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| |  Parenting Pathfinders: Tools for Raising Responsible Children -
Section 5
Parenting Pathfinders Track Structures for
Children
9.1. Academic achievement in school
Pathfinders make their children responsible for their own achievement and progress in
school once they reach 5th or 6th grade depending on their level of maturity and
appropriateness of the academic program in which they are enrolled. Pathfinders do not
fight with their children once they reach middle school age to achieve in school. They
allow the natural consequence of low grades or failure to teach these children the
importance of applying themselves to class work, class participation, classroom
behaviors, attention to studies, completing homework, and studying for examinations,
tests and quizzes. In the elementary grades Pathfinders utilize logical consequences at
home to encourage improvement in academic behaviors. They also can use logical
consequences in the later years. They recognize that by middle school, academic
motivation comes from within the students. These parents let go of the problem of
under achievement or scholastic behavioral acting out and cease trying to fix and
change their children leaving it to the students to handle on their own. Pathfinders
recognize that they cannot control the outcomes of their children's performance in
middle school, high school and college. They wait for their children to initiate requests
for assistance and guidance on how to better their performance. They utilize family
meetings to discuss the natural consequences of academic performance and
non-performance with no lecturing, preaching or directing. High achievement and
success is naturally reinforced in school by honor rolls and academic awards and
scholarships. Pathfinders do not bribe their children with financial or material rewards
for good grades in school. They do not pay for good grades. They allow the natural
affect of the inner sense of accomplishment and personal success to motivate their
children to continue to want to excel in school. Pathfinders discuss with their children
the positive and negative impact of receiving a good education in school. They allow
the natural consequences to affect their children's intrinsic motivation to succeed in
school. Pathfinders emphasize that their children's primary work in the family is to be a
student and to achieve a worthwhile education which prepares them for adult life.
Natural consequences:
- If you do not do the work necessary to achieve well in school, then you will do poorly,
get low grades, and possibly fail.
- If you do not behave in the school setting, then you will get in trouble with the school
authorities who will use their forms of negative consequences such as detention,
suspension, and expulsion.
Logical consequences:
- If you get in trouble in school due to academic non-achievement, lack of effort or
disciplinary problems, then we will inform the school official to use their negative
consequences to the fullest to assist you to realize the importance of your need to
improve and to become more personally responsible in school.
- If you do not meet your primary obligation in the family which is to be a good
academic student who works to your fullest capacity, then you can expect us to
make greater demands on you to meet the financial obligations of feeding, clothing,
and sheltering you. You can expect no extras being made available for you in the
family budget.
9.2. School placement
Pathfinders work closely with their children's schools to insure that their children are in
an appropriate placement. They watch for signs of cognitive or intellectual deficits, slow
learning skills, perceptual difficulties, learning disabilities, attention deficit disorder,
distractibility, hyperactivity, language delays, visual or hearing impairments, emotional
and behavioral problems, boredom, and inattentiveness due to work being too easy or
not challenging enough, and other physical reasons for their children's problems with
academics or school life. They intervene as soon as problems arise and request formal
screening and testing from the school to better define why their children are having
problems. They advocate for appropriate placement and monitor that their children are
receiving what they need from the schools to insure them reaching their optimum
potential. Once they have their children in as appropriate a school placement as
possible, then they work along with the teachers to develop appropriate programs of
natural and logical consequences to motivate them. If their children are in exceptional
educational programming, they work on an annual basis with the teachers to develop
an individual education plan(IEP) which will detail the goals for their children for the next
academic year. They monitor this plan throughout the year and intervene with the
teachers when it appears the IEP needs to be revised, altered, or discontinued.
Pathfinders recognize that when their children are appropriately placed in school that
they have an easier task of motivating them to succeed.
Natural consequences:
- If you are in an appropriate placement in school, then you will have a greater
probability of reaching your optimum potential in school.
- If you are floundering in school, then the work is either too easy or too hard for you
due to some physical or cognitive attribute which needs to be tested and clearly
defined.
Logical consequences:
- If you are not doing well in school, then we will seek out assistance from the school
officials to test out why this is so.
- If you are in an appropriate placement in school and are still not achieving up to your
optimal level, then we will coordinate with your teachers to develop a plan of action
to help motivate you to succeed.
9.3. Study location in home
Pathfinders designate the private rooms of children as their appropriate place to study
and do homework. They emphasize with their children that if work is done in public
rooms they have to accept the natural consequence of the distractions of the noise and
activity. Pathfinders make an effort to provide their children with a desk or table to study
on. They also make an effort to provide this space with a study lamp, comfortable chair,
and enough supplies and equipment to accomplish the academic work to be done.
Pathfinders encourage their children to recognize their own limitations as to if they can
listen to music while they study. At family meetings guidelines for setup and
maintenance of study space are drawn up.
Natural consequences:
- If you study in a public area of the house, then there is a greater risk of your being
distracted and not able to fully concentrate on it. You will have difficulty in
accomplishing what you need to.
- If you have a private place which is set up to optimally allow you to study and do your
school work, then you will have a greater probability of succeeding in the academic
work you do there.
Logical consequences:
- If you continue to fool around or act distracted in public areas while you are doing
your school work, then you will have to do it in your private study area.
- If you continue to get grades in school below your capability, then you will be
required to do all of your academic work in your private study location for the next
term until your grades improve.
