|
Home
Up
Introduction
Self-Care
Environment
Chores
Electronics
Telephone
Time Mgt.
Finances
Recreation
Academics
Relationships
Family Life
Family Meetings
| |  Parenting Pathfinders: Tools for Raising Responsible Children -
Section 5
Parenting Pathfinders Track Structures for
Children
4.1. Used as logical consequence
Pathfinders utilize permission to watch TV or Videos, listen to radio or stereo, and play
with computer or video games as logical consequences for a variety of behaviors. For
this reason they do not give permission to use these electronic devices freely and guard
the scheduling and duration of their usage. They limit the hours of their usage so as to
prevent over-dependency on them for babysitting or diversionary entertainment.
Because Pathfinders allow the use of these devices as a privilege rather than as a right
the children recognize that they must earn the use of them. These children do not
become overly addicted to them and have the ability to use them in a rational and
reasonable way.
Natural consequences:
- If you are freely given permission to use the TV, VCR, or computer games at home,
then you, then might be led to believe that it is your right rather than a privilege to
use them.
- If you are able to use the TV, VCR, or computer games with no restriction on their
use you might become fixated, addicted, or dependent on them for your source of
entertainment or leisure.
Logical consequences:
- If you do not earn the right to use the TV, VCR, or computer games on a specific
day, then you will not be allowed on that day to use them.
- If, one day, you are unwilling to do those things which are outlined for you to do to
earn the use of the TV, VCR, or computer games, then you will not be allowed to use
them on that day.
4.2. Placement of electronic devices
Pathfinders are cautious to not make their children's private rooms electronic
entertainment centers. They do not place any of these devices in their children's rooms
so as to prevent the rooms from being a desired hide away. The devices are preferably
kept in public rooms so that the parents can control their access and utilization. If
devices are placed in private rooms their scheduled use and accessibility are controlled
by the parents within the family meetings. If the children are over using these devices
they are removed and placed in public rooms.
Natural consequences:
- If you over use the electronic devices (TV,Stereo, Computer Games etc.) which have
been placed in your private room, then they will be removed to a public room.
- If the electronic devices placed in your private room are not shared with the rest of
the family, then they will be place in public rooms for access to all family members.
Logical consequences:
- If you are sent to your private room as a negative consequence, then you will not be
allowed to use the electronic devices which are in that room.
- If you do not share the use of the electronic devices which are in public rooms, then
you will not be allowed to use them on the day you were refusing to share their use.
4.3. Scheduled usage
Pathfinders set hours in each day in which the various electronic devices can be
utilized. They attempt to limit the usage of each device to no more than one hour at a
time. There is a scheduled family TV or Video hour nightly, when the TV in the main
public room is turned on to a pre-scheduled family designated show, predetermined in
the family meetings. There is no attempt to allow the children to watch another TV show
other than the designated one(s). If they do not wish to watch the family
show(s) they
are free during the hour(s) to use the other available electronic devices or read on their
own. The TV is turned off as much as possible by Pathfinders to encourage their
children to find alternatives which require their self-reliance and creativity.
Natural consequences:
- If you become dependent on electronic devices as your only source of leisure outlet,
then your creativity, imagination, and intellectual functioning will become stunted.
- If you do not limit the use of electronic devices you could become dependent on
them and become a limited person in using your intellectual, emotional, and physical
capabilities to their fullest.
Logical consequences:
- If you do not follow the prescribed schedule of the day for the use of electronic
equipment, then you will not be allowed to use them on that day or on following days
based on the severity of the violation.
- If you are unwilling to watch the prescribed family show on TV, then you will have to
occupy yourself during that time with some activity of your choosing.
4.4. Benefits of electronics
Pathfinders emphasize with their children the benefits to be derived from judicious use
of the electronic equipment in the home. They point out the timely news available on
regular networks with the educational benefits of public television programming. They
also watch the TV schedule for family oriented fare which can be scheduled in the
family TV time. The parents use these programs as topics for discussion at family
meetings and meals. The computer and video games are encouraged to enhance eye
hand coordination and abstract problem solving. The VCR provides the family with the
ability to record worthwhile shows for latter play. They are also able to use the VCR to
watch movie classics which can enhance family values. The radio and stereo provide
children with an outlet to experience a whole range of music which their parents expose
them to from an early age. Music choice in family life is an open discussion in
Pathfinders' families. The children are free to choose their own as long as they have
been exposed to the whole range from the classics to punk and from waltzes to rap.
