First: Incorporating the SEA's Tools into your daily life

You need to use and incorporate the SEA's tools of recovery in you way of living, so that when faced with problems and concerns, you can maintain the TEA System. Which would insure you first change the way you think about the challenge, secondly change how you feel about it so that you then thirdly can take healthy rational actions in response to those challenges which face you on a daily basis. You then need to incorporate the other tools of the SEA's program of recovery:

1. ALERT Work You need to address the stress, anxiety, tension, and panic in your life by using the ALERT System to help you to refocus and relax. It is useful to use stress reduction, anxiety release, relaxation training, and self-hypnosis tapes to help you to relax and stay alert.  

2. ANGER Work You need to release in a more active way the stuffed, repressed, or ignored anger you have inside of you. Getting these negative emotions out of your system will give you serenity and peace and lessen the depression you experience as you journey into recovery.  

3. CHILD Work  As you progress and become more responsible for your own recovery, you need to use the CHILD System to grow in spirituality so as to heal your inner child who feels alone, abandoned, and forgotten. CHILD work aids spiritual refocusing in recovery by increasing your awareness and drawing you closer to your Higher Power. CHILD work also helps you to open yourself to play, enjoyment, and fun by being free to experience all of what life has to offer.  

4. LET GO Work To ensure you have your need to control, fix, change, rescue, enable, give advice, and correct in check, you need to use the LET GO System to grow in inner peace and serenity. The more you let go of control of other persons, places, and things, the more you will find yourself growing in self-control.  

Second: Regular work in Tools For Coping Series materials online at www.coping.org 

These books or tools are to be used not as "reading'' books but rather as "working tools'' to stimulate your thoughts, emotions, and actions. They are most useful when you respond to the "steps to'' sections either by writing or recording the responses. The books' chapters are designed to stimulate you to "work'' on yourself at your own pace, on your own initiative, and for your own personal insight, emotional response, and behavioral change. It is important to share with your counselor and SEA's Buddies what you have learned about yourself as a result of working in the Tools For Coping Series materials. In order to utilize these books to their fullest, it is advisable to first review them fully by reading each of their Contents page and at least the first section of each chapter. This familiarization will help you to make quicker reference to a specific chapter when a RELAPSE event or a new issue arises in your life. The Tools for Coping are the launching pad, not an exhaustive sole source for your individual search, exploration, or knowledge in your recovery process.  

Third: Recovery Journal entries 

This journal can be done in three ways, either by writing in spiral bound notebooks, posting electronically in word documents or audio taping on tapes to be saved for future reference. The journal can be kept daily but at least three times a week. In the journal you record what is currently going on with your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors by using this outline:  

Recovery Journal Outline   1. Describe an incident, challenge or issue that has come up for you today or this week. It was... 2. Describe how you dealt with the incident, challenge, or issue and what SEA's tools [ALERT, ANGER, CHILD, LET GO] you used to deal with it... 3. Describe what you were thinking and feeling at the time of the incident, challenge, or issue...   4. Describe how you are thinking and feeling about the incident, challenge and issue now that it has been addressed... 5. Describe what you would have done differently to handle the incident, challenge, or issue in a "healthier'' way.   6. Describe what your plans are to improve your handling of the same or similar incidents, challenges, or issues in the future.

Another use of the journal is to record your response to the "Steps to'' sections in the Tools For Coping Series materials. You can also record your emotional response to the material in both the Tools For Coping Series and the other books you are reading. This journal keeping can be a self-healing experience, opening up emotions and feelings long repressed, suppressed, ignored, non-identified or unknown. You will also be able to identify your irrational, non-reality-based and unhealthy thinking. Your journal then will become an action planning tool in which you will chart new actions and behaviors based on your healthier thoughts and emotions.

Fourth: Individual and/ or couple counseling 

Many of you will need to engage a professional counselor to assist you to begin your life-long process of recovery. This initial counseling will assist you to get a "running start" on your personal healing. This is your opportunity to meet with your counselor to address the specific issues in your life which will help you to get on the wagon of recovery. The work in counseling is all yours. The counselor is there merely as a facilitator and/or coach to help identify for you the unhealthy, irrational, and non-reality-based thoughts, emotions, and actions which have caused you problems and keep you from progressing in recovery. Use the time with your counselor well. Do not limit your efforts at recovery only to this meeting with the counselor. Be sure you are doing the other SEA's Recovery Program activities and sharing with your counselor what you are learning through these SEA's related activities.