9.4. Study time in home
Pathfinders designate specific quite hours in home during which the expectation is that
the children will be doing their studies and homework. These times are distinguished by
the television and other electronic media in the public rooms being turned off. Children
at family meetings help their parents to designate these study times. On an annual
basis as the children grow older the times will vary in length and placement in the daily
schedule. Pathfinders recognize that designated study times in the home provide their
children with a structure around which they can plan their completion of homework,
studying for tests and doing their required readings.
Natural consequences:
- If you use the designated study times in the house, then you will be able to
accomplish all of your homework, studying, and readings necessary to assist you get
the grades which you are capable of achieving.
- If you do not spend enough time on your homework, studying, or readings, then you
will most probably do poorer in school than what you are capable of doing.
Logical consequences:
- If you insist on playing and goofing around during the designated family study hours,
then you will need to spend that time in the house away from everyone else so as
not to distract them.
- If today, you goof off and play during the designated family study times, then you will
not be allowed to use the electronic media in your private room or public areas for
the rest of the day.
9.5. Parental assistance with homework and studying
Pathfinders recognize that they cannot be intrusive in their children accomplishing of
homework, projects, and studying for tests. They are reluctant to over do for their
children. They resist giving the correct answers for the homework so that their children
do not become dependent on them doing their work for them. Pathfinders maintain that
they can consult and give advice, but that their children must do their own work. These
parents do not overly intrude. They might ask to review the nightly homework but do not
correct it. They leave the accuracy of the homework, and studying to the natural
consequences in the classroom. They allow their children to earn their own grades on
homework and projects so as to assist them to have realistic expectations about grades
and academic achievement. Pathfinders resist contributing to grade inflation for their
children by limiting the amount of assistance they give them in their studies. Children of
Pathfinders never have it said about them, that "their parents got their grades for them."
Natural consequences:
- If you do the work on your own, then you honestly earn the grade for it on your own.
- If you become dependent on me to assist you to do your homework, then you will not
able to do it independently when you are in school without me.
Logical consequences:
- If I find that you are expecting me to do more than just look over your homework,
then I will cease looking it over.
- If you have a long term project, then you need to begin to plan for it right away by
involving me to assist you to get the materials you need. I will not help you get what
you need to complete the project on the day or two before the project is due nor will I
help you finish the project to get it in on time.
9.6. Academic equipment
Pathfinders make every effort to provide their children with the most adequate
equipment and supplies necessary to accomplish their academic work. This includes
paper, pencils, pens, notebooks, book bags, and folders. They also provide calculators,
typewriters, and computers. The home has appropriate reference texts including
dictionary, thesaurus, atlas, globe and encyclopedia. The children are encouraged to
share the expensive equipment which is often stored in the parents' private rooms or
public rooms of the house. At family meetings guidelines for use of the shared
equipment are worked out. Pathfinders make appropriate academic equipment
available for their children so that they can get the most out of their academic efforts in
the most efficient way possible at home.
Natural consequences:
- If you do not have the necessary academic equipment to complete your homework
and studying, then you will not be able to succeed in school to your fullest potential.
- If you are not able to share with the rest of the family the academic equipment which
is expensive, then they will find that their own academic or work progress will suffer.
You will then not be allowed to use the family owned equipment.
Logical consequences:
- If you misuse, waste, or destroy the academic equipment we give or share with you,
then you will be expected to purchase your own equipment in the future out of your
own money.
- If you are running out of specific equipment, then it is your responsibility to let us
know as soon as possible so that we can get replacements on our next shopping trip.
However, we will not run right out on the night that you run out just to get you these
supplies which could have been gotten at a more reasonable time.
9.7. Academic problems
Pathfinders make every effort to cooperate with school officials when their children are
presenting problems in the school. Until their children reach middle school age they set
up logical consequences in the home to address the school based problems. However,
when their children are having problems in middle school and high school they do not
necessarily set up logical consequences at home unless the wellbeing of the home life
is being threatened; i.e. a student being kicked off a bus, being suspended, or being
kept after school in detention. When children reach middle school age on, Pathfinders
inform the school personnel that if their children are in trouble to please use everything
in their power in school to make the natural consequence for the problem so severe
that the children will have second thoughts of repeating it. They encourage the school
not to use suspension to home because often times it is just what the students wanted.
It ceases being negative except to the parents who must supervise the children who are
out of school. Pathfinders recognize that often times their children need their support to
understand the importance of the school's action. These parents do not rant and rave
over the problems which their children get into at school. They allow the natural
consequences the children are experiencing to sink in and hopefully to motivate them.
Often times there are personality conflicts between students and teachers. It is a
difficult judgement call to make when this is real or not. However, Pathfinders do
advocate once they meet the teachers in questions and sense a bias or prejudice
against their children. They will not hesitate to request a change of class assignment
when such a bias is obvious. They, on the other hand, will not do this lightly if this event
is a continuing pattern for their children. They will instead request assistance from the
school to determine what is going on with their children that they are consistently have
problems with teachers. Need for a more appropriate class placement might be the real
issue underlying these problems. Pathfinders intervene in the problems their children
have in school very cautiously so as not to lose their effectiveness as advocates for
their children.
Natural consequences:
- If you get into trouble at school, then you will have to suffer the negative
consequences which the school officials decide upon.
- If you have problems with discipline in school, then your academic grades and
learning will suffer.
Logical consequences:
- If you are suspended from school or the school bus, then this will create negative
consequences in the family and we will seek to have the school officials come up
with alternatives which punish you more than us.
- If you do not improve your behaviors at school, then we will have to restrict the
privileges we give you at home until your behaviors improve.
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