 Tools
for Anger Work-Out
Handling Blocks to Anger
Content:
What happens when anger is blocked?
When
my anger is blocked I:
-
feel
depressed and don't know why I'm so down.
-
cry
easily, even uncontrollably at times for no apparent reason.
-
feel
sad.
-
find
myself being chronically hostile, pessimistic, or unfriendly.
-
can
be very sarcastic, caustic, or cynical.
-
find
myself going in circles in regard to personal growth, with little hope for
success in the future.
-
deny
that I even have anger.
-
resent
suggestions from others to work on my anger.
-
am
confused by what others describe as anger in their lives.
-
refuse
to accept that anger is an important tool for personal growth.
-
joke
about the value of anger in my life.
-
resist
those things that make me feel uncomfortable or ill at ease.
-
experience
physical distress.
-
feel
exhausted, weak, lethargic, or disinterested in life.
-
am
afraid of anger expressed in my presence.
What are blocks to anger?
Blocks
to anger can be varied, including :
Fear
of rejection.
Fear that ``if I express anger I will be rejected by others.''
Need
for approval.
Wanting the approval and recognition from others so much so that I hesitate
to ever show my anger around them.
Intimidation.
Giving others power over me so great that I fear showing my anger in front of
them, lest they get mad and make me pay a costly negative consequence.
Not
knowing what normal is.
Never having experienced a ``normal'' life where anger was expressed in a
healthy way inhibits not only my expression of anger but my recognition of it.
Need
to keep the peace.
Being compulsively driven to placate and appease others, I am never free enough
to express my feelings of honest anger.
Desire
to please others.
Wanting to keep others happy, pleased and relaxed with me, I choose to avoid
the expression of anger around them.
Dependency
on others.
Looking to others for approval and personal fulfillment, I suppress, ignore, and
overlook any anger that arises in me as a result of the relationship.
Fear
of going crazy.
Believing that once I start expressing my anger I'd never stop, consequently I'd
be out of control and labeled insane.
Need
for control.
Believing that all emotions must be continuously kept in check leads me to
ignore, avoid, or overlook any anger that I or others in my life are
experiencing.
Belief
that anger is bad.
Since I believe that all expressions of anger are bad, wrong, undesirable, and
unhealthy, I believe that the way to be healthy is never to allow myself to get
angry.
Naiveté
or lack of knowledge.
Being sheltered, ignored, pampered, spoiled, or overly coddled can protect me
from anger in my life, leading me to believe innocently that there ``is never a
reason to get angry.''
Guilt.
Feeling such severe guilt, remorse, and self-denigration for past expressions of
anger inhibits me from identifying, expressing, or experiencing current anger.
Depression.
Experiencing a flat affect, lack of interest in life, lack of enthusiasm, or
energy, or constant sadness can dull my emotional response to life, leaving me
unable to experience or express authentic anger.
Pollyanna
outlook on life.
Wanting only to look at or remember the ``bright'' or ``happy'' side inhibits me
from tuning into the realities of life, past or present, that deserve my anger.
Fear
of conflict or confrontation.
Recognizing that if I express my anger, I open myself up for others to disagree
with, criticize, or confront me with their anger.
Desire
to be a good role model.
Believing that anger is unhealthy for our children, subordinates, or work
colleagues I choose never to express anger in their presence.
Need
to entertain or be humorous.
Always wanting to keep others from focusing on the negative aspects of
reality leads me to ignore, inhibit, or fail to experience anger.
Lack
of clarity about what is authentic anger. Always second guessing whether or not my feelings
of anger are valid will eventually leave me in an anger vacuum
Feeling
ridiculous.
Considering anger work-out exercises to be silly, foolish, or childish will
result in my inability to experience the true emotion of anger and its cathartic
release during these therapeutic work-out sessions.
Overuse
of medication.
By addictive drinking, drug use, sex, gambling, food intake, shopping, etc., I
can so medicate my emotional response to life that I am unable to recognize or
experience authentic anger.
Why would anyone be unable to express anger?
Anger
blocks are developed in many ways, including:
-
living
in a dysfunctional family of origin.