Fifth: Attendance at weekly peer support or 12 step group meeting 

This is your opportunity to monitor your progress in a group based on the twelve steps of recovery in the SEA's program. It takes four to six weeks to be comfortable at any peer support meeting. It is often difficult to enter a group which is already formed and not feel like an "outsider.'' Remember, everyone at these meetings is experiencing the same issues as you are so relax, listen, and watch. In time you will want to seek out some of these people as Buddies at SEA so ask for their telephone numbers and record them in a Directory. By weekly attendance at the meeting and reviewing your weekly progress, you are putting yourself on the line to become responsible and accountable for your own recovery efforts, growth, and rate of progress.  

The behavioral consequences of low self-esteem often are compulsive or addictive behaviors. If this is so, you may need to go to AA, NA, OA, or GA. Also, if you are a codependent or adult child of an alcoholic, CODA or ACOA might be needed. If you have experienced a loss, chronic illness or disability, you might need a self-help group focused on that issue. Support groups provide you "peers'' to listen to and understand your feelings on the specific issue. Use these groups to help you validate your SEA's recovery experiences.  

Sixth: Reading other related self-help materials 

In order to broaden your perspective and validate and support your efforts in the SEA's Recovery Program, you are encouraged to read books and articles on Self-Esteem, Co-Dependency, Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families or Alcoholics, Rational Emotive Therapy, Transactional Analysis, or any of the popular "Self-Help'' books and materials on the market or internet today. These readings will give you an alternative style from the Tools for Coping model to help stimulate change in your thoughts, emotions, and actions. As you read, be sure to record (in your recovery journal) your emotional response and insights gained.

 

Seventh: Maintain regular contact with Buddies at SEA's 

As a person recovering from low self-esteem, you are probably hesitant to reach out to others for support in dealing with your problems, concerns, and issues. To make the SEA's Recovery Program work for you, however, you need to reach out to your Buddies at SEA to listen to and support you in your struggles to gain self-control and serenity. Try to establish a Buddy relationship with at least two to four people in your support groups, 12 step group, or therapy groups. Call these buddies during the week for a mutual give and take of support. Call your Buddy "on it'' if advice giving or analysis is used instead of listening for feelings. A Buddy relationship needs to be a two-way street to explore all of the issues in the SEA's program. Buddies need to use one another as mirrors to monitor growth and change in thoughts, feelings, and actions. Buddies make excellent explorers of the wonders of living. You can play and have fun with your Buddies, as you jointly open yourselves to your "inner children.''  

Your family members, spouse, friends, colleagues at work and other community associates are a source of social support for you. These people can become Buddies at SEA for you as well as you journey through your recovery. You need to educate these people in the principles of giving and receiving the unconditional acceptance, love and support you need to be successful in the SEA's program. Use your support network to broaden your base of support to ensure your healthy growth in all other domains of your life.

Tip 1:     Use time when you are driving in a car, waiting for an ``on hold'' call, taking a bath or shower, exercising, or having a meal by yourself as time when you can reflect on tape or in the journal or do some of the recovery systems.  

Tip 2: Use exercise time as a release time for ANGER and LET GO issues.  

Tip 3: Use time with your family or children as time of CHILD and LET GO work.  

Tip 4: Add a half hour of "alone time'' to your daily schedule to ensure you have time for recovery work.  

Tip 5: Take lunches alone to do journal recording, reading, or recovery system work.  

Tip 6: Block times on weekends for "recovery'' work which might mean taking an extra hour or two from your weekend "beauty sleep.''  

Tip 7: Block times for recovery work in your daily calendar and commit to it as if it were your business or job.  

Tip 8: Ask the assistance of others in your life to help you stay on schedule to ensure your have a balance in your life of the following times: work time, couple time, family time, exercise time, alone time, fun time, spiritual growth time, recovery time, sleep and relaxation.  

Tip 9: Get to your peer support meeting one half hour early to spend time with a Buddy or have dinner (or lunch) with a Buddy the day of the meeting. Use lunch or breakfast to connect with Buddies during the week.  

Tip 10: Use a portable tape recorder as your journal keeping tool so as to be able to record your thoughts and feelings as you are driving, eating, exercising, walking, or idle at work.  

Recovery Self-Talk Affirmation Scripts 

In order to help plan your recovery program , you need positive self-talk affirmations for your efforts. Use the following self-talk affirmation scripts to help sustain your motivation to work on your recovery program. Put them on 3 by 5 cards in your office, home, car, computer, etc. Use them as reminders that you deserve to be a healthy person with rational thoughts, emotions and actions.

