stayed so long in the sanctuary. But when he
came out, he was unable to speak to them, and they realized that he had seen a
vision in the sanctuary. He was gesturing to them but remained mute. Then, when
his days of ministry were completed, he went home. After this time his wife
Elizabeth conceived, and she went into seclusion for five months, saying, "So
has the Lord done for me at a time when he has seen fit to take away my disgrace
before others."
Selection of God’s Earthly Aunt
and Uncle:
Luke 1: 5-25
Questions to Ponder:
-
Elizabeth and Zacharias were
way beyond child bearing years and Elizabeth was "barren." Now God chose
them to bear a son named John who was to be the cousin of Jesus. What can we
learn from this mystery?
-
Why does God choose simple
people like this couple to bear witness to His Power on Earth? Why does he
put them through such complicated procedures to effect His will on earth?
Now consider this reading of
the selection of God's earthly Aunt and Uncle
Luke 1: 5-25 sentence by sentence:
In the days of
Herod, King of Judea, there was a priest named Zechariah of the priestly
division of Abijah; his wife was from the daughters of Aaron, and her name was
Elizabeth. Both were righteous in the eyes of God, observing all the
commandments and ordinances of the Lord blamelessly.
Zechariah was a
religious leader and a good man, and Elizabeth was a good woman who was a cousin
of Mary. This couple was ‘righteous” in the eyes of God because they did observe
all of God’s commandments and rules. Does this description strike a bell with
you? Do you consider yourself a good person in the eyes of God? Have you
followed his rules and commandments? Do you try to do all that is required of
you by God and His church? It seems that Elizabeth and Zechariah being such good
people and advancing in years must have been able to expect that they would be
rewarded for such righteous living just as perhaps you feel you should have been
rewarded for the good life you have lived to this point.
But they had no
child, because Elizabeth was barren and both were advanced in years.
They had no child
which is a very unfair reward for such a righteous life. In fact childlessness
was looked upon in contemporaneous Judaism as a curse or punishment for sin.
Clearly Elizabeth and Zechariah did not deserve to be childless based on the
quality of the lives they both had lived.
Once when he was
serving as priest in his division's turn before God, according to the practice
of the priestly service, he was chosen by lot to enter the sanctuary of the Lord
to burn incense. Then, when the whole assembly of the people was praying outside
at the hour of the incense offering, the angel of the Lord appeared to him,
standing at the right of the altar of incense. Zechariah was troubled by what he
saw and fear came upon him.
This seems to be a
normal reaction which the unexpected occurs. It would be assumed that nothing
but bad news could stem from this unusual circumstance in a setting in which
only good wonderful experiences are expected to happen.
But the angel
said to him, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah, because your prayer has been heard.
Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall name him John.
“Your prayer has
been heard” these are sure strange words to hear from an angel who is bringing
what appears to be rather shaky if not all together bad news! Elizabeth was
advanced in years way beyond natural childbearing years and the likelihood of
her bringing this fetus to term would appear on the surface to rather dim if not
entirely impossible and improbable. How can bad news be the answer to prayers?
Is this not the problem you faced when your loved one died and all the prayers
that you and others had said seemed to have been ignored or turned away? How can
something so bad be a good thing?
And you will
have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great
in the sight of (the) Lord. He will drink neither wine nor strong drink.
He will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from his mother's womb, and he will
turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God. He will go before him
in the spirit and power of Elijah to turn the hearts of fathers toward children
and the disobedient to the understanding of the righteous, to prepare a people
fit for the Lord."
The angel went on
to tell Zechariah that this son who would be born of his elderly wife Elizabeth
would be a welcomed person for many. This son John would be consecrated by
Nazirite vow and set apart for the Lord's service because he would drink neither
wine nor strong drink! John was to be the messenger sent before Yahweh on the
great and terrible day that the Lord is to come. This all sounded very far
fetched and improbable to Zechariah! How was the bad news of his elderly wife
getting pregnant supposed to end up with the birth of a son would be the
messenger of the Lord of good news for the Jewish people? Again he must have
been thinking: how can something so good come from something so bad?
Then Zechariah
said to the angel, "How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is
advanced in years." And the angel said to him in reply, "I am Gabriel, who
stands before God. I was sent to speak to you and to announce to you this good
news.
So Zechariah says
back to the angel exactly what we when we lose a loved one say to God: How can
this happen to such a wonderful person? How can this be happening? This seems so
improbable and unacceptable because this loved one’s time has not yet come and
death seems such a harsh reality to face given how good this person is and how
wonderful a life this person could still live if given a chance to survive! Well
the angel tried to reassure Zechariah that this bad news would end up with a
good by telling him that he could trust what the Angel was saying since this
Angel was the one who worked with God and was the one chosen by God to bring
this “good news” to Zechariah. As any normal person would when faced with real
“bad news” which the other person is trying to pawn off as being “good news,”
Zechariah was very suspicious and not ready to accept such overwhelming news
which on the surface looked so bad!
