The Bizarre

Content:

On the Internet

Some Show their Colors of Patriotism from the St. Petersburg Times September 24, 2001
God Angrily Clarifies "Don't Kill Rule" from the Onion, September 26, 2001
Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell: 'We Expected Eternal Paradise For This,' Say Suicide Bombers from the Onion, September 26, 2001
Freedoms Curtailed in the Defense of Liberty from The Onion, October 10, 2001
Privileged Children of Millionaires Square Off on World Stage from the Onion October 24, 2001
Buffalo Women try to revive economy; form spending group from National Lampoon October 25, 2001
FBI Agent Screening Exam from National Lampoon
French best seller claiming Sept. 11 conspiracy bound for U.S. from Nando Times, June 26, 2002
"What Does a 99-cent Bic Lighter Tell Us About the Bush War on Terrorism?" from Michael Moore's website. It is Part 1 of an additional online chapter to his new book "Stupid White Men."

Items submitted to coping.org

This is Freaky!
What to do with a Peace Activist
A Message for Bin Laden
Current TV Listings in Afghanistan
Osama one-liners
New York 2032

This is Freaky!

The date of the attack 9-11 - 9 + 1 + 1 = 11
September 11 is the 254th day of the year - 2 + 5 + 4 = 11
After 9/11, there are 111 days left til the end of the year
119 is the zip code of Iraq and Iran - 1 + 1 + 9 = 11
The twin towers standing side by side look like the number 11
The first plan to hit the Tower was Flight #11
The state of New York was the 11th state to be added to the union
New York City - 11 letters
Afghanistan - 11 letters
The Pentagon - 11 letters
Ramzi Yousef - 11 letters
Flight 11, 92 people on board - 9 + 2 = 11
Flight 77, 65 people on board - 6 + 5 = 11

What to do with a Peace Activist

With all of this talk of impending war, many of us will encounter "Peace Activists" who will try to convince us that we must refrain from retaliating against the ones who terrorized us all on September 11, 2001. These activists may be alone or in a gathering. Most of us do not know how to react to them. When you come upon one of these people, or one of their rallies, here are the proper rules of etiquette:

1. Listen politely while this person explains their views. Strike up a conversation if necessary and look very interested in their ideas. They will tell you how revenge is immoral, and that by attacking the people who did this to us; we will only bring on more violence. They will probably use many arguments, ranging from political to religious to humanitarian.

2. In the middle of their remarks, without any warning, punch them in the nose.

3. When the person gets up off the ground, they will be very angry and they may try to hit you so be careful.

4. Very quickly and calmly remind the person that violence only brings about more violence and remind them of their stand on this matter. Tell them if they are committed to a nonviolent approach to undeserved attacks, they will turn the other cheek and negotiate a solution. Tell them they must lead by example if they really believe what they are saying.

5. Most of them will think for a moment and then agree that you are correct.

6. As soon as they do that, hit them again. Only this time hit them much harder. Square in the nose.

7. Repeat steps 2 - 5 until the desired results are obtained and the idiot realizes how stupid of an argument he/she is making.

There is no difference in an individual attacking an unsuspecting victim or a group of terrorists attacking a nation of people. It is unacceptable and must be dealt with, perhaps at a high cost. We owe our military a huge debt for what they are about to do for our children and us We must support them and our leaders at times like these. We have no choice. We either strike back, VERY HARD, or we will keep being hit in the nose.

A MESSAGE FOR BIN LADEN...

OSAMA BIN LADEN, YOUR TIME IS SHORT
WE'D RATHER YOU DIE, THAN COME TO COURT.
WHY ARE YOU HIDING IF IT WAS IN GOD'S NAME?
YOU'RE JUST A PUNK WITH A TURBAN. . .A PATHETIC SHAME.
I HAVE A QUESTION, ABOUT YOUR THEORY AND LAWS
HOW COME YOU NEVER DIE FOR THE CAUSE?
IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE A COWARD WHO COUNTS ON OTHERS?
WELL HERE IN AMERICA, WE STAND BY OUR BROTHERS.
AS IS USUAL, YOU FAILED IN YOUR MISSION
IF YOU EXPECTED PURE CHAOS, YOU CAN KEEP ON WISHIN'
AMERICANS ARE FOCUSED AND STRONGER THAN EVER
YOUR DEATH HAS BECOME OUR NEXT ENDEAVOR!!
WHAT YOU TRIED TO KILL, DOESN'T LIVE IN OUR WALLS
IT'S NOT IN BUILDINGS OR SHOPPING MALLS.
IF ALL OUR STRUCTURES CAME CRASHING DOWN...
WE WOULD STILL BE THERE, SAFE AND SOUND!
BECAUSE PRIDE AND COURAGE CAN'T BE DESTROYED
EVEN IF THE TOWERS LEAVE A DEEP VOID.
WE'LL BAND TOGETHER AND FILL THE HOLES
WE'LL BURY OUR DEAD AND BLESS THEIR SOULS.
BUT THEN OUR ENERGY WILL FOCUS ON YOU..
AND YOU'LL FEEL THE WRATH OF THE RED, WHITE AND BLUE!!!
SO SLITHER AND HIDE LIKE A SNAKE IN THE GRASS....
BECAUSE AMERICA'S COMING TO KICK YOUR ASS!!!!!

Current TV Listings in Afghanistan

MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"

TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Usama Say It's Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afghanistan's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"

WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "When Northern Alliance Attack"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"

THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"

FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Judge Laden"
8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 - "Captured Northern Alliance Rebels Say the Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"
10:00 - "No-witness News"

Osama one-liners

Q: Why does Osama always carry a piece of s--t in his pocket?
A: It's his photo ID

Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.

Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?
A: Duck

Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.

Q: What does Osama Bin Laden and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
A: Two days.

New York ... Year 2032

A man is walking down the streets of Manhattan with his kid. All of a sudden they stop in front of a park, and the man comments to his son...

"Just think, not too long ago the Twin Towers used to be here..."

So the son asks him with an intrigued look in his face, "Dad, what were the Twin Towers?"

"They were two very tall buildings with lots of offices, but 31 years ago a bunch of terrorists from the middle east crashed a plane into each one and they collapsed"

"Dad, what was the middle east?"

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Coping.org is a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D., Email: jjmess@tampabay.rr.com ©1999-2007 James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance Messina, Ph.D. Note: Original materials on this site may be reproduced for your personal, educational, or noncommercial use as long as you credit the authors and website.