-
being
the codependent of a troubled person, one addicted to alcohol, drugs, food,
gambling, sex, etc.
-
experiencing
a traumatic life event perceived as being caused by the expression of anger.
-
getting
no positive response to my past expressions of anger.
-
the
resistance to change in life.
-
the
unwillingness to be open to alternative modes of expressing feelings.
-
a
lack of desire to become vulnerable and unmask anger for what it really is.
-
insecurity
in my life, in my relationships, in my family, or at work.
-
a
lack of trust that others will accept me the way I really am.
-
a
sense of inferiority:
-
my
feelings are not important;
-
I
don't deserve to express negative feelings;
-
I
can't say how I feel if I want to be accepted;
-
I
really never know how I feel anyway.
How can blocks to anger be overcome?
Blocks
to anger can be overcome by:
-
self-confrontation
as to how I am feeling about the negative aspects of my past and current
life.
-
giving
myself permission to take the risk of making a fool of myself by
participating in anger work-out activities.
-
keeping
a daily log of my feelings including how my day has been, and recording the
negative aspects and my feelings about each one.
-
role
playing an angry confrontation in a caring environment with my support
group.
-
yelling
at the top of my lungs to loosen up emotional expression whenever I'm
driving.
-
learning
to be assertive.
-
expressing
my negative feelings appropriately to the others in my life.
-
working
on my self-esteem and self-worth so that I believe it is OK for me to be
angry.
-
redefining
anger as a necessary tool for my personal growth and improved mental health.
-
accepting
that anger is a necessary step in grieving and accepting the losses in my
life.
-
reminding
myself that I deserve the benefits of the expression and resolution of
authentic anger.
What steps can be taken to overcome blocks to anger?
Step
1: I need to review What happens when anger is
blocked?,
then answer the following questions in my journal.
A.
How often is my anger blocked?
B.
How is my experience of past anger different from my experience of
current anger? Is one blocked more than the other? Why?
C.
How would my life be different if my anger were no longer blocked?
D.
How is overcoming blocked anger important to my happiness?
E.
How do I feel about dealing with blocked anger?
F.
How free do I feel to pursue overcoming the blocks to my anger? What is
holding me back?
Step
2: After exploring the results of blocked anger, I need to review What
are blocks to anger?
and answer these questions in my journal:
A. What blocks exist for my past
anger?
B.
What blocks exist for my current anger?
C.
Are the blocks identified in questions A and B the same? Different?
(1) If the same:
Why and what does this tell me about my personality?
(2) If different: Why
and what happened in my life to change the way I deal with anger?
D.
Which blocks to my anger could be overcome? Which ones seem impossible to
overcome?
E.
How willing am I to work at overcoming the difficult or seemingly
impossible blocks to my anger?
Step
3: After identifying my blocks to anger, I am ready to speculate
on how these blocks came into existence. I will answer the following questions
in my journal:
A.
How was anger dealt with in my family of origin? How did this affect my
own expression of anger?
B.
How does my behavioral style, developed in my family of origin, influence
the way I handle anger? Which blocks to anger are characteristics of my
personality style?
C.
How have my relationships with troubled persons affected the way I handle
anger?
D.
How have negative experiences with the expression of anger in the past
influenced how I handle anger now?
E.
What would happen to my relationships if my blocks to anger disappeared?
Example: family members, peers, professional associates, loved ones.
F.
What are my greatest fears about unblocking my anger? How do these fears
hold me back? How do they keep my anger blocked?
Step
4: Having recognized the sources of my blocks to anger, I am now ready
to develop a plan of action to unblock my anger.
Outline
for Unblocking Anger
1.
Blocks to my anger include:
2.
To unblock my anger daily I will:
3.
The following "support'' people will help me unblock my anger:
4.
My efforts to unblock my anger will be recorded in my journal daily.
5.
To measure my success in unblocking my anger I will make the following
changes in my personal habits, emotions, and activities.
Step
5: If my anger is still blocked, I will go back to Step 1, and
begin again.
| 
Coping.org:
Tools for Coping
with Life's
Stressors
Coping.org
is a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D.,
Email: