Surrender 2

Understanding the concept of Locus of control will assist people to free themselves of the need to control, fix, take care of, rescue other as well as free other people from manipulating, intimidating and conning people to take care of them. Locus of control means where you place the power to influence how you feel about yourself and others. It is important to determine if the locus of control is external or internal to figure out if you are susceptible to being controlled by others.

External locus of control is giving other people, places, and things the power to influence your feelings about yourself and places approval, recognition, acceptance, reinforcement, and affirmation of self-worth into the hands of other people, places, and things. Unless others approve, recognize, accept, reinforce, or affirm your worth, then you feel worthless, non-approved, unrecognized, not accepted, and non-reinforced. This makes you susceptible to being controlled by others' thinking, emotions, and actions.

Internal locus of control is giving yourself the power to influence your feelings about yourself and places self-approval, self-recognition, self-acceptance, self-reinforcement, and self-affirmation of worth into your own hands. In this way it is only up to you and your own efforts at self-love and care to feel worthwhile, valuable, competent, skillful, creative, knowledgeable, and capable of living your life for yourself and not controlled by others. You are then fully responsible for your own thinking, emotions, and actions in life.

Locus of control is a “power” issue. If you give others power over you, you overemphasize external locus of control in your life. On the other hand, if you empower yourself, you emphasize internal locus of control in your life. In order to handle the control issues in your life, it is better to emphasize internal locus of control so that you are able to let go of the need to control and change others and concentrate on controlling and changing yourself.

_____You need to determine where you currently place the locus of control in your life. To do this, consider these statements and check the ones which are usually true for you.

_____You are able to maintain control of your belief in yourself as a good and worthwhile person despite what others tell you about yourself.

_____You accept and love yourself unconditionally at all times even in the midst of troubles, problems, failure, and pressure.

_____You give no one but you the power to influence how you think, feel and act.

_____You do not need other people's approval, recognition, and acceptance in order to believe in yourself as a good and worthy person.

_____Your self-esteem is strong enough that you rarely are emotionally affected by what people say to or about you.

_____You are not affected emotionally about the response others give you when you assertively let them know how you feel even if the feelings are angry or negative in nature.

_____You are able to openly assert your anger and negativity in a constructive way with others.

_____You are not intimidated to say how you feel by the loss of approval or loss of acceptance from someone who might not like what you have to say.

_____You do not feel dependent financially, emotionally, or physically on any person other than yourself and thus feel free to speak freely and let others know what you think, feel or do.

_____You are able to openly admit when you have made an error or mistake or when you have experienced a failure in life.

If you were only able to check 7 or fewer of these items, your locus of control is more external than internal. If you have a healthy internal locus of control, you would have checked all but one or two of the items. If your locus of control is external, then you need to work at strengthening your belief in yourself by self-affirmations and self-esteem enhancement work. Begin to tell yourself:

The following are some myths and realities about control which are related to the internal and external locus of control. There are may Christian who are not enjoying the victorious life in Christ because they hold to the myths rather than accept the reality about locus of control as true in their lives. Many Christians are cheating themselves of a joyful life due to their inability to let go of the external uncontrollables and unchangeables in their lives. Unfortunately many fellow believers believe the same myths and are unable to assist and support one another to avoid the over-control trap which all humans are prone to fall into. How many of these myths do you currently believe?

