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Laying the Foundation

Pulling-In Personality

Content:

 

Appearance to the world of the pulling-in personality

  • The "lost child'' of the enviornment

  • Easily forgotten by others

  • Loners; spend lots of time alone

  • Make few demands on others

  • Bookworm, avid readers

  • Hobbyists

  • Day dreamers

  • Overweight

  • Escapists in hobby, TV, music, etc.

  • Quiet and non-expressive

  • Independent

  • Aloof, standoffish, distant

  • Hard to know

  • Withdrawn socially

  • Extremely shy

  • Non-troublemakers

  • Low profile, unobtrusive

  • Materialistic, take extreme pride in possessions

  • Self-reliant

  • Don't present a problem for others

  • See everything through rose-colored glasses, Pollyanna like

Feelings inside persons with the pulling-in personality traits

  • Feel like outsiders

  • Confused about what is occurring in their lives

  • Feel a need to look out for themselves, stay out of others' way

  • Feel comfortable alone

  • Feel like strangers in their families, peer groups, or work setting

  • Feel like they are unimportant

  • Low self-esteem

  • Feel isolated, alone, different, and socially inept

  • Fearful of social interactions

  • Fearful of not being accepted, fear of rejection

  • Hurt over being ignored and left out

  • Rage and anger over the problems in their lives that isolate them from others

  • Confusion sexually as to what is normal; suffer doubts about their own sexual adequacy

  • Feel ignored, unsupported, rejected

  • Repress negative feelings

  • Deep sense of loneliness

  • Expect little of themselves

Negative consequences of pulling-in behaviors 

  • Low self-esteem

  • Their feelings get ignored

  • They become more isolated and out of touch with the system

  • They become neglected

  • They escape into a "fantasy'' world

  • Compulsive escapes into TV, music, books, etc.

  • Overweight, compulsive eaters

  • Prone to chemical dependency

  • Make poor judgments in situations in which interpersonal communication is needed.

  • Lack close, long-lasting friendships and personal relationships

  • Prone to allergies and asthma

  • Prone to illnesses and accidents

  • Prone to passive aggressive means of handling conflicts

  • Personal needs get ignored

  • Poor risk takers

  • Overemphasis on importance of material possessions

  • Fearful of getting help

  • Sexual identity problems

Irrational beliefs of people with the pulling-in personality traits

  • No one loves or cares about me.

  • No matter what I do, I'll never get any recognition for it.

  • They all see me as a failure.

  • It is a waste of time to try reaching out to others.

  • I don't fit in this environment.

  • No one will ever help me, so I need to take care of myself.

  • People hurt you, so stay away from them.

  • If I told others how I felt about them, it would make no difference; they wouldn't change.

  • I don't deserve to be loved.

  • Reject them before they reject me.

  • The only pleasures available in life are imaginary and unattainable.

  • Avoid being hurt at all costs.

  • People are out to get you and to take advantage of you.

  • All women (or men) are predators and they will devour you once they get their claws on you.

  • The people in the novels I read are my best friends.

  • There is no reward in life except to survive.

  • Don't let anyone know your true feelings, because then they will take advantage of you.

  • Never open yourself up to be vulnerable because you will get hurt every time.

  • Don't ever let down your guard or you will be beaten down.

  • Avoid involvement with those who are pushy, nosey, or interfering.

  • I am at peace with who I am.

Turning negative pulling-in traits into positive potential

Negative Pulling-in Behavior Positive Potential
Independent With new direction they can turn this independence into an ability to solve their own problems without becoming clinging or being overly dependent on others for solutions.
Self-reliant When channeled they are able to utilize their well honed personal coping style to face the challenges of life, feeling comfort in their ability to solve problems.
Unobtrusive Never having made problems for others, they have a good chance to gain others' loyalty and support once they are strong enough to ask for it.
Loner Since they find comfort in being alone, they can handle tasks that require extended isolation from others.
Distant They can keep themselves out of petty office politics and neighborhood gossip. They can be trusted with confidential information
Bookworm If they have been wise in their reading, they have a storehouse of knowledge, facts, and information on which they can draw to be successful in the "work'' world.
Non-troublemaker They are easy to be around. People seek them out since they bring no negative history with them.
 Very quiet If channeled wisely can be excellent listeners, having empathy and not injecting their needs into conversations.
Escapist If channeled well they can redirect their escapes, such as hobbies, into tools to make their lives fully productive.
Passive

If channeled, they can be more even tempered when they learn to be more assertive. They can be enjoyable partners and coworkers if encouraged to express themselves and protect their rights.

 

 

 

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