But now you will
be speechless and unable to talk until the day these things take place, because
you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled at their proper time."
So with this “good
news” came a sanction if the Zechariah did not wholly endorse and accept it. As
a result of his doubts and not freely accepting this news, he would be
speechless and unable to speak until this son John was born. Does this not occur
when a loved one dies? We are shocked into silence which blocks us from getting
all of our feelings out on the table. We are so busy with the realities of the
funeral arrangements and burial that we do not get a chance to really express
our upset, anger, outrage, over the unfairness, unreasonableness, and illogic of
the death of our loved one! Our negative reactions get silenced when we must put
on that “public face” for others at the wake, funeral, and burial events. We
like Zechariah are silenced to keep us from openly expressing those negative
feelings which we want to express but are embarrassed into suppressing due to
the circumstances in which we are meeting and greeting people at these
“quasi-social” funereal experiences.
Meanwhile the
people were waiting for Zechariah and were amazed that he stayed so long in the
sanctuary. But when he came out, he was unable to speak to them, and they
realized that he had seen a vision in the sanctuary. He was gesturing to them
but remained mute. Then, when his days of ministry were completed, he went home.
So the people
realized by his muteness that Zechariah had experienced a “God Thing” in the
Temple Sanctuary and they could see that he was deeply moved by what had
happened. So too people when they meet us at the wake, funeral and burial events
see that we have been touched deeply by what has transpired and they too
recognize that we have been muted and unable to speak freely as to what is
actually happening to us.
After this time
his wife Elizabeth conceived, and she went into seclusion for five months,
saying, "So has the Lord done for me at a time when he has seen fit to take away
my disgrace before others."
Elizabeth conceived
her son after Zechariah got home from his visit with the Angel. Elizabeth
believed that this “bad news” was good for her since she had lived with disgrace
over her barrenness. She could rationalize that although she was in advance
years way beyond normal childbearing years that it was OK for her to conceive a
child and bring this child to birth since maybe this was the answer to her
prayers for being able to bear a child. Is this not what happens to many of us.
We pray for our loved ones to survive, live on, and heal. Yet our loved one dies
and we are left to rationalize how does this death fit into God’s plan? Many do
what Elizabeth did and look for a bright horizon beyond this apparent bad news
so as to give meaning and purpose to her life. We must find our own meaning and
purpose in the face of our bad news and hopefully it is by the honoring the
legacy of our loved one that we are able to make good out of such badness!
Possible responses to the
questions raised by this lesson:
Elizabeth and Zacharias were
way beyond child bearing years and Elizabeth was "barren." Now God chose them to
bear a son named John who was to be the cousin of Jesus. What can we learn from
this mystery? What appears to be real bad
news on the surface can have a meaningful end to it if we give it time to come
to fruition. We can yell and rant at God for taking our loved one in an untimely
and unfair death, but eventually we hopefully will come to a level of acceptance
of this loss and come to grips with the reality that our loved one went on from
this life and there is a finality about it and there is nothing we can do to
bring them back or to rewrite history that such a tragedy had never occurred. We
can be skeptical like Zechariah was in the face of his “bad news” or you could
turn this bad news into good news through rationalization like Elizabeth did.
However the truth is that our loss is a loss and nothing can lighter the
intensity of this reality and buffer us from the pain which comes from such a
loss.
Why does God
choose simple people like this couple to bear witness to His Power on Earth? Why
does he put them through such complicated procedures to affect His will on
earth?
It appears
that God allows bad things to happen to good people who have never done anything
for which they should be punished. It appears that death of a loved one is the
reality which many people go through with little or no rhyme nor reason for this
tortuous fact of life. It does not seem to matter if people obey God’s rules,
follow His commands, participate in His church, and do His deeds, “bad things”
happen to them and there is no way to avoid such pain, loss and tragedy in our
current human state. God chose Zachariah and Elizabeth as models of grace in the
face of God’s “tough calls.” He chose them to show us that skepticism about the
rightness of death of our loved one as a response to our prayers is
understandable and quite frankly not unexpected in God’s eyes. He also knows
that people will rationalize the bad news, but the truth is bad news is bad news
and no matter how much people try to make it appear “good” it still is not fair
and not exactly as the people involved would want their lives to turn out.
Lesson 4: Mary visits
Elizabeth: A
“Magnificent” lesson in handing over control to God in life of those things out
of our control!
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Mary visits Elizabeth:
Luke 1: 39-58
During those days Mary set out and traveled to the hill
country in haste to a town of Judah, where she entered the house of Zechariah
and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the infant leaped
in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the holy Spirit, cried out in a loud
voice and said, "Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of
your womb. And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord should
come to me? For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the
infant in my womb leaped for joy.
Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by
the Lord would be fulfilled."
And Mary said: "My soul proclaims the greatness of the
Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior. For he has looked upon his handmaid's
lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed. The Mighty One has
done great things for me, and holy is his name. His mercy is from age to age to
those who fear him. He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of
mind and heart. He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones but lifted up
the lowly. The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away
empty. He has helped Israel his servant, remembering his mercy, according to his
promise to our fathers, to Abraham and to his descendants forever."
Mary remained with her about three months and then returned
to her home. When the time arrived for Elizabeth to have her child she gave
birth to a son. Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown his
great mercy toward her, and they rejoiced with her
Questions to Ponder:
-
Elizabeth was barren, and
unable to have children. All of a sudden in her later life she finds that
she and Zacharias are going to have a child! What a shock! More importantly
she has a visit from her cousin Mary who is also pregnant and Elizabeth
feels her infant excited in her womb. What must have been going through
Elizabeth's mind when she finds herself pregnant, her husband struck dumb,
and her cousin visiting and exciting her unborn child?
-
How could Elizabeth maintain
her sanity in the midst of what must have been extremely confusing times?
-
Yet Elizabeth says a welcome
to Mary which results in Mary giving the world a wonderful hymn of praise
now known as the Magnificat. What message in the Magnificat can
people learn who have lost their loved ones?
-
Then Elizabeth goes on and
follows God given directives in handling her pregnancy and ultimate birth of
this child. What can we learn from Elizabeth as we come to grips with the
strange, unwelcome, unwanted turn of events in our life? What does her
reaction to the changes in her life give us to help our own reactions to the
changes in ours?
Now consider the reading of
Mary visits Elizabeth:
Luke 1: 39-58 sentence by sentence
During those days Mary set out and traveled to the hill
country in haste to a town of Judah, where she entered the house of Zechariah
and greeted Elizabeth.
When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the infant leaped in
her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the holy Spirit, cried out in a loud voice
and said, "Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your
womb.
And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord
should come to me? For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears,
the infant in my womb leaped for joy.
Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by
the Lord would be fulfilled."
And Mary said: "My soul proclaims the greatness of the
Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior. For he has looked upon his handmaid's
lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed.
The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is
his name.
His mercy is from age to age to those who fear him.
He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of
mind and heart.
He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones but lifted
up the lowly.
The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has
sent away empty.
He has helped Israel his servant, remembering his mercy,
according to his promise to our fathers, to Abraham and to his descendants
forever."
Mary remained with her about three months and then returned
to her home.
When the time arrived for Elizabeth to have her child she
gave birth to a son. Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown
his great mercy toward her, and they rejoiced with her.
Possible responses to the
questions raised by this lesson:
Lesson 5: Naming
of John the Baptist:
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Naming of
John the Baptist:
Luke 1: 59-80
When they came on the eighth day to circumcise the child,
they were going to call him Zechariah after his father, but his mother said in
reply, "No. He will be called John." But they answered her, "There is no one
among your relatives who has this name." So they made signs, asking his father
what he wished him to be called. He asked for a tablet and wrote, "John is his
name," and all were amazed. Immediately his mouth was opened, his tongue freed,
and he spoke blessing God. Then fear came upon all their neighbors, and all
these matters were discussed throughout the hill country of Judea. All who heard
these things took them to heart, saying, "What, then, will this child be?" For
surely the hand of the Lord was with him. Then Zechariah his father, filled with
the holy Spirit, prophesied, saying: "Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel,
for he has visited and brought redemption to his people. He has raised up a horn
for our salvation within the house of David his servant, even as he promised
through the mouth of his holy prophets from of old: salvation from our enemies
and from the hand of all who hate us, to show mercy to our fathers and to be
mindful of his holy covenant and of the oath he swore to Abraham our father, and
to grant us that, rescued from the hand of enemies, without fear we might
worship him in holiness and righteousness before him all our days. And you,
child, will be called prophet of the Most High, for you will go before the Lord
to prepare his ways, to give his people knowledge of salvation through the
forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God by which the
daybreak from on high will visit us to shine on those who sit in darkness and
death's shadow, to guide our feet into the path of peace." The child grew and
became strong in spirit, and he was in the desert until the day of his
manifestation to Israel.
Questions to ponder:
-
Once John is born to
Elizabeth and he is brought to the temple for his naming, Elizabeth wants
the baby called John which was against Jewish tradition because boys were
usually named after their paternal grandfathers. Well the temple officials
were shocked and then Zacharias found his tongue and said yes, his name was
to be John. Zacharias got his ability to speak back after complying with
God's directives for his son. What is to be learned from this reality in
Zacharias' life?
-
How are our faculties
restored after complying with God's will in our own lives which have been so
tragically burdened by the loss of our loved one?
-
Are our faculties ever
restored? Will they ever be?
-
What do we learn here to give
us hope about the restoration of our faculties?
-
In what ways are people who have lost a loved one like
Elizabeth and Zacharias? What about their handling of their life situations
give us some direction as to how to handle our own undesirable life
situations? Were Elizabeth and Zacharias crazy or just plain unlucky or were
they really blessed to become the aunt and uncle of Jesus?
Now consider the reading of
the Naming of John the Baptist:
Luke 1: 59-80 sentence by sentence:
When they came on the eighth day to circumcise the child,
they were going to call him Zechariah after his father, but his mother said in
reply, "No. He will be called John."
But they answered her, "There is no one among your
relatives who has this name."
So they made signs, asking his father what he wished him to
be called. He asked for a tablet and wrote, "John is his name," and all were
amazed.
Immediately his mouth was opened, his tongue freed, and he
spoke blessing God.
Then fear came upon all their neighbors, and all these
matters were discussed throughout the hill country of Judea. All who heard these
things took them to heart, saying, "What, then, will this child be?" For surely
the hand of the Lord was with him.
Then Zechariah his father, filled with the holy Spirit,
prophesied, saying: "Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, for he has visited
and brought redemption to his people. He has raised up a horn for our salvation
within the house of David his servant, even as he promised through the mouth of
his holy prophets from of old: salvation from our enemies and from the hand of
all who hate us, to show mercy to our fathers and to be mindful of his holy
covenant and of the oath he swore to Abraham our father, and to grant us that,
rescued from the hand of enemies, without fear we might worship him in holiness
and righteousness before him all our days.
And you, child, will be called prophet of the Most High,
for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways, to give his people
knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins, because of the
tender mercy of our God by which the daybreak from on high will visit us to
shine on those who sit in darkness and death's shadow, to guide our feet into
the path of peace."
The child grew and became strong in spirit, and he was in
the desert until the day of his manifestation to Israel.
Possible responses to the
questions raised by this lesson:
Lesson 6: Flight to Egypt:
Joseph saves Mary,
Jesus, and himself against great odds
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Flight to Egypt: Matthew
2:13-23
When they had departed, behold, the angel of the Lord
appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, "Rise, take the child and his mother,
flee to Egypt, and stay there until I tell you. Herod is going to search for the
child to destroy him." Joseph rose and took the child and his mother by night
and departed for Egypt. He stayed there until the death of Herod, that what the
Lord had said through the prophet might be fulfilled, "Out of Egypt I called my
son." When Herod realized that he had been deceived by the magi, he became
furious. He ordered the massacre of all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity
two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had ascertained from the
magi. Then was fulfilled what had been said through Jeremiah the prophet: "A
voice was heard in Ramah, sobbing and loud lamentation; Rachel weeping for her
children, and she would not be consoled, since they were no more." When Herod
had died, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt
and said, "Rise, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for
those who sought the child's life are dead." He rose, took the child and his
mother, and went to the land of Israel. But when he heard that Archelaus was
ruling over Judea in place of his father Herod, he was afraid to go back there.
And because he had been warned in a dream, he departed for the region of
Galilee. He went and dwelt in a town called Nazareth, so that what had been
spoken through the prophets might be fulfilled, "He shall be called a Nazorean."
Questions to Ponder:
- If giving birth to the Son of God was a real blessing
for this couple, why should they have run for their lives into Egypt so that
they and the child would not be killed by a jealous King?
- What do people who have lost a loved one to death
have to learn from this?
- What can people grieving the loss of a loved one
learn from this choice of Mary and Joseph by God?
Now consider the reading of
the Flight to Egypt: Matthew
2:13-23 sentence by sentence
When they had departed, behold, the angel of the Lord
appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, "Rise, take the child and his mother,
flee to Egypt, and stay there until I tell you. Herod is going to search for the
child to destroy him."
Joseph rose and took the child and his mother by night and
departed for Egypt.
He stayed there until the death of Herod, that what the
Lord had said through the prophet might be fulfilled, "Out of Egypt I called my
son."
When Herod realized that he had been deceived by the magi,
he became furious. He ordered the massacre of all the boys in Bethlehem and its
vicinity two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had ascertained
from the magi.
Then was fulfilled what had been said through Jeremiah the
prophet: "A voice was heard in Ramah, sobbing and loud lamentation; Rachel
weeping for her children, and she would not be consoled, since they were no
more."
When Herod had died, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared
in a dream to Joseph in Egypt and said, "Rise, take the child and his mother and
go to the land of Israel, for those who sought the child's life are dead."
He rose, took the child and his mother, and went to the
land of Israel. But when he heard that Archelaus was ruling over Judea in place
of his father Herod, he was afraid to go back there. And because he had been
warned in a dream, he departed for the region of Galilee. He went and dwelt in a
town called Nazareth, so that what had been spoken through the prophets might be
fulfilled, "He shall be called a Nazorean."