Natural consequences:
- If you abuse the use of electronic devices, then you will not be able to enjoy the
intellectual, creative and informational benefits they offer you.
- If you do not demonstrate a reasonable approach to the use of electronic devices,
then you will not be reflecting an understanding of their benefit to you and you will
need to be prohibited from their use until you can comprehend their importance in
your life.
Logical consequences:
- If you spend too much time with a particular device, then we will limit your access to
it.
- If you abuse the privilege of use of the electronic devices in our house, then you will
be limited to specific times for their use.
4.5. Purchase of equipment
Pathfinders make a point to limit the number of electronic devices in the home. They do
not purchase equipment for private room placement. If however children do want
equipment for their private use they are allowed to buy it on their own as long as they
agree to the time schedules and guideline set in the home. Pathfinders try not to over
indulge their children with equipment which they do not need. If additional equipment
comes into the home, it is placed in public rooms for all family members to enjoy.
Family TV, stereo, VCR, computer, and video games are the rule and norm in
Pathfinders' homes. Individually owned equipment is there only because of the
willingness of the children to cover their costs and use them within family limits. Parents
may have their own equipment in their bedrooms and offices based on business
necessity or need for occasional privacy from the family. Pathfinders are careful not to
role model poor habits of addictive behaviors with TV, computer, VCR, or stereo which
they have in their private rooms.
Natural consequences:
- If you do not have the money to purchase additional electronic devices for your
private use, then you will have to learn to make do and share the devices in the
public rooms with the rest of the family.
- If you are able to purchase additional electronic devices for your private use in your
own room, then you will be expected to use them within the guidelines agreed to in
family meetings. If you abuse the privilege, then you will be restricted from using the
private equipment.
Logical consequences:
- If you want an electronic device for private use in your private room, then you will
need to come up with the money to purchase it and then use it according to
prescribed schedule and family guidelines. If you abuse the privilege, then you will
be restricted in the use of the device.
- If we are purchasing an electronic device for family use in the public rooms and you
want to have an upgraded version, then you will need to come up with the money to
purchase the upgrade and then be willing to share the device with the whole family.
4.6. Potential negative impact of electronic media
Pathfinders are careful to point out to their children the negative impact of the electronic
media. The violence and abuse in the movies and on TV is translated by Pathfinders to
their children as aberrations of life which need to be avoided. The explicit language and
sexual behaviors in these art forms are also discussed openly by these parents with
their children. Pathfinders make it a point to know what their children are listening to or
watching. They then discuss the explicit material if any with them. These parents
prevent their children from being exposed to the explicit material until they reach a
reasonable age in which they can intellectually and emotionally discuss and cope with
it. Pathfinders are very cautious to insure their children are not exposed to X or R rated
material on Cable TV by either putting a limit on its usage or not having it brought into
the home. Pathfinders are cautious however not to over react if their children do see an
explicit show. They rather use this show as an opportunity to educate their children and
discuss the material openly with them. Pathfinders know that violence, sex, and
questionable moral behaviors in programs are only influential on children if they are not
fully discussed and explored with them. By parental guidance and understanding, these
children are allowed to find out that there are people in the real world who do not follow
and adhere to the morals and spiritual values of their families. Turning a potentially
negative influence on children into a positive opportunity for learning and growth is the
goal of Pathfinders in dealing with negative material in the electronic medium.
Natural consequences:
- If we do not fully discuss the violence, explicit sex, and questionable moral behaviors
on TV and in movies, then you may be misled that these are acceptable behaviors
for you to emulate.
- If we do not monitor what you are exposed to in the electronic media, then we will be
forced to deal with their negative impact on you over time.
Logical consequences:
- If you persist in seeking out morally objectionable material to watch, then we will limit
your availability to the TV, movies, and videos.
- If you persist on going into other's homes where you can view objectionable material,
then we will limit your freedom to visit those home in the future.
|
Coping.org:
Tools for Coping
with Life's
Stressors
Coping.org
is a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D.,
Email: