 Paulette
Messina Scafetta Memorial Site
September 25, 1941 - February 9, 2003
EULOGY
By Jim Messina, Paulette's Brother
On October 12, 1968, Paulette married the love of her
life Richard. Which was the start of almost 35 full years of love, hope,
success, and challenges. The riches of their lives were their two daughters
Sarah Ann and Mary Kate. Their high points were the graduation of their two
girls from High School, College and this year from Graduate School. Their
sorrows were the loss of Richard’s father and mother and Paulette’s father.
Added to this was the loss of so many of their relatives and friends. The added
burden was Paulette’s brittle diabetes, amputation and at the end her cancer and
system breakdown. Paulette had a strong heart and she fought a valiant fight to
the end. She loved Richard so much that her last goal in life was achieved with
her “Richie” at her bedside at her death. Richard as you go on from this day, I
want you to remember these words from Proverbs 31 about Paulette. You can be so
proud of your wife for her contribution to your life together, to your family
and home life, and your wonderful two daughters.
Proverbs 31
reads:
1-3
When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond
pearls
Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an
unfailing prize
She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of
her life.
17-18
She is girt about with strength, and sturdy are her
arms.
She enjoys the success of her dealings; at night her
lamp is undimmed.
25-26
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she
laughs at the days to come.
She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is
kindly counsel.
28-31
Her children rise
up and praises her; her husband, too, extol her:
“Many are the women
of proven worth, but you have excelled them all.”
Charm is deceptive
and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her a reward
of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates.
(From The New
American Bible, St. Joseph Edition)
Paulette Messina Scafetta, was Richard’s wife, was Sarah
Ann and Mary Kate’s mother, was Lucille’s and my sister, was aunt to many and
was a woman of great worth to a myriad array of relatives, friends, community,
and work colleagues.
Paulette was born on September 25, 1941 to Gilda and Paul
Messina. With in only three and a half short years Paulette needed to be girted
with strength and dignity with the birth of her new brother me. My mother and
father looked at their young daughter as a built in protector, guidance
counselor, traffic director, and surrogate parent for me. “Pawett” was
housemother, cook, nurse, and maid to me until I entered High School. She was
always there to tell me what I could and could not or should and should not do.
We spent hours in window-shopping, movie going, and riding the bus to the
various schools we attended. She was the most responsible, mature, and grown-up
kid I ever met. While I worked at mom and dad’s restaurant, Paulette managed the
household and kept it clean, neat and fully stocked. Eleven years after my
birth, along came Lucille, who became Paulette’s new charge and responsibility.
Paulette was the proverbial caregiver, everyone came before her in order of
importance and need.
Paulette and I had a life-bond, which was unique and
started at my birth. It was the emotional tether, which kept us in spirit with
one another. Although we were not physically close, our emotional and psychic
closeness was pronounced and we were able to feel each other’s pain even if we
were not present to see it. We could fight like “cats and dogs” but our bond of
love was strong as witnessed by the beauty of our last ten days together this
January. I fortunately had a God given opportunity to spend ten full days with
Paulette at Mercy Hospital. I was there before her surgery on January 10th
on which day she was able to make closure with each one of us at her bedside:
Richard, Mary Kate, Sarah in spirit, Lucille and myself. We prayed, shared
thoughts and closed anything, which needed to be closed prior to their taking
her to the surgery. She survived the surgery but due to her compromised health
she remained in ICU until my last day with her January 17th. We said
our good bys on that day knowing that it was our last time to be face to face on
earth. We came to closure knowing that we loved each other unconditionally and
that we shared a life-long gift, which I will treasure for the rest of my life.
Richard, Mary Kate,
Stacy, Louise and Lucille continued the bedside vigil till her end on February 9th.
We all who were privileged to spend these last hours with Paulette know that she
fought a valiant fight to the end. She did not deserve the pain and suffering
she experienced and we are all relieved that God finally agreed to let her be at
rest in Him.
Paulette had just
recently retired as the attendance secretary for the Hamburg Middle School,
Hamburg, NY, where she was employed for the past fifteen years. She was also an
active member of the Union for non-teaching staff for the District organizing
many professional staff development days. Paulette was a member of the P.T.A.
for many years organizing many successful events for the students in the Hamburg
District. Paulette loved her role in the school system. She was very involved
with the lives of the staff and students. Due to her role in the Hamburg School
District our family has set up an annual scholarship to be given to a deserving
student who has chosen the path of administrative and support service which
Paulette followed her entire life.
Paulette was a leader. She was charismatic and she was my
hero. I would do anything to help her be recognized for her skills, abilities,
and competencies. When I was completing my first year of college, in 1965, I got
a group of my fellow classmates at the Little Seminary in Buffalo to assist me
in helping Paulette campaign for the presidency of the Buffalo Diocesan CYAC.
Her campaign theme was “Everything’s Coming up Roses for Paulette and the CYAC.”
I had my seminarian friends hand out over 3000 paper roses at the convention. We
sang her theme song on tape, which we ran obnoxiously all during the convention.
You can imagine that everything did come up Roses for Paulette. During her
Presidential tenure she ran many conventions and traveled to Ecuador, South
America, for two months.
After graduating from Notre Dame High School in Batavia,
Paulette attended Bryant and Stratton and received her degree in business.
Shortly after that she worked for the United States Air Force and for United
States Department of Social Security. All her family members fondly remember
the ease with which she would rattle off pertinent Social Security information
that would assist them in their long-term planning for their retirement. She had
an incredible gift for memory of the minutest details, which she could retrieve
years later to the chagrin of those who would have preferred her to forget.
What was so impressive about Paulette was her loyalty to
her husband, daughters, family members and friends. Some of her closest friends
can give you testimony to such a close friendship.
She was an avid crafter and enjoyed displaying her works of
art at craft shows.
Finally to you Sarah and Mary Kate here is a Message about
your mother I hope will stay with you both for the rest of your lives and the
lives of your children:
The Mother's Path of Life
The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she
asked.
And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you
reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."
But the young mother was happy, and she could not believe that anything could be
better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers
for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone
on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."
Then the night came, and the storm, and the path were dark, and the children
shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with
her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are
near, and no harm can come."
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and
grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children,
"A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they
reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."
And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said,
"This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in
the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them
strength."
And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and
hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look
up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the
clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that
night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my
children God."
And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother
grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and
walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as
light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a
shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said: "I have reached the
end of my journey. And now I know
The end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their
children after them."
And the children said, " You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you
have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on
alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her, but
she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living
presence."
Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down
the street, she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks she's the
cool hand on your brow when you're not well.
Your Mother lives inside your
laughter. And she's crystallized in every teardrop. She's the place you came
from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take.
She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can
separate you.. Not time, not space...not even death!
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