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| | Parenting  Pathfinders: Tools for Raising Responsible Children -
Section 5
Parenting Pathfinders Track Structures for
Children
2.1. Infant nursery
Pathfinders recognize the need to set up a separate infant nursery for newly arrived
family members. It is important that the infants be kept in their own rooms separate
from their parents. This establishes for the new infant the reality that there is a special
place in their home for them. It assists children to adjust to this new surrounding and to
learn to feel comfortable and safe in it. Parents seek to move babies into their own
room by 2 months of age. The establishment of their own rooms creates physical
boundaries which the children can call upon as they develop a sense of self-reliance
and self-determination. The nursery is the first site of self-caring and self-comforting
which will carry these children on in their quest for responsible living and self-esteem.
Natural consequences:
- If infants are not able to develop self-reliance and self-determination in comforting
themselves to fall asleep alone in their own rooms, then they will become dependent
on their parents to assist them to fall asleep in rooms other than their own.
- If infants do not experience the existence of physical boundaries between them and
their parents, then they will become over-bonded with their parents which will be a
hard problem to overcome between them and their parents.
Logical consequences:
- If you are not able to settle yourself down on your own in your own room, then I am
going to leave you here on your own and not talk with you the rest of the night.
- If you come to my room any time during the night, then I will bring you back to your
own bed in your own room and put you there without talking to you. I will continue to
do this until you learn to stay in your own room.
2.2. Baby proofing
Pathfinders baby proof their homes once their children reach the age of self-mobility.
To insure their children have the freedom to explore their environment, the home is
made safe for them. These parents do not resent putting up fragile artifacts. They see
no problem is putting stereos, video cassette players, tape players, televisions, and
other electronic gear out of reach of children. They move all poisons, cleaners, and
other dangerous materials into safe places out of reach of children. They put child-safe
latches on cupboards and dresser drawers. They lock all closets and storage rooms
which are unsafe for children. They remove rifles, guns, and knives from the reach of
children and place them in locked containers or out of the house. Pathfinders
encourage the adults in their lives whom they visit to likewise baby proof if they are to
visit their homes with their young children. They do not visit homes which are not
babyproofed so as not to place the children into an environment which is either unsafe
or will result in them being overly anxious and watchful. By baby proofing homes,
Pathfinders make it possible for their children to feel free to be themselves and explore
at their own will. As children reach elementary school age the parents are less cautious
and begin to allow their children to recognize their responsibility to respect the property
of others.
Natural consequences:
- If we do not baby proof our home, then our children have a greater chance of being
hurt
- If we do not baby proof our home and we consistently stay on our child's back to stay
out of things, then we will become nagging parents who take on the responsibility of
our children creating their over-dependence on our correcting.
Logical consequences:
- If you are persistently going to go after that object which is unsafe for you, then I will
have to put it out of your reach until you are old enough to leave it alone.
- If our friends or family members are unwilling to make baby proofing
accommodations in their homes for our child, then we will not visit them until our
children are old enough to stay out of things which are dangerous for them.
2.3. Room assignments
Pathfinders assign rooms for each of their children according to their house size and
financial capability. The bedroom assignments are based on giving older children their
own rooms so that they can have privacy and insure a sense of modesty for them if of
opposite sex than their younger siblings. If rooms are shared, they are by siblings of
same sex at any age and opposite sex when below 11 years of age. In shared
bedrooms, rules and guidelines are set up which insure the children in the room are
responsible for the cleanliness and orderliness of their sections of the room. Along with
bedroom, the bathrooms are also assigned. The bathrooms are typically shared and
rules are set up to insure cooperation and cleanliness. Schedules are set up to insure
open access and timely use of the facilities. Pathfinders set up guidelines and rules to
insure room assignments are handled in a responsible way to insure the children are
fairly treated and respected.
Natural consequences:
- If you do not keep your room or part of your room orderly, neat and clean, then you
will not be able to find the things you need when you want them.
- If you do not cooperate in respecting the rights of others by staying out of their
private places, then you may have your own rights of privacy violated by those
whose rights you violate.
Logical consequences:
- If you do not handle your room assignment in a responsible way, then we will have to
change it so as to insure that you do not affect the physical welfare, hygiene, or
health of others.
- If you abuse the privilege of having your own room, then we will have to consider
having you share it with one of the others in the family or give your room to a more
responsible member of the family and make you share one with a younger member.
