 Coping
with the 9.11.01 Aftermath
9.11 Coping Strategies
Helping Children Cope with the Emotional Aftermath
Helpful 9.11 Scripts to Use with Children
By Jim Messina, Ph.D. Adapted from Pathfinder
1 of 2 Click to 2
 Scripts
to Help Children Cope with the 9.11.01 Disaster
Introduction
Helpful Adults need to recognize that almost all children in this country
will have a difficult time grieving
losses which are the result of the sudden and tragic disasters such which
occurred on September 11, 2001 in New York City, Washington, D.C. and
Pennsylvania.
Helpful Adults need to treat this disaster as a set of losses over which
their children have a right to grieve. They need to allow their children to openly talk about these
events just happened and yet to occur. They need to encourage open ventilation of emotions over the
events and aftermath. They need to not
hinder exploration of the children's emotional responses to the events. Helpful
Adults need to give their
children latitude of expression to fully deal with the losses involved so that they can
come to a healthy acceptance of the realities involved. They need to encourage their children to
accept reality the way it is rather than resort to fantasy as to how they would like it to
be.
Since this disaster involves the whole family, Adults
role model healthy grief responses. They also role model healthy coping with the realities
resulting from this disaster. They demonstrate for their children,
the concept of letting go of the uncontrollables and unchangeables. They teach their
children that serenity comes from handing what they can't control over to their
God. They emphasize that serenity comes from not burdening themselves with second
guessing, ruminating, or catastrophizing over what happened. These parents maintain a
peaceful calm and comfort by handing over to God the magnitude of the
losses involved that are known and all the future loses which might come in this
aftermath of unknowns.
Sample questions which Helpful Adults can answer in such a way to assist their children cope with
this disaster and its aftermath.
Question 1:
Child: Why did this have to happen now?
Helpful Adult: There never is a right time for a disaster to occur. All
we can do is to accept that this is what is at the moment. What we need to do is to accept
that this is our reality right now so that we can take the necessary steps to work our way
out of this tragic, upsetting, scary, and unclear times..
Question 2:
Child: Will we ever be the same as we were before this happened?
Helpful Adult: We might not be exactly as we were before this disaster, but we will do the best we can to come through this as a family stronger and
more wiser as a result of this. Although at times it will seem like we fell down a deep
dark hole with no way out, we will survive this and look back on this someday as a turning
point in our lives which made us stronger people.
Question 3:
Child: Why did this have to happen to our family and our country and
all those people in New York, Washington, and on the airplanes? What did we and
they do to
deserve this?
Helpful Adult: There is never a full explanation why these disasters
occur to people. There is no reason why those poor victims nor the rest of the
country deserve this since no one deserves to have this happen to
them. The fact is it happened and all of us Americans are the recipients. We must go on from here accepting
that it has happened. We must put our lives back together now that it has occurred.
We in our country need to make changes which could affect our family life. We
need to prepare ourselves as a family for the worst so that we will have the
ability to sustain our capabilities
Question 4:
Child: Why did God allow this to happen to our us?
Helpful Adult: We will never fully comprehend why God has allowed this to happen to
us. We can only know that He allowed it to happen and we must go from here now that it is
done. There is nothing we could have done differently to prevent this from happening. We
have a right to be angry and upset at God for this happening. But we can hand over to God
the fact that it did and that we can't do anything to change that it happened. There is no
need to waste our energy and resources worrying about why He allowed this to
happen to
us. We can gain serenity by handing that question back to God so that we can get on with
piecing our lives back together again.
Question 5:
Child: What is wrong with me that this happened to me?
Helpful Adult: You are ok just the way you are. There are no clear reasons why this
disaster has occurred at this time in your life and mine. It is not because we are
bad people,
but rather because we are in need of some special help that this disaster will now make
possible for us to receive. We need to forgive ourselves and others for this
tragedy. You need to
recognize that it is an opportunity for us all to grow stronger and healthier. This will
help us to be able to face the challenges ahead, which are the result of
this aftermath. By going through this disaster together as a family, community,
and nation we will come out of it with greater
self-confidence and self-reliance.
Question 6:
Child: Why does this tragedy have to hurt so much?
Helpful Adult: Tragedies such as September 11th are loss events which require a lot of grieving. It
hurts, It is painful to face losses. You will need to allow your negative feelings to be
expressed. You need to work through these painful sensations so as to gain peace, calmness
and serenity which comes from fully accepting the losses involved. If it didn't hurt so
much then it would not have been as important to you as it was. We will survive this loss
event in our livees. But to get to acceptance will require a lot of tears, anger,
resentment, despair, discouragement, pain, and hurt. This is a normal response and you
don't need to worry if there is something wrong with you because it hurts so much.
Question 7:
Child: How will I ever be able to feel safe again?
Helpful Adult: This tragedy is a challenge to us all to become the best
people we can become based on our American values, talents, competencies, skills, and abilities.
We need to
measure ourselves by who we are in reality rather than who we want to be based on
our
dreams, fantasies, or ideals. If we cannot accept our lives the way they are
now, it will be
difficult for us in the future to accept our lives since this event will change
all of our lives dramatically.
Question 8:
Child: My life is ruined as a result of this disaster.
Helpful Adult: Your life is not dependent on this particular tragic
event. Your life is an accumulation of events and how you accept their impact on
your life. You need to keep yourself from catastrophizing by believing our whole life is ruined by this single
tragic event. Your pessimism is a sign of how angry you are with for this happening to
us. You need to let go of your anger, hatred, rage, sadness, and depression.
You need to forgive God, the World, Our Nation, and even the people who did this
so that you can and
get on with your life.
Question 9:
Child: Why can't it be like it used to be?
Helpful Adult: This tragic event has change around a lot of things we
have taken for grated in the past. Unfortunately that is part of our coping with
the aftermath of this tragedy. We will now more than ever have to put up with
new ways of doing things, new ways of traveling, and new ways of sorting out who
is a "good guy" or "bad guy." We will need to change the way
we are with people and we will need to be more opening to God's calling in our
lives which is to be all that we can become and to love our neighbors as much as
we can and to forgive those awful people for they thought what they were doing
was the holy thing to do.
Question 10:
Child:
Helpful Adult:
Assisting children to cope and grieve the losses in their lives
requires a great deal of personal health on the part of the Helpful Adults in
their lives.. Parents cannot
help their children grieve the losses in their lives if they cannot grieve their own
losses. Helpful Adults need to work on their own loss issues coming from the
September 11, 01 tragedy, before they attempt to assist their
children. How these loss issues are resolved will have life long
implications on the children in America. These loss events are elements which can make families
dysfunctional and can negatively impact the self-esteem of the family members. Completed
grieving and full acceptance of the loss events assists family members to grow in
self-esteem and personal responsibility taking. Helpful Adults know they have
succeed when they see their children living lives honestly, openly and confidently.
1 of 2 Click to 2
NEXT to Scripts to Help Children Cope with Death of
Parent or Loved One in the 9.11.01 Tragedy
| If you come across materials which you believe should be
included on this website please email it to jjmess@tampabay.rr.com |
 Back
to Helping Children Cope with the Emotional Aftermath
BACK
to 9.11 Coping Strategies
HOME
| 
Coping.org:
Tools for Coping
with Life's
Stressors
Coping.org
is a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D.,
Email: