Coping.org: Tools for Coping with Life's Stressors

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Introduction
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Step 10
Step 11
Step 12

The SEA's Program 

SEA's 12 Step Guide

Step 4

Content:

• Step 4
• Inventory of strengths
• Inventory of achievements
• Inventory of weaknesses
• Inventory of failures
• Conclusion

Step 4

Step 4: We made a searching and fearless inventory of our strengths and achievements as well as of our weaknesses and failures.

Inventory of strengths

In your recovery you need to exhaustively search your personality characteristics, abilities, aptitudes, competencies, skills and knowledge, intellectual capabilities, emotional status, and behavioral habits, all positive "secret weapons'' in overcoming low self-esteem. To make a "searching'' inventory, you must face yourself in a mirror and objectively, honestly, and directly list those strengths which actually are true for you. To help you in your inventory, consult Tools for Personal Growth Self-Affirmation.

List as many of your strengths for each of the following categories.

• Positive personality characteristics

• Abilities or competencies

• Aptitudes or talents

• Skills or crafts

• Useful knowledge about

• Intellectual status in comparison to the norm

• Positive emotional characteristics

• Positive behavioral patterns and habits

Inventory of achievements

You may in the past have had false humility or minimized the extent to which you were successful in achieving goals, accomplishments, or recognition at school; in hobbies; in athletics; in club or group activities; in creative contests; on the job; in your family of origin; your current family; in significant relationships, and in your marriage.

To help you with this section, consult Tools for Personal Growth, Handling Fear of Success.

List as many of your personal achievements as you can under each of the following categories.

• Achievements in school

• Achievements in sports and athletics

• Achievements in hobbies (crafts, arts, music, collections, etc.)

• Achievements in clubs, groups, civic organizations, volunteer services or church activities

• Achievements in creative contests entered

• Achievements on the job

• Achievements in your family of origin

• Achievements in your current family

• Achievements in significant relationships

• Achievements in marriage

Once you have completed this exhaustive searching and fearless inventory, you have identified a number of potentially "hidden'' personal resources you can draw upon as you work to build up your self-confidence and self-belief through self-affirmations.

Inventory of weaknesses

As a part of the work on your personal recovery, you need to make an exhaustive personal inventory of the negative consequences of your low self-esteem. The purpose of this inventory is to identify those behaviors, feelings, attitudes, and irrational beliefs which need changing if you are ever to accomplish healing and growth in your self-esteem. The areas in which your inventory needs to be made are: personal behavioral patterns, personal adjustment issues, interpersonal relationship issues, unresolved anger issues, control issues, self-destructive behaviors, unresolved loss issues, and faulty communication issues.

1. Behavioral pattern

As a result of the dysfunctional experiences in your family of origin, codependent relationships and other low self-esteem-inducing issues, you have evolved into a compulsively driven behavioral pattern which is non-productive for you. To assist you do this section of the inventory, refer to Laying the Foundation. 

Give examples of your compulsive behavior in the following behavior patterns which are relevant for you.

• Looking good:

• Acting out:

• Pulling in:

• Entertaining:

• Troubled person:

• Enabling:

• Rescuing:

• People pleasing:

• Nonfeeling:

2. Personal adjustment issues

To assist you with this section of the inventory, consult Tools for Personal Growth. 

• Irrational beliefs: Give examples of the blocking beliefs which contribute to your weakness of character and to your personality faults and bad habits. See: Self-esteem, Irrational Beliefs and Self-affirmation:

• Self-defeating behaviors: Give examples for each of the following self-defeating behaviors in your life.

  • Guilt (Handling Guilt):

  • Mistrust (Building Trust):

  • Insecurity (Handling Insecurity):

  • Fear of being vulnerable (Becoming Vulnerable):

  • Fear of taking risks (On Becoming a Risk Taker):

  • Fear of failure (Handling Fear of Success):

  • Perfectionism (Overcoming Perfectionism):

  • Pride and belief that as a survivor you need to do it all on your own (Handling Pride):

  • Lack of patience (Developing Patience):

  • Inability to accept personal responsibility for your own actions (Accepting Personal Responsibility):

  • Inability to handle stress (Stress Reduction):

  • Inability to manage personal time (Time Management):

  • Suffering from burnout (Preventing Burnout):

  • Inability to have fun and play (Inner Child  and Having Fun):

  • Inability to overcome fears and phobias (Overcoming Fears):

3. Interpersonal relationship issues

To assist you with this section of the inventory, consult Tools for Relationships. Give examples of each of the following self-defeating behaviors which you have exhibited in relationships in your life.

• Inability to overcome barriers to relationships (Handling Relationship Barriers):

• Fear of conflict (Handling Conflict):

• Poor problem solving in relationships (Productive Problem Solving):

• Fear of rejection (Handling Fear of Rejection):

• Chronic need for approval (Handling the Need for Approval):

• Lack of assertiveness (Improving Assertive Behavior):

• Chronic playing the victim or martyr (Overcoming the Role of Victim or Martyr):

• Poor handling of power and control (Handling the Use of Power and Control):

• Overly competitive (Handling Competition):

• Lack of clear goals (Goal Setting in Relationships):

• Inability to maintain intimacy (Handling Intimacy):

• Overuse of fantasy (Handling a Fantasy Relationship):

• Inability to forgive and forget (Handling Forgiving and Forgetting):

• Inability to create a healing environment (Creating a Healing Environment):

• Inability to help others see their needs for help (Helping Another Person Recognize the Need for Help):

 4. Unresolved anger issues

To assist you with this section of the inventory, consult Tools for Anger Work-out. Give examples for each of the anger related issues which have created negative consequences in your life.

• Unresolved anger built up inside of you (Anger Work-Out):

• Inability to show anger (Blocks to Anger):

• Feelings of depression (Handling Depression):

• Displaying or feeling hostility, sarcasm, and cynicism (Handling Hostility, Sarcasm, and Cynicism):

• Overly pessimistic and negative (Pessimism and Negativity):

• Displaying or feeling hatred (Overcoming Hatred):

• Holding resentments (Handling Resentment):

• Chronically jumping to negative assumptions (Stop Jumping to Negative Assumptions):

• Silently withdrawing in anger (Silent Withdrawal):

• Seeking revenge (Eliminating Revenge):

• Expressing violence and rage (Eliminating Rage):

• Getting easily irritated (Handling Irritations):

• Being passive aggressive (Eliminating Passive Aggressiveness):

• Inability to give or receive confrontation (Handling Confrontation):

 5. Control issues

To assist you with this section of the inventory, consult Tools for Handling Control Issues. . Give examples of the behaviors you exhibit which indicate the following control related issues in your life.

• Excessive need to control other persons, places, things, and situations (Handling the Need to Control):

• Excessive use of intimidation (Eliminating Intimidation):

• Inability to keep ideals tempered in the face of the reality of life (Tempering Idealism):

• Compulsive need to fix or rescue others (Overcoming the Need to Fix):

• Compulsive need to be a caretaker of others (Eliminating Caretaker Behaviors):

• Inability to accept powerlessness (Accepting Powerlessness):

• Inability to let go of the uncontrollables and unchangeables in your life (Letting Go of the Uncontrollables and Unchangeables):

• Inability to detach from others (Developing Detachment):

• Inability to accept love of self or others in an unconditional way (Unconditional Acceptance and Love):

• Overdependency on others (Eliminating Overdependency):

• Excessive use of manipulation (Eliminating Manipulation):

• Overriding feelings of helplessness (Overcoming Helplessness):

• Suicidal thoughts and gestures (Dealing with Suicide):

• Allowing survival behaviors to isolate and alienate you from others (Tempering Survival Behaviors):

• Inability to maintain self-control (Developing Self-Control):

 6. Self-destructive behaviors

To assist you with this section of the inventory, read Tools for Anger Workout  Stop Self-Destructive Anger Responses and respond to the 100 item questionnaire. Below list those self-destructive behaviors in which you often or almost always engage.

7. Unresolved loss issues

To assist you with this section of the inventory, consult Tools for Handling Loss. The relevant chapters will be noted under each issue. Give examples of the behaviors you exhibit which indicate the following loss-related issues in your life:

• Inability to identify the losses you experienced in your life (The Loss Experience in Dysfunctional Families):

• Overuse of denial when facing problems (Dealing with Denial):

• Overuse of bargaining when facing problems (Handling Bargaining Behaviors):

•  Losing self in despair when facing problems (Handling Despair):

• Unwilling to accept change or poor adjustment to change in your life (Accepting Change):

• Inability to let go of lost people, things, and events (Letting Go):

• Fear of death (Death: the Last Act of Life):

8. Faulty Communications

To assist you with this section of the inventory, consult Tools for Communications. Give examples of where the following faulty communications issues have caused problems in your life.

• Inability to get in touch with your feelings and the feelings of others (A Model of Effective Communications):

• Ignoring the feelings of others (Improving Listening Skills):

• Telling others how to live their lives and jumping to assumptions (Improving Responding Communications Skills):

• Competition for control of thinking resulting in poor problem solving (A Communications Model of Problem Solving):

• Parallel listening, preparing what you want to say next, ignoring what the other is saying verbally and nonverbally (Nonverbal Communication Issues):

Inventory of failures

Conclusion

As you can see, Step 4 is an exhaustive self-assessment process of your positive and negative points. In conclusion, identify what patterns you have discovered about your behaviors as a result of performing this inventory. How will this process assist you on your road to recovery from low self-esteem?

Coping.org is a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D.,  Email: jjmess@tampabay.rr.com  ©1999-2007 James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance Messina, Ph.D.  Note: Original materials on this site may be reproduced for your personal, educational, or noncommercial use as long as you credit the authors and website.