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Parenting Pathfinders: Tools for Raising Responsible Children - Section 5

Parenting Pathfinders Track Structures for Children

1.2.0. Grooming

 

1.2.1. Toddler grooming

Pathfinders assist their young children to learn to take care of their own grooming skills. Toddlers are taught to brush or comb hair, brush teeth, wash and dry face and hands and bathing. Their parents allow them to experience the success of taking care of their own needs. Pathfinders do not expect their toddlers to complete these tasks perfectly but rather allow the children to experience personal mastery over them. If the children still need to have their efforts improved upon, the parents quietly complete the task for them with no mention of standards not being met. As the children grow older they learn from the shaping given by their parents of an acceptable level of completion of the tasks. The children are never given the wrong message that parents should be the only ones to do grooming tasks because they cannot do it as well.

Natural consequences:

  • If you do not do the grooming tasks necessary for your grooming, then you will go ungroomed the rest of the day.
  • If you do not learn to groom yourself, then you won't be able to groom youself and your parents won't do it for you.

Logical consequences:

  • If you do not do that task, then I will not do it for you and you will be seen by others as being ungroomed, unkempt, and messy.
  • If you do not do that task on your own, then no one else will do it for you and you may be embarrassed by other's reactions to your lack of grooming.

 

1.2.2. Personal hygiene

Pathfinders make personal hygiene of their children a topic of family training and guidance. They reinforce what is healthy and socially acceptable. The children are given daily schedules to follow by which personal hygiene needs are to be accomplished. They are made aware of the natural consequence of not taking care of their hygiene needs. Girls from age 10 on are instructed in feminine hygiene needs and are fully prepared for the arrival of their menarche. This helps the girls to avoid surprise or embarrassment when they experience their first flow. Parents do not subject their children to ranting and raving about combing and shampooing hair, brushing teeth, taking baths, using deodorant, and smelling and looking good. They instead are made to realize the negative response of others in their life are reasons enough to take care of themselves.

Natural consequences:

  • If you do not take care of your personal hygiene needs, then you will smell and look foul and people will avoid coming near you due to the air and visual pollution.
  • If you do not take care of your personal hygiene, then you might become sick because of the germs accumulating on your body.

Logical consequences:

  • If you do not take care of your personal hygiene needs, then we will not take you out with us the next time we go to eat, to a movie or to have fun.
  • If you do not take care of your personal hygiene needs, then we will not buy you new clothes when you need them because you ruin your clothes by being continuously dirty and smelly.

 

1.2.3. Toilet training

Pathfinders do not rush their children into toilet training. They recognize that children are not physiologically ready to be toilet trained until 18-32 months of age. They allow their children to give the signal of readiness. They avoid shaming their children into being trained. They teach their children to clean themselves and other toilet skills with gentleness and kindness. The process is handled in a short period of time with out much fanfare. The location of the potty chair, child's seat and children's bathroom are pre-assigned. Guidelines are given for appropriate behavior in the bathroom. Modesty and cleanliness are encouraged.

Natural consequences:

  • If you do not learn to go to the toilet on your own, then you will need to wear diapers in kindergarten or first grade.
  • If you do not go to the bathroom when you need to, then you will have an accident in your pants and possibly get embarrassed.

Logical consequences:

  • If you want to go to the toilet, then you can go on your own as long as you observe the guidelines for self-cleaning and correct use of the toilet. If you don't, then you will not be allowed to go to the bathroom on your own.
  • If you make a mess of the bathroom, then you will need to clean it up on your own before you are allowed to do anything else today.

 

1.2.4. Bed-wetting

Pathfinders set definitive rules about bed-wetting with children who are fully toilet trained. The children are not subjected to any negative consequences if there are occasional accidents. However when the bed-wetting is chronic the parents design logical consequences which do not result in shame or guilt in the children. Cleaning their own beds, washing and drying their sheets, washing and drying their night clothes and baths taken in the morning after bed-wetting are sample consequences. The children are informed of the initiation of these consequences and consistent follow through by parents insure extinction of these behaviors.

Natural consequences:

  • If you continually wet your bed at night, then your night clothes, bed and mattress, sheets and room will begin to have a foul odor and smell bad.
  • If you continually wet your bed at night and there is no medical reason for this, then you most probably have poor bladder control and need to learn how to control it during the night.

Logical consequences:

  • If you wet your bed at night, then you will need to do the following tasks in the morning before you leave the house to go to school or go out to play: take the sheets off and wash them, wash your night clothes, clean your bed, take a bath, put fresh clothes on and repeat this every time you wet your bed without our reminding you.
  • If you continue to wet the bed, then you will need to come with us to a medical professional to address the reasons for this behavior so that we can all help you overcome this embarrassment.

 

1.2.5. Cosmetics

Pathfinders allow their children to learn about the responsible use of cosmetics, perfumes, colognes, after shave, make-up and other stylish personal hygiene materials. They allow their children to use cosmetics in a reasonable way and encourage the natural consequence of social reaction when they have either over done or under used them. The children are encouraged to find their own way to finance the costs of these materials when they get old enough to do so. One way to time the use of these is to determine if the children are old enough to use them responsibly and cover the costs of them on their own if needed. Pathfinders refrain from over commenting on the use of these materials and role model the reasonable and responsible use of them in their own lives.

Natural consequences:

  • If you put on too much make-up, then you run the risk of having others comment on how artificial you look.
  • If you do not use enough deodorant or too much cologne, then the smell may evoke negative comments from others.

Logical consequences:

  • If you cannot afford to buy those cosmetics on your own, then I will not buy them for you.
  • If you abuse the privilege of our buying your personal hygiene needs by wasting them, then you can buy them on your own.

 

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