Myth	Reality
1. The more I exercise control on others, the more control I'll have in life.	Because others are free to accept or reject your control, the resulting dynamic tension between the controlled and controller creates a circumstance in life which is more out of control than you first desired. The more you let go of control over others, the more control you will have over your internal locus of control. This detaching from others allows for peace and serenity in your life as Jesus in Luke 13:34 said: "For where your treasure is there your heart will also be."
2. I am not controlling people when I am helping them or trying to fix things for them	You are controlling them, however, when you are fixing or helping them and they are not taking personal responsibility and control of their own lives as a result of your assistance. As Jesus warned us in Luke 6:42: "How can you say to your brother, brother let me take the speck out of your eye when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?..."
3. If I manipulate others to do what I want them to do, this is not controlling them.	You are exercising control over them to do what you want because they are not of their own free will deciding to do what it is you want them to do. Jesus tells us in Luke 6:42 that: :You hypocrite first take the plank out of your eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.:
4. I am not controlling others if they are unintentionally intimidated by me and go along with what I want them to do.	If you are unintentionally placed in an external locus of control position by others, they have put you in a position of power over them. You are in control over them even though you are not aware of this at the time. Jesus in Luke 6:37 warns us to be alert to how we are relating to one another and to be sensitive to the other: "Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven." Following this sage advise will prevent you from unintentionally intimidating others.
5. I should be in control of everything that is important in my life.	Unfortunately you are powerless to control most people, places, and things in your life since you can only be fully in control of your internal locus of control and your own thoughts, emotions, and actions. To grow in internal locus of control you need to grow in the Lord, as John the Baptist said in John 3:30: "He must become greater, I must become less."
6. I should hold onto and help the people in my life whom I see are having problems taking care of themselves in acceptable, self-responsible and self-controlling ways.	The more you try to hold onto these people, the harder they will pull away or the weaker and more dependent on you they will become. It is better to become emotionally detached from their problems and let them solve them on their own so that they still can relate to you in a free and open way. You also need to turn to the Lord and ask the Lord to deal with these people. You need to keep in mind, Christ’s words in Luke 11:9 & 10: "...ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds and to him who knocks the door will be opened."
7. Other people will condemn me if I become detached from the people close to me.	It makes no difference what others think about you. What is important is helping the people in your life to become more self-responsible and self-controlling of their own lives. You cannot be looking over your shoulder to see what others are saying or thinking about your healthy detaching and not getting hooked into the problems facing the people close to you. Christ pointed out in Luke 9:62 that "...no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the service in the Kingdom of God."
8. I should never let go of those things I am trying to control and change because if I do I'd be considered a failure.	Your struggle to control and change things outside of your internal locus of control is going to wear you down and possibly break you. You will be healthier, happier, and more in control of your life if you let go of the uncontrollables and unchangeables in your life. Christ’s own words in Luke 18:29 gives us confidence that if we let go we will be rewarded: "...no one who has left home or wife, or brothers, or parents, or children for the sake of the Kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and in the age to come, eternal life."
9. If I love someone, I should always be there for them even if they become a little dependent on me for a while.	You're a person who could possibly love a person so much that you contribute to that person's inability to become self-responsible and in self-controlling of life. In reality your love may make the person over dependent on you. Love is learning to let go of the uncontrollable and unchangeable people in your life. Love is placing ourselves in Christ and allowing the Lord to deal with our loved ones. Christ reminds us in John 15:5 that as long as we put our trust in Him we will succeed: "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him he will bear much fruit, apart from me, he can do nothing."
10. When people are helpless, I should step in and take over to help them get on their feet.	People might appear to you to be helpless to help themselves, but they often have inner reserves of competence, skills, and ability to solve their own problems. If you take over their problems for them, this might disable them from being productive problem solvers and agents for their own change. By always taking over, you encourage their over dependence on you. If you were in need you would not want others to take over for you since you would not be given a chance to rise to the occasion. Keep in mind Christ’s teaching in Luke 6:31 in this regard: "Do to others as you would have them do to you."
11. When things are not going the way they should, I should take control of the situation to make it the way it's supposed to be.	You are being irrationally led by your dreams, fantasies, tradition, and promises of how life should be. In your idealism you can become so over controlling as to ensure the opposite desired reality will occur. The truth is that life does not always go the way it should. We need to hold on to the truth about life as Christ taught us in John 8:31 & 32: "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free."
12. I should take care of things because they will happen the way they are supposed to.	A caretaker works hard at being sure that everything is the way it is supposed to be for everyone. This over-controlling behavior succeeds in disabling people who are being cared for and then things are never the way they are supposed to be. You never get what you really want when you are over controlling. Great comfort is available to believers who lay their trust in the Lord. As Christ said in John 14:1: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me."

