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Parenting Pathfinders: Tools for Raising Responsible Children - Section 5

Parenting Pathfinders Track Structures for Children

1.0.0. Self-care

 

Parenting Pathfinders make every effort to assist their children to be as self-sufficient and self-reliant as possible in taking care of their activities of daily living, feeding, grooming, clothing, sleeping and exercise needs.

1.1.0. Feeding Issues

 

 

1.1.1. Self-feeding

Parents begin from infancy in training their children to feed themselves. Breast feeding is done with children until a reasonable age when the child no longer needs the immunity available from breast milk. Introduction of foods is timed in harmony with the child's nutritional demands. Finger feeding is encouraged and the use of spoon and fork are timed with the coordination of the fine-motor skills of children. The use of the cup is introduced early on to lessen dependency on the bottle or breast feeding. Pathfinders do not use extreme measures to get their infants to eat. The use of dramatics and "Carmine Miranda" antics and gestures to entice feeding reinforce the wrong message about independent action. During infancy and toddler years, Pathfinders insure that experimentation in self-feeding resulting in spills and messes are not overly criticized or negatively reacted to. Children are encouraged to become independent feeders in a loving, caring, and wholesome way. Parents make enough time for the novice self-feeder to complete meals at first with time limits set on meals once the child reaches the 2 years plus stage of development. Once children reach 2 years of age or more, they are then expected to feed themselves and to finish their meals in the same time frame as the rest of the family.

Natural consequences:

  • If you do not eat enough at this meal to satisfy your current hunger, then you will still be hungry after you have completed this meal.
  • If you do not finish your meal in the given time frame, then you will most probably be still hungry after the meal ends.

Logical consequences:

  • If you do not eat enough to satisfy your hunger at this meal within the time frames given for the meal, then you will not be allowed to eat anything else prior to your next meal.
  • If you do not finish your meal in the time given, then you will not be allowed to have any snacks before the next meal.
  • If you do not finish your meal in the time given, then we'll save it in the refrigerator in case you get hungry later in the day you can finish it.

1.1.2. Family meals

Pathfinders involve their children in family meals so as to provide them with an appropriate setting for family togetherness and bonding. These parents make only one single menu for each meal and do not provide a cafeteria style meal to adjust to the picky or finicky eaters in the family. Children are encouraged to eat the meal provided. They are encouraged to serve themselves. They are not force fed. The times of the meals are announced and the meals are served on time. The people who do not get to the meal on time miss the meal and experience the natural consequence of going hungry until the next meal. Snacking is not permitted if meals have been missed. The parents lead the family in sharing the news of the day and concerns of each other. There is an effort to have all family members speak and be heard. To insure peaceful meal time the tv, radio, and other distractions are turned off and avoided. The meal is eaten at a common table where the family can face one another. Pathfinders make an effort to conduct at least two family meals a week if their work schedules make a daily night time meal impossible. Family meals become a source of family socializing where eating is put into a healthy perspective. The children are encouraged to eat to live rather than live to eat.

Natural consequences:

  • If you do not get to the table on time for the family meal, then you will not have enough time to complete a full and hunger satisfying meal within the time frame given for the meal.
  • If you do not eat the food provided at the meal, then you will most probably go away from the meal still hungry.
  • If you miss family meals, then you may miss important communications and information about the family.
  • If you continually miss family meals, then you may feel like you are alienated or less involved with the family and feel greater distance and lack of bonding with them.

Logical consequences:

  • If you do not come to family meal, then you will not be allowed prior to the next meal (usually breakfast or dinner) to eat a snack or make your own meal to satisfy your hunger.
  • If you are late for the meal, then you will not be allowed to participate in it and will not be allowed to eat anything prior to the next meal (usually breakfast or dinner).
  • If you do not like what is being served at the meal, then you will not be given an alternative food and not allowed to eat anything prior to the next meal (usually breakfast or dinner). But you can have this meal which we'll have wrapped in the refrigerator for you.
  • If you do not use age appropriate manners or reasonable eating habits at the family meal, then you will be asked to leave the table and not allowed to complete your meal and go hungry until the next meal.

 

1.1.3. Diet

Pathfinders encourage their children to take responsibility for their own diet as they grow into adolescence. The issues of weight management, calorie and fat intake and healthy nutrition are freely discussed. The children are taught about what is a healthy weight for their body type and height. Parents avoid making negative comments about weight and size to help their children come to a decision about this matter on their own. If children ask for help to control food intake and manage over-weight problems the parents utilize the natural consequence model. They point out the negative consequences of continuing to eat more calories and fat than needed and not exercising enough. They encourage their children to recognize that to lose weight they need to reduce calorie and fat intake and exercise more. Pathfinders encourage a balanced life-style of balanced diet and healthy exercise.

Natural consequences:

  • If you continuously eat more than what is necessary to satisfy your daily caloric need, then you will experience a weight gain ending up in your being overweight for your body height and bone structure.
  • If you do not live a healthy life style with balanced diet and healthy exercise, then you may end up being overweight for your body type and height.

Logical consequences:

  • If you become overweight, then we will not police your eating and exercise program making you solely responsible for accomplishing the solution to your problem.
  • If you want assistance in monitoring your diet and exercise program, then you will need to give us specific permission to mention when you deviate. However, if you get angry and berate us for being on your back all the time you will have to do it on your own.

 

1.1.4. Body self-image

Pathfinders assist their children to have healthy images of their own bodies. They help them to avoid distortions of their body size. These parents teach their children what is appropriate weight for their height and bone frame. The children are provided positive reinforcements for their efforts to maintain a healthy weight. Pathfinders are sensitive to the possibility of unrealistic weight goals of their children and they intervene when these goals get out of hand and begin to look like bulimia, anorexia or other eating disorders. Pathfinders are realistic with their children with large bone frames about what is normal and healthy. They are also supportive of thin children who eat normally so as to reduce inappropriate self-consciousness.

Natural consequences:

  • Since you are not able to control the size of your bone structure and height, then you have to accept the data about what is a healthy weight for your body type.
  • If you struggle to maintain a weight below what is healthy, then you will most probably experience ill health and feel sick.

Logical consequences:

  • If you insist on threatening your health by your eating and health habits, then you will need to see a professional about this problem.
  • If you continue to starve yourself, or binge and purge which is threatening your health, then you will need to work with medical professionals to address this problem.

 

1.1.5. Cooking

Pathfinders teach their children how to cook and prepare meals for themselves. This begins with elementary aged children preparing their own breakfasts of cereal, toast, juice, etc. Then parents train them to make lunch on their own. These meals then become their responsibility to handle in later elementary and early middle school years. In later middle school years, the children are taught how to prepare evening meals and begin to take turns with parents and other family members in preparing family meals. By high school years, the children are able to use cook books and all kitchen appliances to prepare full meals. They are also able to plan a complete weekly menu which is nutritionally balanced.

Natural consequences:

  • If you do not prepare a meal for yourself when no one else is going to do it for you, then you will have to go hungry from not eating.
  • If you do not take the time to learn how to cook for yourself or others, then you will eventually waste a lot of money and time going out to eat all the time.

Logical consequences:

  • If you do not cook that meal for yourself, then you won't be allowed to eat that meal at someone else's house and you will go hungry.
  • If you do not cook that meal for yourself, then you will not be allowed to buy that meal outside of the house.

 

1.1.6. Dishes and table

Pathfinders make their children responsible for the preparation and clean up of the table and dishes for each meal. From an early age they are instructed on cleaning and setting the table. By 5 years, they are instructed in washing, drying, and putting dishes away. The handling of set up and tear down of each meal is then placed early in the hands of children to assist them to feel their contribution to the life and needs of the family.

Natural consequences:

  • If you do not set the table, then the family will not be able to sit down to have the meal and we all will go hungry.
  • If you do not clean dishes after each meal, then we will eventually run out of them and not have any dishes for the next meal and we will go hungry.

Logical consequences:

  • If you do not set the table, then you will not be allowed to have this meal with us and you will go hungry until the next meal.
  • If you do not clean the dishes from this meal, then you will not be allowed to have the next meal with us and you will go hungry from that missed meal until the next meal.

 

1.1.7. Eating out

Pathfinders make it a point to limit going out to restaurants and fast food places when necessary due to time constraints. When they do go out to public eating places, the children are previously prepared for limitations as to expense, meal selection, and conduct desired. The use of consequences is made when there is no compliance with previously outlined structured limits. Parents avoid bringing infants or young toddlers who are not ready yet to handle "big people" behaviors in restaurants. This avoids unpleasant experiences for the children, their parents, and the other patrons in the restaurant. Weekend meals at restaurants can become perfect settings for family meals. Parents can use such events as positive consequences for themselves and their children.

Natural consequences:

  • If you do not comply to our expectations concerning behaviors, limitations on expense and types of food selected, then we will rarely go out to eat together, if at all.
  • If you act up and bother others in a restaurant, then they will ask us to leave and we will miss that meal and go hungry until the next meal.

Logical consequences:

  • If you are successful in meeting all your expected goals this week, then we will go out for a family meal on the weekend at a place of your choice.
  • If you want items on the menu more expensive than the set limit, then you can make up the difference in price with your own money.

 

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