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Introduction
Need to Control
Intimidation
Idealism
Need to Fix
Caretaker
Powerlessness
Let Go
Detachment
Unconditionality
Overdependence
Manipulation
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Suicide
Survival Masks
Self-control
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 Tools
for Handling Control Issues
Introduction
Content:
Goals of Tools for Handling Control Issues
In
the next fifteen chapters you will be exploring the various forms of control of
other people, places and things you may be currently involved in. You will be
given an overview of what the control issue is, why it is a control issue, the
negative results of using this control technique, and how to handle or eliminate
this technique from your behavioral repertoire so that you can grow in personal
self-esteem, accepting personal responsibility for your own life and growing in
personal self-control of your thinking, emotions, and actions.
An
important message in this book is that the more you let go of the control over
the people, places, and things in your life, the more control in your personal
life you will gain. In order to let go of control over others, you must first be
convinced that they are the uncontrollables and unchangeables in your life and
that the only one you can control and change is yourself.
Control
issues impact your relationships with others and for this reason the Tools
for Relationships is a companion to this material. Since letting go of
control results in loss and negative emotions, the Tools for Handling Loss
and Tools for Anger Work-out are essential cohorts of this
material. In order to transmit to others a change in the level of your control
in their lives, you may also need the Tools for Communications. You
cannot pursue letting go of control over others unless you are fully committed
to your growth in self-esteem.
The Tools for Personal Growth is an important companion to this work.
Finally, to better understand why you have a need for control over others, you
need to explore the dysfunctional background in your life as discussed in Laying
the Foundation.
In
order to let go of control over others, you need the support of others and a
program of recovery with a lifestyle which supports this recovery. The Self-Esteem
Seekers Anonymous B The SEA's
Book
provides for you a twelve step approach to succeed in growing in self-esteem
and thus letting go of control over others.
The
Tools for Handling Control Issues was the last book written in the
original eight book Tools For Coping
Series
and, for this reason, it is a synthesis of all the concepts and principles
contained in the other seven books (The SEA's Book, Laying the Foundation,
Tools for Handling Loss, Tools for Personal Growth, Tools for Relationships,
Tools for Communication, Tools for Anger Work-Out).
It
is my belief that this book is a spiritual enhancing guidebook for you to grow
in the ability to hand over to your Higher Power the need to control others so
as to ensure things go the way you want them in life. It is humbling to admit
our humanness and that only one being has power over us all.
Use
this tool book to grow in personal awareness, emotional serenity, and
responsible action toward yourself and others.
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is a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D.,
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