Possible responses to the
questions raised by this lesson:
Lesson 7: Presentation of Jesus
at the Temple:
Mary learns that her fears about becoming the Mother to the Son of God are well
founded
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Presentation of Jesus at the
Temple:
Luke 2: 25-35
Note:
40 days after Jesus as born, Mary and Joseph brought
him to Jerusalem to present Jesus in the Temple and for Mary and Joseph to go
through a purification right as mandated by Jewish law at the time. When there
Luke describes their meeting up with and what Simeon had to say to Mary which
seems to support Mary’s fears about becoming the mother to Jesus the Son of God.
Now there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon.
This man was righteous and devout, awaiting the consolation of Israel, and the
Holy Spirit was upon him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he
should not see death before he had seen the Messiah of the Lord. He came in the
Spirit into the temple; and when the parents brought in the child Jesus to
perform the custom of the law in regard to him, he took him into his arms and
blessed God, saying: "Now, Master, you may let your servant go in peace,
according to your word, for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you prepared
in sight of all the peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and glory
for your people Israel." The child's father and mother were amazed at what was
said about him; and Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, "Behold,
this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign
that will be contradicted (and you yourself a sword will pierce) so that the
thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.
Questions to ponder:
- Why should the word of Simeon have such a major
impact on Mary?
- What did Mary need to do once she heard what Simeon
had to say to her?
- What can people who have lost a loved one learn from
this chance encounter of Simeon with Mary?
- Who are the Simeons in your life?
Now consider the reading of
the Presentation of Jesus at the Temple:
Luke 2: 25-35 sentence by sentence:
Note:
40 days after Jesus as born, Mary and Joseph brought
him to Jerusalem to present Jesus in the Temple and for Mary and Joseph to go
through a purification right as mandated by Jewish law at the time. When there
Luke describes their meeting up with and what Simeon had to say to Mary which
seems to support Mary’s fears about becoming the mother to Jesus the Son of God.
Now there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon.
This man was righteous and devout, awaiting the consolation of Israel, and the
Holy Spirit was upon him. Simeon was a wise man who spent much time waiting
for the Messiah or Chosen One to come on earth. He represents for people who
have lost loved ones those helpers and support people who are out there trying
to support grieving people to cope with their loss. These “Simeon’s”
unfortunately do not bring welcomed messages to grieving people. In fact these
wise people like Simeon have been waiting and waiting for people with whom they
can share their wisdom concerning grief.
It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he
should not see death before he had seen the Messiah of the Lord. Simeon was
filled with a mission of hope that one day he would see the Messiah. The
“Simeons” of the grief and loss world are also filled with the mission of hope
that they too will one day see people who are suffering severe grief and loss
over the death of their loved ones coming to grips with and learning to cope
with such loss. These “Simeons” are on a mission just like the Simeon whom Mary
met. People who are suffering from the loss of a loved one need to listen to and
pay attention to what these “Simeons” have to say.
He came in the Spirit into the temple Simeon was
called to the Temple to see Jesus and his parents. The helping types of
“Simeons” feel equally called by the Spirit to work with and to assist people
who are coping with the death of their loved ones. Just like Simeon these
helpers are compelled and feel moved to assist, support, and educate those who
are suffering from their loved one’s death with messages of hope, love, and
comfort.
and when the parents brought in the child Jesus to
perform the custom of the law in regard to him, he took him into his arms and
blessed God, saying: "Now, Master, you may let your servant go in peace,
according to your word, for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you prepared
in sight of all the peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and glory
for your people Israel." Simeon felt compelled to give witness to God, the
people in the Temple and Jesus’ parents the truth of what he saw and was
experiencing. The “Simeons” of the grief and loss world are “wise people” who
give witness to the realities of dealing and coping with the death of a loved
one. They tell those in grief that there is a way to survive these losses and
there is a way that they will be able to eventually come out the other side with
an ability to accept and surrender to the reality which their loved ones’ death
has brought into their lives.
The child's father and mother were amazed at what was
said about him; Simeon revealed to Jesus’ parents Mary and Joseph that
Simeon recognized the reality about who Jesus was. Mary and Joseph were amazed
that Simeon could see so clearly the truth about the situation with their son.