"Naos"-Holy of Holies-The Answer to Locus of Control Issues for Believers

Paul tells us Christians in 1 Corinthians 3:16 &17: "don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple (Greek word for temple: naos) is sacred and you are that temple." In 1 Corinthians 6:19 Paul tells us: "Do you not know that you body is a temple (Greek word for temple: naos) of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God. You are not your own; you were bought at a price, therefore honor God with your body." The Greek word, which Paul uses to describe our bodies as temples, is naos, which is the same term used in the Old Testament for the Holy of Holies or tabernacle in the temple. God would reveal Himself to his believers in the Old Covenant by his Shekinah Glory shining from the Holy of Holies in the temple. In the New Covenant God has chosen for His Glory to shine from our bodies who are believers in Jesus Christ and indwelt by the Holy Spirit of God. This has tremendous ramifications for us Christian who are struggling with the need to let go of control and to hand it over to God.

In the Old Testament the locus of control exercised by God was External because He only allowed Himself to be glorified in one place on this earth in the temple. Now as a result of Christ’s death and resurrection in the New Testament the locus of control exercised by God is internal because each believer is now indwelt by God’s glory and God’s glory is revealed by the individual lives of each believer. Because of this, Christian should have an easier time of letting go of control over people, places, things and conditions because all they have to do is to allow God, who dwells within them, to take over the control issues facing them. This enables the believer to no longer be controlled by External locus of control stimuli from the world since God is present within them and they can rely on their Internal locus of control to survive the irrational thinking and the lies of the Father of all Lies, which leads to Unhealthy exercise of control.

Consider the following comparisons of between the location of the temple and the location of control in a believer’s life:

Issue	Location of Temple	Locus of Control
Power outside of people	God’s Glory only in Temple	Control exercised by people, places, things and conditions outside of the person.
Power inside of people	God is inside of people through indwelling of Holy Spirit in the believers	With God inside the believers, they can rely on God and maintain locus of control internally.
Fear of negative consequences	If God was unhappy with his people He might abandon them by being present in the Temple	Fear of what might happen if keeps people giving power to their external factors and keeps their locus of control external
No fear of negative consequences	God indwelling believers is close and present making fear less of a concern since Faith is rewarded by sense of awe and serenity with God’s Glory so present and immediate.	By allowing the God within them deal with the control needs believers are freed from fear of negative consequences if no external control efforts are made to fix, take care of the Control prompting issue.
Distant relationship with God	Since God was only available in the Temple, He was not personal and He very distant from His believers .	If people are caught up with the external locus of control they are not relying on God to handle the controlling issues
Close and personal relationship with God	God by indwelling believers is personal and up close.	By relying on God within to take control, believers have a deeper, trusting and more surrendered relationship with God which is a living witness to their deep faith in God.
Restricted access to God’s power	God only accessible in His Holy of Holies by High Priest representing all of God’s People.	If external locus of control oriented, people feel powerless due to the power which everything out there has over them. It is impossible to experience God’s power in this circumstance.
Open, free and personal access to God’s power	God’s power through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit is readily accessible to believers at any time and in any place they happen to be.	The Internal locus of control oriented believers feel God’s power at all times and in all places. These believers focus efforts on controlling personal thoughts, emotions and actions and hand all the rest over to God who is within them and empowering them to trust and have faith in God’s sovereign will.
Clear boundaries between man and God are maintained	God is there in the Temple and man is Everywhere but there since only High Priest can enter that place and only one day a year at that.	Life seems so out of control when eternal locus of control is the emphasis in a people’s lives. It seems unreasonable that these people will ever feel at peace or secure since there does not seem to be any way to control and “fix” all that needs controlling in their world.
Less clear boundaries between man and God are maintained.	God’s indwelling in the believer blurs the distinct boundaries maintained in the Old Testament. God is now always available to any believer at any time and in any place.	Living in an Internal locus of control mode, believers rely on the God within to handle all the uncontrollables and unchangeables in life and there is such a constant flow towards Allotting go and Handing over of the people, places , things and conditions which cannot be controlled, they are Empowered by God and there is no discernible boundary with God in these believers lives.

Recognizing that God dwells within the believer, makes it clear that to be successful in letting go of the need to control the uncontrollables in life, the believer needs to reword the affirmations given earlier which are used to move from external to internal locus of control focus in life. The affirmations needed must give credence to the belief that the Kingdom of God is in the believer as Jesus pointed out in Luke 17:20: "... the Kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say Here it is or there it is because the Kingdom of God is within you." These revised affirmations based on the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and the Kingdom of God within the believer are:

Tools for Victorious Living

Handing Control Over by Surrendering to God's Control

Part 2: Locus of Control Issues