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 Laying
the Foundation
Introduction
Content:
Goals of Laying the Foundation
In Laying the Foundation you
will be exploring low self-esteem. You will discover what constitutes an
unhealthy family, organization, school, or business and how these dysfunctional
environments contribute to people's low self-esteem.. You will review the
nine personality traits exhibited in such unhealthy environments. You will look
at the impact of these compulsively driven personality traits on a person's self worth
and self-esteem. You will find out how a person can unlearn these old
self-scripts. Finally you will see how people with low self-esteem can establish
healthy boundaries in their relationships with others.
It is neither important nor necessary
for you to accept the term "dysfunctional family, organization, school or
business'' if you have a need for this material. If you have low self-esteem it
is only important that you recognize the roles you played in your environments
and how they impact your current life.
It is also important for you to
recognize that one or more personality traits outlined here are at play in your
life today. This can affect your personal effectiveness and emotional health.
Use the personality trait descriptions to help you identify the feelings,
irrational beliefs, and negative consequences affecting your life so that you
can work at changing them by your journal writing and self-improvements
activities contained in the entire Tools for Coping Series on the www.coping.org
website.
The most important goal of Laying
the Foundation is personal growth. Good luck!
Jim Messina
Dear Mommy and Daddy,
When I was a little boy, I tried hard
to make you love me. I was the perfect child: I was never loud, never made a
mess, my hair was always combed, my clothes neat and clean, my face and hands
freshly scrubbed. I always got good grades, and I was involved in nearly all the
activities at school. I was a good student, class president, a member of the
drama club, editor of the newspaper, and member of the National Honor Society. I
won many awards and achieved many honors. Most of all I kept up the image you so
desperately wanted to project. The image that we were a perfect, happy family
even though I knew in my heart it wasn't true. I worked so hard, I made so many
sacrifices in the hope that one day I would get my just rewards. But, do you
know what? I never got what I knew I deserved. I never heard you say how proud
you were of me. I never heard you say I love you. I never heard you say how glad
you were that I was your son. And I was never able to steer you away from your self-destructive
course in life.
I have received a few gifts from you,
though. You have given me the gift of guilt, thinking I was never the son I
should have been. The guilt that if I had been a "good enough'' son, you would
have been better and happier parents. You have given me low self-esteem, and I
am blinded from seeing the great and wonderful person I am. You have given these
gifts as a legacy so that I may carry on the tradition, repeat the vicious
cycle, and treat my children in the same way you treated me.
Your son
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