2.4. Private rooms
Pathfinders declare bedrooms and bathrooms private after they are assigned to only
one child or to be shared by two or more siblings. They also declare the parents'
bedroom and bathroom if available as private. Private rooms are declared off limits to
the other family members who are not assigned to these rooms. This sets up a family
rule of respect for each other's physical boundaries and privacy. It sets up the
expectation of mutual respect and harmonious living. Children learn soon that if they do
not respect the privacy of others they will lose their trust in them. The homes of
Pathfinders are clearly defined by designated spaces which are public and private and
this gives the inhabitants a sense of safety and security in this arrangement.
Natural consequences:
- If you do not respect the privacy of others, then you will lose the trust of your family
members.
- If you do not respect the privacy of rooms in the family, then the family members will
feel a lack of security and safety in their own space and you will be looked on as a
violator of their trust.
Logical consequences:
- If you persist on going into other's private spaces, then those spaces will be locked in
order to keep you out.
- If you persist on violating the privacy of others, then you will be restricted in your
freedom to come and go in the house on your own.
2.5. Public rooms
Pathfinders designate kitchens, living rooms, family rooms, dining rooms, play rooms,
laundry rooms, patios, porches, and guest bathrooms as public rooms. They set up
rules and guidelines about the cleanliness and orderliness of these rooms. All of the
family members are held responsible to follow these guidelines. The public rooms rules
and guidelines are often much stricter and more tightly enforced than those for the
private rooms. The delineation of public and private rooms assist children to learn the
importance of respect for others' property and respect the needs of others who desire
cleanliness and orderliness in their lives. This assists children to learn the concept of
social responsibility.
Natural consequences:
- If cleanliness and orderliness is not adhered to in public rooms, then they will
become uninhabitable and threaten the emotional serenity of the family.
- If public room rules and guidelines for conduct and orderliness are not responsibly
followed, then these room will succumb to chaos and disarray.
Logical consequences:
- If on any day you do not make an effort to keep the public rooms of the house
orderly, neat, and within the family guidelines, then you will not be allowed to use the
public rooms on that day.
- If you do not do your share to keep the public rooms within the prescribed guidelines
for
2.6. Cleanliness and orderliness of rooms
Pathfinders establish specific rules and guidelines on the cleanliness and orderliness of
both public and private rooms in the family home. Typically these parents require that
the public rooms be neat and orderly. This means that things are picked up and put in
their appropriate place. The cleanliness of the public rooms becomes the responsibility
of the family. The dusting, vacuuming and polishing get assigned as chores. The public
bathrooms are cleaned and picked up as family jobs as well. The children begin to be
assigned the dusting and vacuuming jobs when they reach elementary school years.
The picking up of public rooms usually is a daily routine and cleaning once a week or as
needed. The real test for Pathfinders is the setting guidelines for private rooms. Private
rooms are the domain of the inhabitants and the children are taught at an early age
what the standards for cleanliness and order are for private rooms. The natural
consequence of not picking up and cleaning private rooms is the "unsightly and
uncomfortable" state they can become. If children do not find this "mess" uncomfortable
enough to be internally motivated to clean the room, often the parents will determine a
logical consequence to get them motivated. However, a good rule of thumb is to keep
the doors of private rooms closed at those times when parents are ready to yell,
scream, rant, and rave. Since the rooms are private, Pathfinders leave it up to their
children to determine when they need to be cleaned. To insure public hygiene, parents
do not allow food or drink to leave the kitchen or public eating rooms. Also in
geographic areas in which homes are sprayed for bugs, the parents require the private
rooms readied for the bug exterminator to insure family health and safety. Dirty clothes,
wet towels, and garbage are frequent visitors of private rooms. Pathfinders allow their
children to cope with the smells, distress of having no clean clothes or towels, and piles
of mess to walk over to encourage them to keep up with the tasks of cleanliness and
order.
Natural consequences:
- If rooms are not kept clean and orderly, then they will become unsightly and
uncomfortable for the people using the rooms.
- If your private room is not kept orderly and clean, then you will experience discomfort
at some time or other due to odors, stench, disarray, bugs, clutter, or inability to walk
on the floor.
Logical consequence:
- If, one day, you do not keep your private room clean and orderly as outlined in our
guidelines, then please keep the door closed. If you leave the door open, then you
are inviting us to comment on what we see. Then we will require you to correct it to
meet our guidelines before you do anything else on that day.
- If you do not follow guidelines for public and private room hygiene, then you will not
be allowed to bring friends over to the house until the guidelines have been met.
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