The SEA's Program
SEA's 12 Step Guide
Step 8
Content:
Step 8: We made a list of
all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Our behaviors have harmed others
Step
8 requires that you identify all people you have harmed by your behaviors which
resulted from your low self-esteem. You are also expected to be willing to make
amends to them all. This step stops at the willingness to make amends and
requires no direct action.
This
step is very difficult for overresponsible people with low self-esteem since
they believe they have been the ones harmed by others. They need to recognize
that their behaviors of fixing, rescuing, and enabling others harmed those
others because it kept them dependent and thus less competent to take care of
themselves.
To
do this step you need to complete an exhaustive list of every person you
affected and harmed by your low self-esteem behaviors in your family of origin,
relatives in your extended family, your spouse, immediate family, ex-spouse(s)
or ex-lovers, friends, people at school, people on your job, people in the
community, and people in your network of support and yourself.
Develop
a list of people whom you have harmed. Beside each person's name, list what you
did to harm them.
Whom did you harm? What did you do?
-
Family
of origin
-
Relatives
-
Spouse
and immediate family
-
Ex-spouse(s)
or ex-lover(s) or ex-significant other relationship(s)
-
Friends
-
People
at school
-
People
at your different places of employment
-
People
in the community
-
People
in your network of support
-
Yourself
As
you proceed in Step 7, answer these questions.
1.
How do you feel about this list of people you
have harmed as a result of your low self-esteem behaviors?
2.
How willing are you to make amends to each of
these people?
3.
Recognizing that as you get healthier and
"let go'' of the need to "take care of'' and "fix'' others,
there is the possibility that others will be hurt by this. List those people
who will be hurt by your change into a healthier person.
What can you do to let go'' of guilt
for the hurt they will or do feel?
4.
You harmed people when we were "doing the
best that you could knowing what you did at the time.'' Recognizing this you
now know that your healthy behaviors will hurt people. How is this different
from directly harming people?
5.
If you choose not to work on changing your low
self-esteem-based behaviors, you run the risk of harming yourself and others
in the future. What do you need to ensure you stay on track in your recovery
process so as not to harm yourself or others?
6.
How do you feel about the fact that you harmed
others by your past behaviors? How has your guilt over this in the past
influenced how you related to others? Did you stay in any relationships longer
than healthy for you because of your guilt over the harm you had done to those
people in the past?
7.
How does Step 8 make you feel about your
recovery process? What effect on your mental health is it to list people who
were harmed by your `"sick,'' low self-esteem behaviors?
8.
How does this Step 8 process make you feel when
you would rather blame others for your problem? How does Step 8 help you
become more personally responsible for your own life?
9.
Which people on your list in Step 8 are the
uncontrollables and unchangeables which you need to "let go'' of in Step
7?
10.
How does this make you feel about your
past choices concerning people in your past life?
11.
How can your Higher Power assist you to be
successful in achieving completion of Step 8?
Now
that you have completed Step 8, reframe and restate this step in your own words
as to how it helps you realize your recovery from low self-esteem.
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