So too the modern life “Simeons” reveal to those who are suffering from the
death of a loved ones the realities about how to handle death of a loved one and
the grief and loss issues which are to follow. People who are grieving are often
amazed as to how knowledgeable these “Simeons” are about the reality of the
grief and loss issues which they are dealing with.
and Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother,
"Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to
be a sign that will be contradicted (and you yourself a sword will pierce) so
that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed. So there it was, Mary’s
biggest fear from the time of her Annunciation and conception of Jesus, Simeon
reveals the truth that Mary is to suffer pain and hurt due to her becoming the
mother of Jesus the Son of God. Simeon delivers this “bad news” and Mary seems
to take it on as she did the Annunciation, with grace and faith that she will
survive this pain. Modern day “Simeons” share with people who are suffering the
loss of loved ones that their pain will not go away quickly and that indeed they
will have to suffer through the pain and not avoid it if they ever expect to
cope with the pain of the loss of their loved one. Simeon did not promise Mary a
“rose garden” and people who are suffering from the death of a loved one cannot
expect the modern day “Simeons” to promise an easy way to go as well. Coping
with grief and loss takes time, lots of work, lots of effort and lots of pain,
but over time healing will come as acceptance and surrender to the reality of
the loss takes place.
Possible responses to the
questions raised by this lesson:
Why should the word of Simeon have such a major impact
on Mary? What did Mary need to do once she heard what Simeon had to say to her?
What can people who have lost a loved one learn from this chance encounter of
Simeon with Mary? Who are the Simeons in your life?
Simeon was a searcher for the “truth” and he declares the
truth about Mary’s son Jesus and at the same times is a “bearer of bad news” for
Mary. He let Mary know that she would suffer pain due the minister which Jesus
as the Son of God would have on earth. Simeon was a wise man to be listened to
and Mary did just that. He had credibility because his credentials demonstrated
that he was clearly informed and experienced in the things he was talking to her
about. Mary needed to steel herself for the eventual pain which she would be
facing as the mother of Jesus and she needed to learn about how to cope with
such pain which would be inevitable in her life. People who have lost loved ones
also have Simeons in their lives. These “Simeons” are the counselors, religious
representatives, support group leaders and members, and others who are
experienced in dealing with and coping with the grief and loss issues over the
death of a loved one. These “Simeons” are often “bearers of bad news” when they
inform people who have lost loved ones that the grief and loss pain will last
for a long time and that the only way to deal with such pain is to work through
the pain and not avoid or run away from it. These “Simeons” are the guiding
lights to bring you out of the darkness of your grief and pain into the light of
coping, accepting, and surrendering this reality in your life. Listen to these
“Simeons” as Mary listed to her Simeon and keep their messages close to your
heart as you find your way through this journey into the darkness of grief,
loss, and pain.
Lesson 8:Loss
of Son in Temple: Learning to accept our loved
ones are about their Father’s business
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Loss of Son in
Temple:
Luke 2:39-52
When they had fulfilled all the prescriptions of the law of the Lord, they
returned to Galilee, to their own town of Nazareth. The child grew and became
strong, filled with wisdom; and the favor of God was upon him. Each year his
parents went to Jerusalem for the feast of Passover, and when he was twelve
years old, they went up according to festival custom. After they had completed
its days, as they were returning, the boy Jesus remained behind in Jerusalem,
but his parents did not know it.
Thinking that he was in the caravan, they journeyed for a
day and looked for him among their relatives and acquaintances, but not finding
him, they returned to Jerusalem to look for him. After three days they found him
in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and
asking them questions, and all who heard him were astounded at his understanding
and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother
said to him, "Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been
looking for you with great anxiety." And he said to them, "Why were you looking
for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?" But they did not
understand what he said to them. He went down with them and came to Nazareth,
and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart. And
Jesus advanced (in) wisdom and age and favor before God and man.
Questions to ponder before the next meeting of your core group:
- So when he was a “tween” Jesus disappeared in the Temple and them comes
back with this great quote: “Why is it that you were looking for me? Did you
not know that I had to be in My Father’s house?” So what do people who have
lost a loved one get to learn from this twist of fate?
- Joseph was the stepfather and raised Jesus to manhood and taught him a
trade and yet he is the forgotten chosen parent in this process. How is this
a similar fate to a person when when a loved one dies and the person no
longer can present the dead loved one to the world?
Now consider the reading of the Loss of Son in Temple:
Luke 2:39-52 sentence by sentence:
When they had fulfilled all the prescriptions of the law of the Lord, they
returned to Galilee, to their own town of Nazareth. The child grew and became
strong, filled with wisdom; and the favor of God was upon him. Each year his
parents went to Jerusalem for the feast of Passover, and when he was twelve
years old, they went up according to festival custom. After they had completed
its days, as they were returning, the boy Jesus remained behind in Jerusalem,
but his parents did not know it.
Thinking that he was in the caravan, they journeyed for a
day and looked for him among their relatives and acquaintances, but not finding
him, they returned to Jerusalem to look for him. After three days they found him
in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and
asking them questions, and all who heard him were astounded at his understanding
and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother
said to him, "Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been
looking for you with great anxiety." And he said to them, "Why were you looking
for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?" But they did not
understand what he said to them. He went down with them and came to Nazareth,
and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart. And
Jesus advanced (in) wisdom and age and favor before God and man.
Possible responses to the
questions raised by this lesson:
Lesson 9: Wedding at Cana
Mary ignored the dismissive message to
demonstrate God's love for her no matter what has happened to her
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm
Wedding at
Cana:
John 2:1-11
On the third day there was a wedding in Cana in Galilee, and the
mother of Jesus was there. Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the
wedding. When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him, "They have no
wine." And Jesus said to her, "Woman, how does your concern affect me? My hour
has not yet come." His mother said to the servers, "Do whatever he tells you."
Now there were six stone water jars there for Jewish ceremonial washings, each
holding twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus told them, "Fill the jars with water."
So they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, "Draw some out now and take
it to the headwaiter." So they took it.
And when the headwaiter tasted the water that had become wine, without knowing
where it came from (although the servers who had drawn the water knew), the
headwaiter called the bridegroom and said to him, "Everyone serves good wine
first, and then when people have drunk freely, an inferior one; but you have
kept the good wine until now."
Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs in Cana in Galilee and
so revealed his glory, and his disciples began to believe in him.
Questions to ponder before the
next meeting:
- At the Marriage Feast in Cana, Mary asks her son a
small favor to help the couple out who ran out of wine. Jesus’ response to
her request: “Woman what does that have to do with us?
- My hour has not yet come.” Mary ignored his statement
and said: “Whatever He says to you, do it.” Well what does Mary’s act tell
us about how we need to deal with God’s snub of us in the loss of a child?
- How does Mary’s role model at the Wedding give us
some hope in our loss and grief?
Consider the reading of the
Wedding at Cana
John 2:1-11 sentence by sentence:
On the third day there was a wedding in Cana in Galilee, and the
mother of Jesus was there. Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the
wedding. When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him, "They have no
wine."
And Jesus said to her, "Woman, how does your concern affect me? My
hour has not yet come."
His mother said to the servers, "Do whatever he tells you."
Now there were six stone water jars there for Jewish ceremonial
washings, each holding twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus told them, "Fill the jars
with water." So they filled them to the brim.
Then he told them, "Draw some out now and take it to the
headwaiter." So they took it. And when
the headwaiter tasted the water that had become wine, without knowing where it
came from (although the servers who had drawn the water knew), the headwaiter
called the bridegroom and said to him, "Everyone serves good wine first, and
then when people have drunk freely, an inferior one; but you have kept the good
wine until now."
Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs in Cana in Galilee and
so revealed his glory, and his disciples began to believe in him.
Possible responses to the
questions raised by this lesson:
Wedding at Cana: At the
Marriage Feast in Cana, Mary asks her son a small favor to help the couple out
who ran out of wine. Jesus’ response to her request: “Woman what does that have
to do with us? My hour has not yet come.” Mary ignored his statement and said:
“Whatever He says to you, do it.” Well what does Mary’s act tell us about how we
need to deal with God’s snub of us in the loss of a child? How does Mary’s role
model at the Wedding give us some hope in our loss and grief?
It appears that Mary after
accepting the Annunciation that she would become the mother of Jesus, went on
accepting that she must just accept what was dealt to her by God with grace,
patience, and fortitude. Her faith was great enough to with stand any of the
hurts and pain she suffered during her life with her son. She accepted her son’s
snub at the Marriage Feast and being a true believe she said what we all need to
say in the face of what appears to be a snub from God. “Oh well, this hurts to
be snubbed by God, but I place my trust and faith in God and believe that God
will see me through this horrible circumstance no matter how horrible this
situation currently feels to me and no matter how much pain an hurt I am
currently experiencing.” Mary’s faith in God’s plan in her life was a wonderful
role model for parents who have lost their children because just like Mary, no
matter how shocking and horrible the loss is there is always the reassurance
that there will be God’s grace and healing mercy available to them to get them
through. Just like the guests at the Wedding feast in Cana who got to drink the
fruits of God’s love, parents who suffer the horrible time and troubled
experience of the loss of their children will end up with a sense of peace and
well being due to the mercies which they will receive over their life of grief
and loss as they hand this pain over to God.
Lesson 10: Jesus’ cousin John the Baptist
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm
Readings:
Matt 11
Matt 17:11-12
Mark 6: 17-30
Luke 7:24-25
John 1
Questions to Ponder before the next meeting:
-
John the Baptist who was Christ’s cousin was in prison
and he sent his followers to ask Christ if he was the Messiah the Jews were
waiting for. John asked this because Christ was not coming as a fiery
revolutionary as predicted in the Old Testament. Jesus in response to this
question told John’s followers to tell John: “blessed is the one who takes
no offense at me.” What is Jesus telling us through John by these words?
-
Jesus then tells John and his followers these words:
"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Do we trust Jesus’ words when it comes to our burden of dealing with the
loss of our child?
