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 Tools
for Personal Growth
Accepting Personal Responsibility
Content:
What is accepting personal responsibility?
Accepting personal responsibility includes:
-
Acknowledging
that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.
-
Accepting
that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.
-
Accepting
that you choose the direction for your life.
-
Accepting
that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.
-
Tearing
down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for who
you are, what has happened to you, and what you are bound to become.
-
The
rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and
how your choices affect your life.
-
Pointing
the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you
are discussing the consequences of your actions.
-
Realizing
that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to
you, no matter how negative they seem.
-
Recognizing
that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you
to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.
-
Recognizing
that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem
will develop.
-
Not
feeling sorry for the ``bum deal'' you have been handed but taking hold of
your life and giving it direction and reason.
-
Letting
go of your sense of over responsibility
for others.
-
Protecting
and nurturing your health and emotional well being.
-
Taking
preventive health oriented steps of structuring
your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears, and
burnout prevention.
-
Taking
an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues, and
positive points.
-
Developing
positive, self-affirming, self-talk
scripts to enhance your personal development and growth.
-
Letting
go of blame and anger toward those in your past who did the best they could,
given the limitations of their knowledge, background, and awareness.
-
Working
out anger, hostility, pessimism, and depression over past hurts, pains,
abuse, mistreatment, and misdirection.
How can failing to accept personal responsibility
result in negative consequences?
When you have not accepted personal responsibility, you can run the
risk of becoming:
-
Overly
dependent on others for recognition, approval, affirmation, and acceptance.
-
Chronically
hostile, angry, or depressed over how unfairly you have been or are being
treated.
-
Fearful
about ever taking a risk or making a decision.
-
Overwhelmed
by disabling fears.
-
Unsuccessful
at the enterprises you take on in life.
-
Unsuccessful
in personal relationships.
-
Emotionally
or physically unhealthy.
-
Addicted
to unhealthy substances, such as the abuse of alcohol, drugs, food, or
unhealthy behavior such as excessive gambling, shopping, sex, smoking, work,
etc.
-
Over responsible and guilt ridden in your need to rescue and
enable others in your life.
-
Unable
to develop trust or to feel secure with others.
-
Resistant
to vulnerability.
What do people believe who have not accepted personal
responsibility?
-
It's
not my fault I am the way I am.
-
I
never asked to be born.
-
Now
that you have me, what are you going to do with me?
-
I
want you to fix me.
-
Life
is unfair! There is no sense in trying to take control of my life.
-
Why
go on; I see no use in it.
-
You
can't help me, nobody can help me. I'm useless and a failure.
-
God
has asked too much of me this time. There is no way I'll ever be able to
handle this.
-
When
do the troubles and problems cease? I'm tired of all this.
-
Stop
the world; I want to get off.
-
Life
is so depressing. If only I had better luck and had been born to a healthier
family, or attended a better school, or gotten a better job, etc.
-
How
can you say I am responsible for what happens to me in the future? There is
fate, luck, politics, greed, envy, wicked and jealous people, and other
negative influences that have a greater bearing on my future than I have.
-
How
can I ever be happy, seeing how bad my life has been?
-
My
parents made me what I am today!
-
The
problems in my family have influenced who I am and what I will be; there is
nothing I can do to change that.
-
Racism,
bigotry, prejudice, sexism, ageism, and closed mindedness all stand in the
way of my becoming what I really want to be.
-
No
matter how hard I work, I will never get ahead.
-
You
have to accept the luck of the draw.
-
I
am who I am; there is no changing me.
-
No
one is going to call me crazy, depressed, or troubled and then try to change
me.
What terms are used to describe those who have not
accepted personal responsibility?
martyrs.
self-pitying, depressed, losers,
quitters, chronically angry,
dependent personalities, complainers, addictive personalities, blamers, stubborn,
persons in denial, troubled people,
stuck, fearful, pessimists,
despondent, mentally unstable,
obstinate, hostile, aggressive,
irresponsible, weak,
guilt ridden,
resistant to help, passive,
irrational, insecure, neurotic,
obsessed, lost
What behavior traits need to be developed in order to
accept personal responsibility?
In order to accept personal responsibility you need to develop the
ability to:
-
Seek
out and to accept help for yourself.
-
Be
open to new ideas or concepts about life and the human condition.
-
Refute
irrational beliefs and overcome fears.
-
Affirm
yourself positively.
-
Recognize
that you are the sole determinant of the choices you make.
-
Recognize
that you choose your responses to the people, actions, and events in your
life.
-
Let
go of anger, fear, blame, mistrust, and insecurity.
-
Take
risks and to become vulnerable to change and growth in your life.
-
Take
off the masks of behavior characteristics behind which you hide low self-esteem.
-
Reorganize
your priorities and goals.
-
Realize
that you are the party in charge of the direction your life takes.
What are the steps in accepting personal responsibility?
Step
1: To decide if you are having problems accepting personal
responsibility, answer the following questions in your journal:
a.
How frequently do you claim that others have determined what you are
today?
b.
How easy is it to accept that you are responsible for your choices in
life?
c.
How easy it is to believe that you determine the direction your life
takes?
d.
How easy is it to blame others for where you are today?
e.
What masks do you hide behind to avoid accepting personal responsibility?
f.
How rational are you in dealing with the part you played in being who you
are today?
g.
How easy is it to accept blame or admit mistakes?
h.
How easy is it to accept that you determine your feelings when negative
events occur?
i.
How easy is it to depend solely on yourself for acceptance, affirmation,
and approval?
j.
How willing are you to be the sole determinant of the health of your self-esteem?
k.
How frequently do you feel sorry for yourself?
l.
How easy is it to let go of guilt if you stop rescuing those in your
life?
m.
How willingly do you take preventive steps to ensure your physical and
emotional health?
n.
How successfully have you practiced self-affirmation in your life?
o.
How successfully have you practiced anger work out and letting go in order to get on
with your life?
Step
2: Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 as to the level of
personal responsibility you have accepted in each of the following areas: (Use
the following scale as you write in your journal.)
Rating
Area in Life:
___
a. aking the
preventive and maintenance measures to ensure physical health
___
b. Taking the preventive
and maintenance measures to ensure emotional health
___
c. Controlling
weight and over-eating
___
d. Stopping smoking,
excessive drinking, and drug abuse.
___
e. Controlling
excessive gambling, shopping, and sexual behavior
___
f. Controlling
workaholism
___
g. Taking the
preventive, and maintenance measures to ensure healthy relationships
___
h. Taking the
necessary steps to overcome my current problems and troubles
___
i. Taking
the necessary steps to protect myself from being victimized by my rescuing and
enabling of others
___
j. Managing my
time, managing the stress in my life, overcoming my fears, and preventing
burnout in my life
Score:
A rating of 3 or less in any of the areas indicates a need to accept
personal responsibility.
Step
3: Identify your beliefs that prevent acceptance of
responsibility for yourself. Develop new, rational, replacement beliefs to help
you accept responsibility for yourself.
Step
4: You are now ready to develop a plan of action. For each
area of your life, identify that tools you will use to accept personal
responsibility. The following Tools for Coping tools are available to help you
determine your action plan:
The Tools for Coping
Tool Box
Handling
Irrational Beliefs
Write
your plan of action in your journal. Date and sign it. You are now ready to
begin accepting personal responsibility.
Step
5: If you still have trouble in accepting responsibility for
yourself, return to Step 1 and begin again.
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