The SEA's Program
SEA's 12 Step Guide
Step 1
Content:
Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless
over the behavioral consequences of our low self-esteem; that our lives had
become unmanageable.
Identify
what behaviors you have exhibited as a result of your low self-esteem. If none,
apply mark N/A. (Use Laying the Foundation
to get a complete description of each of these nine behavioral patterns.)
-
Looking
good:
-
Acting
out:
-
Pulling
in:
-
Entertaining:
-
Enabler:
-
Troubled
person:
-
People
pleaser:
-
Rescuer:
-
Nonfeeling
person:
Identify
the destructive or negative consequences which resulted from your low self-esteem
behavioral pattern. Click on each topic to get you to the Tools for Coping material
relate each negative consequence of low self-esteem:
Powerlessness
is a result of one or more of the following circumstances: preoccupation with
problem behaviors, numerous failed attempts to control the problem behaviors,
and loss of control over the problem behaviors.
1.
Preoccupation occurs when your thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams are
so seriously filled with the negative behavioral consequences of low self-esteem
that the mind is not clearly focused on reality.Give examples of when you have
been seriously preoccupied and ignored your responsibilities for self, spouse,
family, work, school, or community.
2.
Numerous failed attempts to control
the problem behaviors is a mark of powerlessness because no matter what you
tried in the past it never worked.Give examples of some of your past failed
attempts to control the problem behaviors.
3.
Loss of control over the problem
behaviors causes them to become obsessive, compulsive, and unpredictable.
-
Obsessive
thinking and uncontrolled ruminating about problem behaviors render
you powerless. Give examples of your obsessive thinking about your problem
behaviors.
-
Compulsively
driven and frenzied acting out your problem behaviors results in a
sense of powerlessness. Give examples of where your problem behaviors have
taken on the compulsively driven modality.
-
Unpredictable,
when you find yourself to be more the
observer than the doer of the action involved, your problem behaviors have
become unpredictable. You cannot clearly predict what your next action
will be. Give specific examples where you have found your behaviors
unpredictable.
Your
life is affected by the behavioral consequences of your low self-esteem to the
extent that there is a deterioration of the quality of your life. This
deterioration comes from problem behaviors out of control which result in your
life being unmanageable. You are not able to maintain goals, make plans,
manage your time, or maintain relationships. The spheres of your life which
become unmanageable are: inner feeling, emotional life, spiritual life, family
life, social life, work life, school life, and community life.
1.
Inner feelings and emotional lifeGive examples of how your feelings and
emotions deteriorated and became hard to manage.
2.
Spiritual life Give examples of the deterioration or lack of management of
your spiritual life.
3.
Family life How have your problem behaviors resulting from low self-esteem
affected your family life? For each member in your current family and family of
origin, give examples how they were affected by your behaviors.
-
Current
family:
-
Family
of origin:
4.
Social life How much "real'' fun do you have with other people? What is
the status of your social support network? How many close friends do you keep in
regular contact with? How isolated and disconnected have you become? Give
examples of the breakdown in your social life.
5.
Work life What is the status of your
work life? Have you ever been fired or quit? How are your relationships with
your co-workers and supervisors? Are you happy in your career? Give examples of
the effects of your low self-esteem at work.
6.
School life Have you gotten the
highest education you need to in order succeed in your chosen career? Did you
feel intellectually inferior in school? Are you an underachiever? Give examples
of how low self-esteem has affected your school history.
7.
Community life How involved in your
community are you? Do you reach out to your neighbors? Do you join civic groups
or volunteer in community projects? Give examples of how your low self-esteem
affects your participation in the community.
In
order for you to begin your recovery process, you need to admit to yourself
that you are powerless over the behavioral consequences of your low self-esteem
and accept that the road to recovery is a lifelong process. What prevents you
from admitting and accepting is an active denial system which keeps you
focused on Pollyanna, fantasy, magical thinking, minimizing,
intellectualization, and rationalization.
Also
preventing full admittance and acceptance is the fear, anxiety and terror of
being at the beginning stages of recovery when you feel one foot in the "old
unhealthy space'' well known to you and the other foot in the "new
healthy space'' less known to you and filled with great risks and challenge.
There is the "old you'' which you know and are used to, the "you''
that feels "normal.'' In the healthy world is the "new you,'' which
is at this beginning stage unknown to you. You fear that if you completely
give up the "old you'' before you become the "new you'' there will
be "none of you'' left. This makes you feel "sicker'' than you first
felt beginning this quest. You see that denial might be a safer alternative to
reduce your anxiety over changing. You also realize that you really don't know
what "normal'' is so why, you reason, should you take the risk now to
become "normal'' since what "you are'' hasn't done so bad for you.
But, since you have chosen this recovery road for yourself, something must
have made you feel "sick'' enough to reach out for help in the first
place. So, why not "let go'' of the fear, anxiety, and terror over change
and give the "new healthier normal you'' a chance?
Another
source preventing your admitting and accepting your powerlessness over your
low self-esteem behaviors is that you have always found it easier in the past
to blame others for your problems. This program of recovery places the
responsibility for your problem behaviors on you. You are the only one who
needs to improve emotional, rational, and behavioral control in order for you
to change. The focus on you as the "target'' for change is foreign to you
and you fight and resist this concept. This resistance to focus on personal
responsibility for self-change can lead to denial of the "real'' problems
you need to work on.
1.
Admitting powerlessness Give
examples of why it is not easy for you to admit powerlessness over the
behavioral consequences of low self-esteem.
2.
Accepting powerlessness Give examples of why it is not easy for you to
accept powerlessness over the behavioral consequences of your low self-esteem.
3.
Denial of the powerlessness over problems Give examples of denying the
powerlessness of the problems resulting from your low self-esteem through use
of:
4.
The "panic'' in recovery Give examples of how the panic in the
initial stages of your recovery keeps you from dealing with your admitting and
accepting powerlessness over your low self-esteem-based problems. This panic
results in:
-
Fear
of unknown "new'' me.
-
Anxiety
over loss of "old'' me.
-
Terror
at the magnitude of change needed.
-
Sensation
of getting "sicker'' as you enter "recovery.''
-
Reactions
of the significant people in your life to your changes.
5.
Personal responsibility for change in self Give
examples where you find it difficult to take total control of the efforts to
change yourself so that you no longer are affected by the negative behavioral
consequences of low self-esteem. Show how this resistance to taking personal
responsibility for self-change blinds you to the power and strength these
problems have over you.
Conclusion
Now
that you have explored Step 1 and the concept of powerlessness, restate for
yourself that which you admit and accept as the behaviors and issues which
result from your low self-esteem over which you feel powerless.
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