1. Recovery is a seven-day-a-week effort.

2. I am responsible for my own recovery.

3. I can do whatever it takes to get my recovery program on track.

4. I will love myself enough to work on my recovery.

5. I can only look to myself for the answers as to what is best for me.

6. I can gain insight into what I need by doing my journal responding and readings on a weekly basis.

7. I have time for me.

8. I deserve the time I put into my recovery.

9. I am a lovable, capable person who is in the process of recovering from the behavioral consequences of low self-esteem.

10. I can reach out for the support of my Buddies at SEA when I need it.

11. I will put the burden of my recovery on no one else but me.

12. I am an honest, open, and feeling person.

13. I will take the time I need to recover.

14. I will grow in patience as I see that recovery takes time.

15. I am an intelligent, competent, and creative person capable of self-recovery.

16. I can love myself enough to forgive me if I should experience relapse in my recovery process.

17. I deserve the time I am taking away from my workaholic and idle time which I am applying to my recovery.

18. There are no excuses for my lack of taking time for myself.

19. I am the person who is the sculptor of the "new me.''

20. I will make a schedule for my recovery program and live by it.

SEA's Meeting Format

 Meeting Script

 Good evening and welcome to Self-Esteem Seekers Anonymous - The SEA's Program. I am ____________ and I am recovering from low self-esteem. Would you please help me open this meeting with a moment of silence, followed by the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. AMEN

 I have asked __________________ (a group member) to read the SEA's Twelve Steps.

I would like to introduce (names of new members). Please stand to identify yourselves so that we may become better acquainted after the meeting.

 Are there any announcements you would like to share with the group?

The SEA's program is an anonymous program. We ask that you respect the anonymity and confidentiality of each person in this group. We ask that: What you see and hear stays here when you leave.

Tonight I've asked __________________ to be our volunteer to re-enact a life segment pertinent to our topic of the evening. (A psychodrama, role play, gestalt experience, anger workout, or problem-solving session is conducted.) (45-60 minutes)

We will now break into small groups, preferably three members per group. Please follow the group sharing outline; please do not interrupt someone else's sharing. Do not make comments about other people's statements. Do not give advice or try to fix anyone. Talk about yourself at the feelings level to gain the most out of this sharing process. (45-60 minutes)

We will close our meeting with a moment of silence and the Serenity Prayer. Please hand in the Weekly Progress Sheet before you leave tonight.

Weekly Progress Sheet

 Actively listen to the person sharing:

• Identify the feelings the person is experiencing and expressing.

• See if anything the person is saying can open up a closed door or unrealized insight for yourself.

• Do Not: Judge what the other person is saying.

• Do Not: Analyze the content of what is being said.

• Do Not: Ask questions about specific factual data or trivia which may get the person off target on feelings.

• Do Not: Give advice or suggestions to fix the other person.

• Listen for patterns in what the person is saying and, in the general discussion section of the group, share such patterns if identified.

• Keep the message of hope in the sharing by talking only about your personal recovery and how you are applying the SEA's principle in your daily life.

• Affirm each other for what has been shared. Keep the focus on the positive and highlight the strengths and competencies which are being developed.

Buddies at SEA

What is a Buddy?

In order to assist a person to continue working on personal growth and self-esteem enhancement, the SEA's program encourages the members to become buddies to one another on their own time. 

The roles of a Buddy are:

• To be an active support person to another SEA's member.

•  To listen to the person and reflect back an understanding of the feelings being expressed.

• To participate in social and recreational activities which are "fun'' and self-esteem enhancing.

• To limit discussions on problems to a minimum to ensure that the relationship is not just an analytical, problem-solving one but rather one which is spirit-lifting and esteem enhancing.

• To give feedback to the other when the person is relapsing into old, low self-esteem patterns.

• To give feedback when the person is engaging in self-pity or other self-defeating behaviors.

• To not discuss what goes on in any support or 12 step groups you participate in, with the other person.

• To never talk about a third person in a discussion with a buddy.

• To watch out for codependent behaviors developing in the relationship and to take steps to correct this.

• To not limit self to buddies when going to 12 step or other support groups so that a well-rounded attitude about life is developed by getting input from peers who are not necessarily my close "buddies".

• To not develop into self-limited small cliques of buddies  but rather to be open to be a buddy to whoever asks.

• To seek mediation from a sponsoring professional, counselor, or group leader if a conflict arises in a relationship with a buddy.

• To experiment with new, healthier, self-enhancing behaviors in the buddy relationship.

•  To give permission to a buddy to give honest and open feedback if needed.