-
Jesus also told John and his followers these words:
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart;
and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden
light." John eventually was beheaded (Mark
6) because of his service to Christ. How is this “an easy yoke and light
burden”? Do we feel we should be rewarded by Christ for our faith in him and
do we not feel cheated by him due to the death of our child?
-
On the other hand, John’s followers took up with Christ
after John’s death and they were less burdened by John’s death. How can this
message impact our current coping with our own grief and pain over the loss
of our child?
-
John had declared that Jesus was “A man is coming after
me who ranks ahead of me because he existed before me.”(
John 1) John went on to proclaim that Jesus was "…the Lamb of God." If
John was so in tune with whom Jesus was, and if he was able to lead other to
recognize the divinity of Jesus, then why was it that Jesus could not save
John from being beheaded? What can we learn from this reality in our dealing
with the loss of our child?
Lesson 11Public Ministry of Jesus
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Lesson 12
Lazarus and his sisters Mary and
Martha
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Lesson 13 Crucifixion:
Reading:
(Note the Scripture Readings are linked to the chapters of the New American
Bible online at
http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/index.htm)
Crucifixion:
John 19:25-27
Questions to ponder:
- Finally Mary appears one
last time in the New Testament which is to see her son killed on the cross.
She hears him say to her: “Woman behold your Son!” Jesus went on to John
and said: “Behold your mother!” So this is what Mary gets for being beloved
by God? She like all people who lose their loved ones must accept the loss
and move on. She does not even get any kind of warm “fuzzy’s” from her Son
at this time! What is this teaching us about our grief at the loss of our
loved ones?
- What lessons are to be
learned?
- Who is the John in your
lives?
Now read the following reading of
John 19:25-27 sentence by sentence:
Possible responses to the
questions raised by this lesson:
Crucifixion:
Finally Mary appears one last time in the New Testament which is to see her son
killed on the cross. She hears him say to her: “Woman behold your Son!” Jesus
went on to John and said: “Behold your mother!” So this is what Mary gets for
being beloved by God? She like all people who lose their loved ones must accept
the loss and move on. She does not even get any kind of warm “fuzzy’s” from her
Son at this time! What is this teaching us about our grief at the loss of our
loved ones? What lessons are to be learned? Who is the John in your lives?
Mary is a model for people who lose their loved ones to
death of acceptance and grace under such terrible times. She stands there
watching her son die and she is told to seek the support of others in her life
to get her through. Jesus points out John to Mary and asks her to use John as
her support during her time of grief and loss. Mary is the role model of people
who seek out support from others to help them deal with their grief and loss.
Who is John in your life? Where do you get support to deal with your grief and
loss issues? Do you open up to others to share your grief and loss or do you
hold onto it and not offer it to others lest they might think less of you? Do
you believe that you must suffer silently and strongly because that is what your
loved one would want you to do? It appears that Mary had the full range of
emotions that any person goes through on the loss of a loved one and she is a
perfect example of the need for grieving people to seek out the support of
others. It does not appear that she would have been able to deal with this great
loss without the support of her family and friends and most importantly with her
God chosen support support partner-John.
Model for a Church Ministry or Support Group
It is
hoped that the lessons in this program will be utilized by a Church Ministry or
Support Group as subject matter for group discussion or teaching. These lesson
can also be utilized to present a Bereavement Retreat or workshop(s). It is
hoped that the lessons' flexibility will help ministry or group leaders to
select topics according to what the needs of their members are rather than just
using them in chronological order. Since the lessons are written to be
independent of one another they can be used in any order by the facilitator or
group leader.
Objectives for the Use of these Lessons in a Support
Group or Church Ministry
-
To provide an ongoing support
program for individuals who have experienced the death of a loved one.
-
To provide a biblically sound
formation for the individuals participating in the program which helps them
experience the victorious nature of the redemptive message of the Bible.
-
To provide each churched
sponsored group with a specific structured model of emotional, spiritual,
and moral support with a web-based guide, agenda, and support documents
-
To provide a web-based guide for
church or parish based facilitators for future ministry groups so that can
be better capable of providing sound direction for such groups or ministries
Organizational Procedures of the
Bereavement Ministry
1. To
establish ministry groups in churches, parishes, or community settings which
allow for free and open participation of individuals who have experienced the
death of a loved one be it a:
a. child
or grandchild
b. spouse
c.
parent
d.
sibling
2. That
the ministry groups meet for a minimum of one meeting a month, for a minimum of
one hour
3. That
each meeting have a format which would includes:
a. Biblical
Lesson on pertinent emotionally related topics such as:
i.
Anger Release
ii.
Forgiveness
iii. Letting
go, Acceptance and Surrender
iv. Spiritual,
Emotional, and Physical Healing
b. Touching
Base Session -how the past month has been for each person in
terms of any or all of the following:
i.
Personal functioning
ii. Marital
functioning
iii. Familial
Functioning
iv. Vocational
Functioning
v. | 
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